Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

I have pcos and find it hard to lose weight but have managed to lose nearly 5 stone over 3 years. A few tips... you need to cut out white carbs. Switch to wholemeal pasta and brown rice and bread etc. Also when making things like mash potato I use potato and carrot for the mash so you're only having half the carbs and a bonus of extra veggies as well. Snacks are a big no for me unless I'm snacking on fruit. I have a really strict but sensible diet 6 days a week and a treat day one day a week where I can have whatever I want and not worry about what I am eating. My advice would be mainly to watch your carbs... when having dinner maybe give yourself less carbs and more lean protein and veg??

I'll second the carbs, they stick to me like glue!

I've had today:
Breakfast - porridge (40g oats)
Lunch - chicken salad with tomatoes lettuce avo butter beans cucumber
Dinner - cod and roasted vegetables
Snack - had an apple mid morning and yoghurt this afternoon.

If I stick to that sort of thing I do ok. The minute I lapse into the cheese and beans in a jacket lunch it all starts to go a bit wrong!

Have you had your thyroid checked?

You say that you have a substantial snack when your kids are in bed. Is that as well as dinner? Lots of carbs? Very late at night? Could you increase your dinner vegetables and decrease or eliminate your snack? If you're still hungry at night, is this actual hunger and you need to check your macros or is the emotional/boredom eating?

I was a fiend at bored mindless eating at night after dinner in front of the TV.

I aim to finish eating by 8pm and breakfast is 10am the next day. My own version of intermittent fasting (I've tried to go 17 hours and it's too much for me). I've discovered almost all of my thin/slender friends don't eat anything after dinner 90% of the time. Helps with sleep too.

Analysing your sample menu I can see where you may have a lot of hidden calories and a way of eating that can easily be tweaked -forever- to let you eat well without having too many calories.

My top tips are

• leave at least 12 but pref 16 hours overnight between dinner and breakfast
• drink lots more water, roibos and green tea. It looks like you don't drink much at all ?
• eat far more veggies and raw foods - they are very filling and take ages to digest. Raw carrots / celery sticks are a brilliant snack if you must snack Tomatoes are lovely but sugary , as is fruit so watch out
• use full fat yoghurt and olive oil. It tastes better so you need less of it. Homemade coleslaw with.a small dollop of yoghurt lemon dressing is lovely and tiny calories but oodles of vitamins, fibre and volume.
• don't snack!
• having a rumbly tum in tun up to meals is ok , just sip water and savour the thought of the upcoming food.
• swallow your mouthful before loading the fork with the next. You'll be amazed at how slowing your eating will change how quickly you get full. It's better for digestion too. Drink water whilst you eat.

Feedback and some things to think about with your example menu;

Breakfast: cup of green tea - have a pot full. It fills you up more.

Snack: mushrooms and tomatoes on toast. How much toast? With butter? How are the mushrooms and tomatoes cooked? If the answer is oil, then don't use oil . Eggs are a fab breakfast alternative. 2 x poached with a huge handful of spinnach (raw or lightly wilted)

Lunch: half a leftover jacket potato with butter, tuna and salad. - how much butter? Tuna in oil or spring water? When you say salad do you mean 'naked' uncooked leaves, tomatoes, carrots, celery, cucumber, sweet corn, or are you talking coleslaw with dressing, Mayo added to anything, potato salad , pasta salad? You need the ' naked' stuff with maybe a small drizzle of olive oil/ vinegar or lemon juice. For every meal the salad / veggies should be at least half of the plate.

Dinner: vegetable chilli with rice How much rice? Brown or white (brown better). The chilli has veggies in it but you should ideally have half a plate of 'naked' salad and the other half your chilli. You'll be amazed at how doing this cuts the portions of the calorific things down.

Once kids asleep: rooibos tea and toast with jam or (sugar free) peanut butter. How many slices? How thick? How much butter ? Peanut butter is a good food but extremely calorific. If you put butter on toast then peanut butter and it's a thick slice that could be 300 calories each slice !

