Why am I obese?

[aapple]

Obviously, I eat more calories than I burn off. My BMI is 32. But why, what can I change?

I've done the calorie counting thing and reached a healthy weight many times before. It never sticks, and I want to make permanent lifestyle changes this time. I don't care if it takes years to reach a healthy weight, but I'd prefer if it didn't take decades.

I'm not looking to do anything that I wouldn't want the whole family doing. So no cutting out entire food groups, or fasting etc. I don't want to teach my kids those habits.

I live somewhere with little to no 'temptations' from shops and takeaways. I get my shopping delivered, pay for petrol at the pump and rarely go past any other shops. So I'm not sure it is the food environment. My weekly shopping list is all fruit, vegetables, dairy, bread, fish. A little jam, peanut butter and chocolate. Reasonably healthy I think.

I get some exercise, not a lot. I'm a stay at home parent, so rarely actually sit down between 5am and 9pm. I go for walks, at small person pace. I clean and garden. I do mum and baby pilates, and go for short runs at the weekend. I don't know where I would squeeze more exercise in really.

95% of what we eat is cooked from scratch, using whole foods. We don't have desserts often. I never drink alcohol, juice, squash. Just water and tea (no milk or sugar), maybe a coke with a meal out.

I only eat at the table, although days are hectic, so it is not always 3 meals a day. Sometimes there just isn't time for me to eat at mealtime if the kids are having a bad day. I've bought the "right" sized plates etc, to make sure I'm not having huge portions.

I guess I just eat too much. Probably too many rounds of toast and jam when I need a pick me up.

I do usually have a substantial snack when the kids are in bed. But I'm still breastfeeding my toddler through the night. I can get to sleep the first few times, but without that extra food I find I am too hungry to fall back asleep after the 3am feed.

Sorry, that's a bit long. Just musing really. Any constructive thoughts appreciated.

It's less to do with calories in and calories out but the amount of carbs that you are eating in a day . Everyone has their own level at which the body starts burning fat ( your thermogenic level) . It is carb levels /sugar levels in food that you need to think about . Sorry but masses of bread will take you way above that . You need to snack on protein and not toast and jam. Other snacks are your low carb things like berries and walnuts or almonds .

One final musing. A few people commented on mealtimes, eating with the kids and not snacking.

I think the reason I have quite substantial "snacks", is that eating with a baby and preschooler is difficult. The older one is hungry and nagging, I set him up with a fruit starter while I finish cooking. The baby is hanging off me and crying. I get the older one his dinner, because he is hungry and about to kick off. Then the baby poops and I change them and wrestle them into a high chair and bib and hand them some bits to eat. Then the older one needs a wee - so rush to the potty... You get the picture. And on a really bad day there's tantrums and one of them really needs me to just stop and pay them attention. Or the cat was sick, or something got smashed and I need to clear up glass off the floor. Sometimes it's just chaos, you know?

Anyway, the older one has often finished eating and is nagging me to play before I've even sat down. If we've somewhere to be, well maybe I just skip that meal. And that's why I'll have mushrooms on toast for a "snack" during the baby's nap. And its why sometimes I need a substantial evening snack, because sometimes I didn't actually get to eat my dinner.

Of course sometimes I did, and I just want a treat at the end of the day. Still ... I think I've identified some changes I can make. Thanks all. I'm off to bed.

I think the issue is op that it you want to make big changes you have to pay attention to everything you're eating and obsess over it a little bit. I wouldn't say it's a good idea normally, even if a little tubby but considering that being obese is actually dangerous, it changes things. And doing nothing is worse. You have created lifelong habits (we all do) so you really do need to unpick them. Showing your children healthy living is the way to go. Each meal, start with much smaller serves. You can always get more, but don't pile your plate (or even use slightly smaller plates if you have a range). Really notice what you're doing and listen to you body. Mindful eating is natural and how we should be doing it. Wait for your body's cues. Do you really still feel hungry or is it something else you're trying to fill? Some other feeling? Every time you eat a meal, really think about how it makes you feel and eat it slowly. It's to fuel your body, not just a means to an end. Try to eat slowly. This is better for you and a good example of how to eat!

Also water! Drink lots of water. Again people do not drink enough water and this also suppresses appetite if you're really thirsty instead.

@aapple

As for My Fitness Pal. For me, it just leads to a cycle of obsessing about food, binging, putting on even more weight. And then eventually something upsetting happens in life and I sort of punish myself by going low calorie and really leaning into the hunger pangs. I lose weight, but it's not healthy. And I think not sustainable with little kids. I do get the attraction, and I've learned a lot about what foods have a surprising amount of calories, but I won't be calorie logging now.

I think too many people focus on their weight loss programmes which are stupid. Most normal people actually lose weight quite well following maintenance calories - I do and I have 2 metabolic conditions that should have stunted my metabolism.

But if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work. Buy yourself one of those portion plates designed for weight loss (Mum got one from diabetes UK) and follow the guidelines on it.

