Things you do that your Mother doesn't approve of/thinks are unladylike

[noirchatsdeux]

Lighthearted!

My mother thinks it's terrible that I drink beer. Ladies don't drink beer. I'm 52 and she still pouts when she knows I've had some!

Any other unladylike ladies on here?

I don't really understand why anyone would swear around their mother
Not even if one's mother is fucking annoying/ unreasonable/horrible?

I think an awful lots of these perceived transgressions come under the umbrella of women "unapologetically taking up space", as a pp put it. This is such a sad thread in a lot ways, but some really encouraging stories too.

@VegetarianDeathCult your post has really stayed with me. My dad's mum took the biggest, most terrifying step of her life many years ago (70s) by asking her parish priest for a divorce from her alcoholic husband. He said no and that was that. She died when I was about three and I don't really remember her as a person - just that little tale, which makes me sad every time I think of it.

I think the more unladylike things my dd14 does the better!

My mum was a feminist. We didn’t do ‘unladylike’. When l died my hair bright pink in 1980, ( not very widespread then) she told the tut tutting neighbours where to get off!

Eating walking along and in public wherever I feel like it. Does make me wonder if I'd be slimmer if I stopped this though...
dying my hair back to it's natural colour. Apparently it's too dark and doesn't suit me

My DM is fine, very relaxed and young. She wears Doc Martens, drinks pints, has a couple of piercings, curses like a sailor, does DIY, works part time. No airs or graces but knows her place and works in a very professional environment.

MIL is a whole other story.
When DD1 was about 2 she went through a Spiderman phase so she had Spiderman pyjamas, MIL said we were turning her into a lesbian.
I worked full time when DD1 was born-not acceptable as according to her she wouldn't be able to work and look after her family. It was one or the other.
Not allowed say fart ever, has to be "I passed wind"
Anus is back passage (don't ask)
DD2 plays football and wears tracksuits (lesbian obviously)
I said the word knackered once to her and I was told to use a nicer word.
Constant comments about weigh, hair, clothes.
So many more but I'm getting annoyed.

Its funny because my DM is actually from a wealthy family who are all very successful wheras MIL grew up in a very poor home. I think she is embarrassed by where she comes from so over compensates.

@Number3BigCupOfTea I think we must have the same type of mother! Mine has never said sorry in my entire 52 years of life. She'd also rather die that do it, is also insanely defensive and and accepts zero responsibility for her part (and she did pay a large part) in the extremely bad choices that were made when we were children. Everything was my father's fault...nothing to do with her.

@SugarfreeBlitz

Thank you! I came up the saying when I was talking with my partner - whose father is a lot like my mother - when he was saying he was pretty sure his father is disappointed in him. For me personally, realising 'the door swings both ways' has helped a lot with any residual guilt I may feel about the situation.

@SugarfreeBlitz My mother compared the pain of my chemo to the pain of childbirth....in that she went through it three time and I've 'only' had cancer twice (1st time 6 months after my wedding, age 21) My brother (who had dared to show an interest in my treatment and ask me about it in front of our mother) and me just looked at each other in horror.

I don't think I can ever forgive such a horrible statement.

@noirchatsdeux they sound like peas in a pod. My parents stayed together but my mother is the boss. It's a subtle kind of management but my father is her foot soldier. When my mother is rude, thoughtless, hurtful and I withdraw, a while later my father will be dispatched on a mission to reprimand me for hurting her! I sometimes have to steady myself when I realise how immature my parents are! But PERFECT!

@noirchatsdeux that's devastating! I'm so sorry! What an awful, compassionless woman!

I always thought I was the only one facing my hardest times without a caring mother, but now I know we are legion. So sad for anyone in this situation and I think it's plainly clear that most strangers would have more compassion than our mothers. Mother's by name and not by nature, I should add.

@Number3BigCupOfTea that used to be exactly the same for my parents! He was the biggest enabler! She also enabled him, so they kind of crossed roles at times. Together they were fearsome- until they turned on each other and fell out permanently!

Many of them battled poverty throughout their own childhoods and didn’t get the chance of an education (despite desperately wanting one), let alone the chance of a high flying career. Some of them cherished the ideas of giving their own children the things they never had themselves. My mother had to leave school at 13 as catholic children in the north of Ireland weren’t permitted to have education after that age. By 15 she was in England working to send money home because, as a catholic, she was excluded from most paying jobs at home. By 19 she was running her own little business and didn’t even get to do that in peace. Try to understand the contexts of different people’s experiences/ generations a little more. We agreed on a lot of things, we disagreed on a lot of things, but she was definitely ahead of her time.

Most of that generation (who I have met) were against breastfeeding for a variety of reasons. I don’t think it’s a personal attack form any of them- they had a variety of reasons. The push for breastfeeding is relatively modern. Before that, people did what they could/ felt comfortable with pretty free from judgement about it.

Using power tools.
Eating enough.

@SugarfreeBlitz omg that is absolutely horrendous. Why does she not acknowledge when you are ill? I can't imagine my children being ill and me giving them the cold shoulder for it. Absolutely horrendous, you poor thing. I just want to hug you.

@noirchatsdeux Your mum dismissing your pain through chemo is just evil in my opinion. How dare she compare it to anything tbh. I'm so sorry 💐

@Worldwide2 thanks so much! I suspect it has something to do with her own upbringing as her parents cult denied the existence of illness. She must have really suffered herself as medical treatment was denied and I suppose she just doesn't have anything to give? (rough guess)

Virtual hugs accepted

I have an eccentric but fabulous Aunt who always taught us to never eat, drink or smoke while walking in public.

When I was a teen, my friend was once eating an orange in town and was devastated when an old (man) berated her, telling her she was disgusting for eating in public! I've never forgotten it, but had assumed it was that particular person being grumpy, rather than an actual thing

Strange!

MIL - keeping my name as well as taking DH’s name, so double barrelled. Apparently a child needs the father’s name. Like SIL’s son. Who has SIL’s name because his father’s wife prevented him from marrying SIL.

I’m officially awkward because I pointed out that A, my DC do have their father’s name, it’s tagged onto mine 😂

And B, it’s astonishing that SIL managed to find a boyfriend with the exact same last name - it’s not a common name.

Not my mum, but a neighbour is appalled by people drinking coffee when out and about. She must be horrified these days.

My mother doesn't know the half of it thankfully.

My Mum is long gone, and these have probably been mentioned in some shape or form, but in no particular order:

Having my 'biddies' on show (showing a small amount of cleavage).
Going out for drinks with male colleagues (purely platonically) after work some times.
Paying my own way and buying rounds or splitting the price of a meal when I'm out with males, either for work or in the past on dates.
Tattoos
Piercings
Farting in DH's company
When DS was a baby, she was appalled that I didn't put him down for half an hour in the late afternoon, have a bath, do my hair and make up and make myself look nice for DH when he came home from work. Even DH thought this was hilarious.

@3CCC No idea, you'd have to ask my mother. 🤣

@Jamboree01 My mother didn't have the poverty excuse, her family was (still is) incredibly wealthy.

@Worldwide2 Thank you! I still feel a bit WTF about that comment, even though it was a decade ago.

@MammaMiaWallace Yep, another classic from my mother...you don't eat or drink on the streets. I do both nowadays and still feel a bit guilty when I do!

@SugarfreeBlitz

When I was a teen, my friend was once eating an orange in town and was devastated when an old (man) berated her, telling her she was disgusting for eating in public! I've never forgotten it, but had assumed it was that particular person being grumpy, rather than an actual thing

Strange!

It used to be considered very common to eat in the street, my mother would never have allowed me to walk through town eating.

Placemarking!