A couple of squares of dark chocolate at some point too. All this does is spike your blood sugar which makes you hungry when it crashes down.

I hope this helps. I agree that your approach of not dieting, but eating well forever is a good one, but if you do want a blast to get you there the Fast800 is brilliant and you can still eat proper food with your family.
Good luck

@aapple

I make my own bread, but yeah, probably should eat less toast. I'm still not sure that cutting out all carbs (bar vegetables) is an example I want to set my kids though.

But being obese is an ok example? Tbh this all sounds like a bunch of excuses. Not sure what’s the point of posts like these when there’s no intention of making any meaningful changes. Cutting out excess carbs, sugar, and processed foods is hardly a bad example for children. They shouldn’t be eating like that either. Sorry to be blunt but it’s pretty frustrating

For me personally I would pile weight on if I ate the meals you listed as they're very high in carbs. I'm not saying so Keto or anything, but perhaps try to reduce the amount of potatoes and bread you eat.

I swapped toast and bread for healthy cereal or porridge.
35g of oats with skimmed milk and a handful of frozen berries is a very filling breakfast or lunch.
When I get evening hunger pangs I eat plain or honey nut shredded wheat. 30g with skimmed milk. No fats and with the plain shredded wheat next to no sugars.

Still quite filling.
I used to be a real sandwich/toast person but this small change has helped.

35g of oats with skimmed milk and a handful of frozen berries is a very filling breakfast or lunch

For some. There's a lot of us for whom oats have the same affect on as bread, as in leading to extreme hunger an hour later.

I’ve went from a BMI of 30 to 26 (and still going) over the last 8 months (so slow and steady) by intermittent fasting, calorie counting and walking. I’ve realised you DO have to be hungry to lose weight. Anyone who says you don’t is a liar.

Ultimately you will only do it when you’re ready. You don’t sound ready. It took me a long time to commit too.

Hi - you say not eating carbs is 'messed up'.

I say that having Type 2 diabetes is more messed up.And I say that unfortunately from my own experience.

I have tried for past 3 years to eat low to no carb in order to keep my blood sugar down. Whilst doing so I have lost 3 stone in weight and now my weight is maintained at 9 and 1/2 stone, and has been for over a year. Eating bread is basically like eating sugar. Also rice is extremely high in carbs and will raise blood sugar.

I can't say that it's fun eating low carb, but for me, it sure beats the alternative.

I was a bit overweight for 20 years before becoming diabetic, and used to eat plenty of carbs/sugar/pasta/toast etc etc and always justified myself by saying 'I need it for energy' - of course I wish I'd eaten a bit healthier now...

I would also suggest reading the Obesity Code by Jason Fung - besides having a BMI of 32 you could be heading towards type 2 diabetes.

This is crazy to me. I eat way more and I have the opposite problem to you. Have you been to your drs to check thyroid levels etc? Unless your portion sizes are enormous what you eat seems really healthy to me. I totally feel you on the snacking - its hard to eat with kids around so when my daughter naps I shovel down so much energy dense food (ie chocolate) to keep me going until bedtime.

If night time hunger is a problem could you keep a thermos of milk or something by your bedside to drink at the 3am feed. When I'm too hungry to sleep I always go and have a half glass of milk and can usually drop off after that.

Can you up your activity level? I know it’s hard with little ones. I don’t mean serious cardio but walking. I do an hour a day and it burns around 350 calories.

I have no suggestion about your diet. Looks normal to me. I always think ‘move more eat less’ is probably a good way to go. I don’t like the idea that carbs are a bad thing when they are a normal food.