I'd just leave it for now while you are breastfeeding, which in itself requires calories!

Maybe look at other measures such as waist to hip ratio if you are interested rather than just BMI as well..

The Spanish and French make their main course special with vegetables that would not necessarily include potatoes or rice by default. You could experiment with foreign recipes. Having said that, even if your children are having potatoes you could just have a very small portion.

Your example of vegetable curry and rice could well cause hunger because of the high carbohydrates in the rice, more with the vegetables, and little protein. (Sugar spikes and crashes causing hunger.) Dhal or chick pea curry would be better with some pappadums but no rice ( pappadums are made from chick pea flour I think and have more protein). Lentils and chick peas include both protein and carbohydrates so you are not cutting out a food group by not having rice. But if you serve rice that is fine if you yourself have just a little of it.

@KathyWilliams I think 22cm diameter. I remember doing my research on recommended plate sizes and what people used to use.

That day you’ve described is so very familiar!! On days like those I used to eat Nutella with a spoon so the way you eat is actually entirely sensible, and your food is nutritious.

It’s worth remembering that if you’re stressed or sleep deprived it’s very hard to shift weight.

But there's no need for it to be toast. I'll swap it for something like nuts or such.

Could you try eating porridge in the evening which is filling and warm or as a PP said above popcorn? And just see if it makes a difference.

I would definitely try and get as much sleep as possible though. I think this could be your biggest downfall.

[quote SpiceRat]@Eckhart I’ve not reread the full thread which is why I said “threads like this” as I have seen stupid and dangerous advice on many many diet related threads, so my point stands.[/quote]
But there's been no stupid or dangerous advice on this thread, or do you always randomly pick a thread and say something irrelevant to that particular thread, because you've read something on a completely different thread? Weird hobby if so. There's been lots of excellent advice on this thread, and none of it stupid or dangerous.

@OverTheRainbow88

I think firstly you need to be totally honest about what you eat, as form what you’ve said there’s no reason for you to be obese.

If that’s truly what you eat I would go to the GP and ask for a blood test to get your thyroid and other tests taken.

I'm a GP. As I think you are implying, @overtherainbow88, people find it very hard to be honest about how much they eat, even with themselves. That is understandable - there is a huge amount of shame attached to being overweight or 'greedy'. But it tends to mean that it is very difficult to have an honest conversation with patients about their food intake. Food diaries that are shared with someone else aren't particularly useful, for this reason. People just aren't able to be honest. As PPs have said, Secret Eaters is the uber-example of this. People are unable to be truthful even when they know they are being secretly filmed.

The OP's description of her meals jumps out to me as a classic example of telling a GP (or MN in this case) what we want to hear, as opposed to the truth. The '2 squares of dark chocolate' appears on about 90% of food diaries I am given. It's not the truth, or at least it's not the whole truth.

OP, you are not accountable to us or anyone else about how much you eat. But you are almost certainly eating more than you think you are.

I presume you put on the weight when you were pregnant so it sounds like you're maintaining now. I found when I breastfed the weight dropped off me but my friend hung onto her weight until she actually stopped feeding. Sounds to me like you have the right attitude re setting examples to your DC but maybe just need to cut your carb intake down (I'm a toast lover too)

I think Joe wicks 90 day plan would work well for you. It’s all home cooked which some people struggle with but if you do a lot of cooking from scratch it’s fine. It teaches you how to eat really nice healthy tasty food (it’s Jamie Oliver style flavours id say) and it tells you exactly how much to make. You can just double or triple for the family. Good luck! Xxx

I haven't read the whole thread but I did Noom last year (it's an app) and lost 10kg. I haven't managed to keep it all off but it was a really helpful insight into what I eat and why. I discovered that I need to eat 1500 calories to maintain but less than that to lose. You need data for you, and you can only get that by using some kind of tracking app.

I sympathise about the being at home thing though. It's very tough to eat less when you're constantly walking past the fridge!

Life is hard @aapple and parenting even more, but you have to stop to find justifications on how you eat and understand that things will remain complicated because once the potty is gone the swimming lessons will start, and once the baby is off the high chair, it will stream its siblings toys.
What I am trying to say, is that you shouldn't wait for a good time to start focusing on your health and your priorities. It is ok to say "no, not now" to a toddler or two toddlers (not sure about ages here).

It is not about a toast, or carbs, or mushrooms. It is chaotic eating. A lot of the emotions around the treats and snacks are not yours but marketing induced, and you give food a role it shouldn't have " a pick me up" , a reward, .... but think about it, this is a way of eating you are transmitting to your children.
There are moments in which one needs food, then have some food. But a word of advice, if you want to lose weight, don't start eating nuts. Have 1 Brazil nut (great for selenium) but have two handful of blueberries instead of a toast if you MUSt have something after breastfeeding.

English is a funny language. You treat an illness, but a treat is a justification for a bad food choice, the opposite of treating an illness.