For me, 3 meals a day and snacks is just too much for my mid-30s metabolism. I lost 3 stone on 16:8 and I eat all carbs except bread.
I eat a small lunch at 12ish - usually carrots and half a pot of hummus or a chickpea salad. About 4pm or when I get back from work I have either watermelon or dragon fruit. At dinner I eat whatever I want and as much as I want till I'm full. I only eat fruit for a dessert and I never eat after 8pm. I do this pretty much always, unless we are having a treat at the weekend. I sit with my DC at breakfast and have a cup of tea - they are young so I just tell them that I eat my breakfast a bit later than them. I do 2x pilates a week and walk a lot but no intense exercise. I have been able to lose and maintain 3 stone like this but there is zero snacking on toast and jam or anything like that.

I have no idea why OP cannot lose the weight. My partner is overweight/obese (not sure where on that spectrum they sit currently, somewhere near the line). It is not for lack of being fit and active or a healthy diet (though that is not perfect, neither is mine). But his portion control tends to go haywire. I’ve tried raising it gently. But he won’t hear it. I won’t say it less gently or more because I think he actually knows. As he says, you don’t need to tell a fat person they are fat. They bloody know. Whether they want/can acknowledge it is another issue.

Just looked and a couple of slices of toast and jam can be 250 -300 cals. If you have big doorstep slices (I do) then you could be consuming lots of cals with that snack.

I sometimes have rice cakes and peanut butter as a substitute for toast. It’s not the same but far less calories.

Ploughing I am very similar to you though mid 40s. I lost 2 stone on 16 8 bmi is now 21 and I’m size 10. I relax it at weekends and have the odd biscuit snack (only 1). I try to broadly not exceed 1500 per day in the week and do a cardio exercise most mornings first thing (indoor cycling or a you tube dance thing). I do weights after that. That burns at least 300 sometimes 500 calories. I feel healthy and fit This is my normal now if I want to be under 10 stone as I age.

Dropping the rounds of toast and jam at night should work wonders, just that

Haven’t changed my diet which was pretty good anyway like carbs but reduced portion size using smaller plates reduced snacks and eat in 12-8 window.

My mum who is prone to being fat has nonetheless remained skinny all of her life using "one simple trick"
She weighs herself every single morning. If she has put on weight then she'll cut back on the food immediately until she is back to her normal weight again.
She never gains more than 2 pounds without doing something about it.
It really is that simple.
Yoyo dieter here would gain one stone before doing anything about it and I'm afraid that just leads to more weight gain.

I do that now. I merrily ate what I wanted as had always been slim. Took a routine medical to tell me that actually my bmi was 27 and I was nearly two stone overweight and gaining. Ooops. On it now!

@Tanaqui

How old is your bf baby? A lot of women hang on to weight while breastfeeding, despite what celebs always say! I was massive till I stopped feeding (though I do have friends that couldn't keep weight on while feeding, so it does vary).

Yup was gonna say the same. Have you been breastfeeding for a few years?

I'm one of those unlucky ones who can't lose weight while bf. I'm naturally pretty slim so I think my body clings to the fat to make milk.

I tried 14:10 intermittent fasting but was waaay too hungry in the evening and like you, would struggle with sleeping overnight. So I've accepted I won't be losing any weight until I quit bf (I'm not going to wean just for that though!)

You’ve said quite a lot about not wanting to set a bad example for your kids
I feel the same, and more so maybe as mine are older.
But I’ve been eating low carb for a couple of years. When It’s come up I’ve just said that I can eat bread/pasta/potatoes whatever but I just prefer not to as it doesn’t agree with me. This is true as my digestion/bloating etc is so much better. They see me have extra veg instead.
I do think and hope that this is less damaging than them seeing me eat ‘special’ diet food or meals.
I try to talk a lot about eating when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full.
And ‘fun foods’ that aren’t nutritious so we ahouldnt have them too much, not wanting to give the idea of ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ things.
I think if you cut back on the carbs eg the toast, that would make a difference

I agree that dropping the toast will make a difference. I ate toast and butter every evening before bed for years. I have cut it out and it was hard at first but I feel better for it. That’s seven pieces of toast a week less which must make a difference.

Also would your children really notice that you were cutting down on carbs? I think that is an odd reason not to change your eating habits if you are struggling with your weight.