Snacking doesn't exist in most languages, because it isn't something done.
Start "treating" yourself in the real sense. Find time for your meals. Make soups, and everyone from the baby, the toddler and you can have it. The kids can add croutons and cheese and you won't

When I had gestational diabetes I learned so much about how carbs work. You probably need to reduce carbs and make sure all carbs are wholemeal (brown rice, wholemeal pasta, high protein breads) and up protein and fat. Sounds counter intuitive but you want to avoid blood sugar peaks and troughs as they cause weight gain. Think about having a bowl of pasta for dinner, especially one with no protein in there... basically, on a physiological level, you might as well be eating a bowl of cake for dinner. Once it's digested, carbohydrate is just glucose - it doesn't matter whether that carb is wheat or cane sugar! Oddly fat doesn't seem to put on fat - excess sugar is what does it. Which explains why our obesity rates are so high despite low fat products (which are packed with sugar) being so popular.

Kids needs loads of carbs - they burn all that glucose growing. Adults really don't.

[quote aapple]@AtleastitsnotMonday yesterday was:

Breakfast: cup of green tea

Snack: mushrooms and tomatoes on toast

Lunch: half a leftover jacket potato with butter, tuna and salad.

Dinner: vegetable chilli with rice

Once kids asleep: rooibos tea and toast with jam or (sugar free) peanut butter.

A couple of squares of dark chocolate at some point too.

===================

I never use extra sauces/condiments.

I have done my fitness Pal for years. It works for a while, but not permanently. It just makes me obsess over food and not eating it 24/7. I truly can't keep it up. I don't want to live my life thinking about food that much.

I am thinking very carefully about what example I set my children. I'm very aware that watching mum diet and cut out foods while emotionally eating is probably a root cause of my own issues. Really, I think I'm setting them a good example. Honestly, we eat mostly whole foods, cook together, eat age appropriate portion sizes, they don't have to clear their plates, they eat what we eat, we have treats, and homemade desserts, but not too many. I never make a big deal of them eating what their friends do when they are out, but at home it's pretty healthy. We exercise as I family, we've even moved house to be somewhere so that they can get about by walking and bike as they grow up.

Maybe it's just portion sizes and the tea and toast after bedtime. That's the only time I eat something I wouldn't want them to.

Maybe I just need to be hungry. But God it's hard to be a stay at home parent and be hungry.[/quote]
This is quite high in “white” carbohydrates and really not much protein.

I find that cutting potatoes, bread, rice and pasta, and substitute masses of broccoli, sprouts, tomatoes, peppers and spinach, as well as upping my protein really stops cravings.

And there are foods - eggs, chicken breast, fish - which are high in protein, nutritionally dense and I find very satiating. Fat and protein work for me! Avocados, eggs, cheese ...

Also for 6 months, weigh everything, and use something like a FitBit to measure calories in and calories out.

Not eating toast, jam, potatoes etc, will not teach your children an obsession over food. Substitute broccoli for potato; have a chunk of cheese instead of toast and jam. Far healthier choices for you, I’d say.

Hi not had time to RTFT but my thoughts are: you prob need more protein and replace white carbs with healthier options (sweet potato instead of white, brown rice etc). That’s advice I’ve had in the past. Also I think you should give yourself a break while you’re breastfeeding. I lost weight a bit ago but I was child free, single and had time to work out, shop and cook healthily and plan it all out. Must be so hard with kids! Also try dance workouts on YouTube if you have time just cos they’re fun.

Some people are naturally just more prone to gaining weight.
You can fight it all you like, but that’s your natural tendency.
I

Oh, also 0% fat Greek yoghurt with a teaspoon of honey, or the Iceland frozen strawberry and banana smoothie mix. My Greek friend says Fage Greek yoghurt is the closest to the yoghurt he’d eat at home in Greece.

I eat a lot (although I exercise intensely several times a week). I get really hungry, so I’m always thinking about satiety. Fish, chicken, cheese, eggs make me feel full. It’s the protein I think.

You also need to eat properly at breakfast. Just having a cup of green tea means you start the day in starvation mode and your body clings to every calorie. You need a big protein heavy breakfast. Three small meals plus three snacks really helps glycemic control.

But you are almost certainly eating more than you think you are.

You may be eating more than you think you are or having larger portion sizes but you also may not be. I did strict keto for 5 months where I weighed and measured everything and followed a strict plan - I ended up putting on weight! But lots of people will claim I did it wrong.

I think some ways of eating suit some people better than others. All of my friends who are a healthy weight have a diet of at least 80% white starchy carbs like bread, rice, potatoes and pasta. It is just finding what works for you.

@YukoandHiro

You also need to eat properly at breakfast. Just having a cup of green tea means you start the day in starvation mode and your body clings to every calorie. You need a big protein heavy breakfast. Three small meals plus three snacks really helps glycemic control.

Not necessarily, It's a myth that people who skip breakfast are heavier. It's a question of each individual finding what works best for her.

It is just finding what works for you

Agree with that 100%. Also about finding your individual triggers for over-eating and being prepared, so that you can avoid them.