Things you do that your Mother doesn't approve of/thinks are unladylike

[noirchatsdeux]

Lighthearted!

My mother thinks it's terrible that I drink beer. Ladies don't drink beer. I'm 52 and she still pouts when she knows I've had some!

Any other unladylike ladies on here?

[quote noirchatsdeux]@noirchatsdeux Yep, my mother thought I'd be carbon copy of her (also a product of the 50s)[/quote]
Yes, im nesrly 51 and my mother expected me to be a carbon copy of her too. Couldnt have put it better.

She doesnt see me as a separate entity tbh. If she hurts me and i tell her, she gets up on the cross, she is the victim of me asking her to consider my feelings. She is a people pleaser generally but i am a tool for her people pleasing. She doesnt understand any of this and would nail herself up on the cross if i tried to make her see thst.

My mum credits herself with the fact that i never smoked. Like im a vacuum. I couldnt have made this decision myself.

@Number3BigCupOfTea

My mother doesnt grasp that the things she disapproves of are her values. Ive explained many times that for me, swearing is no big deal, but the silent treatment is unacceptable.

As someone who has lived most of their life in the silent treatment, you have my untold sympathy. Sick, isn't it. You know, it will never change so we have to adapt to thrive.

My mum was ace, and had absolutely no truck with concepts of 'ladylike'. She defended to the hilt my teenage self dressing all in black, made some of my most outrageous rock club outfits, and encouraged me to do what I wanted, not what society expected

This thread is hilarious but also quite sad. What restricted lives so many women led, and still lead.

I've got two tattoos. They can only be seen if I'm wearing a bikini. I've had one of them for about 20 years, the other for 15. She STILL occasionally offers to pay for me to have them removed.

That I don't have have razor sharp creases up the front of trousers or tuck T-shirt's into trousers or skirts.

Wear pjs about 90% of the time

I’ve shaved my head
I drink pints of beer
I wear DM’s
I buy DM’s for my daughters
I don’t wait on my husband hand and foot 😂😂

@anothernamereally

So many that have already been mentioned above but particularly swearing or wearing nightwear past 7am Also I should brush my hair and reapply apply lipstick in anticipation of dh arriving home

When I was first married my mother would be horrified that I wore leggings during the day and didn’t change and out in a full face of make up for hubby when he came home. I don’t recall her ever doing this . My MIL was very proud that she would dress up every night and put on full slap. (Got to keep the Lord and Master happy, don’t you know?) Mother was horrified that my sister wore figure hugging clothes when she was pregnant. In her day pregnant bodies were dressed to minimise the pregnancy and pretend it wasn’t really happening.

I'm not a size 8 petite thing with an 18-inch waist (was way larger than her when I was 12). Nor can I wear nice court shoes or loafers, nice neat skirts to the knee, etc.

But the main thing that annoyed me growing up was being told my periods were unladylike (bloody heavy and caused me to faint from pain) - I should control them better and have nice neat ones that only needed a Lillets a day...

She's got better over time and I've got better at creating my boundaries, so while she still struggles to think of me as a different person, part of the criticism is concern in disguise. Like when I was struggling to breastfeed ds, it was an unladylike icky thing to do, but once we got the hang of it and especially once he was adorably sitting up, it was the best thing ever and she started telling all her friends how great it was, unlike their poor bottle-fed grandchildren...

Well, I think I can safely say that, based on this thread, I’m deeply unladylike!

My lovely mum had a few strange beliefs: it was utterly shocking, for example, if your skirt or dress was visible beneath your coat. Petticoats/vests were mandatory. Other than that, loads of the others listed here, too! Long hair past 40; pregnant women showing their bumps, tattoos, piercings - she never seemed to notice my piercing, funnily enough, and she never found out about my tattoo (could easily cover it up with my clothes). Sex before marriage (I thought she was actually going to disown me when I had a boyfriend aged 19) - pp are very brave if their mum’s know about their fwbs!

My mum died a long time ago when I was young so I don't know what she would have disapproved of but my grandma is SO JUDGY!
Saying yeah, hi, thanks, hell, snot, bum, bogey. Bra straps showing. Not making my husband a cup of tea on his arrival home (he gets home before me and rarely drinks tea). Allowing my children to have opinions. Not owning my home. Being vegetarian (both my brother and I are. Bro was vegan for a while and that was ultimate horror).

@GoLightlyontheEarth I agree. To be “ladylike” seems to involve not taking up space, not making a noise, stepping back from taking a place in a “man’s world” and generally spending your life looking after other people. Even the clothes (court shoes, skirts, tights) seem restrictive.

Fascinating thread but so sad. Thank goodness my mum was a feminist. I’m sorry for so many of the infuriating mothers too, as PPs point out, their lives must have been so constricted.

Back in the 1960s my Mother and Grandmother had seen one of my cousins on her way to the local dancehall and were appalled to see that she was wearing a black chiffon scarf which, according to them, was horrendously common.

My weight.
My fashion sense.
Not dyeing my grey hair or keeping it short like women over 40 are supposed to.
High heels (trashy, apparently)
PDAs. Horrific.
Me paying for things instead of my husband (I earn much more than him)
Me earning much more than my husband

Eating any kind of food whilst walking in the street

@user143677433

Excelling in my profession.

Her greatest wish for me was that I might be a PA to someone important. Instead I am the “someone important”. It’s deeply disappointing and distressing to her. She lies to friends and family to downplay my job

Yes! This!

My DM was a secretary until she stopped working in 1970 just before my DB was born. She just does not understand the job I do despite me trying to explain it many times. I'm a senior manager in the public sector doing a very responsible job, particularly so during the pandemic. The last year has been incredibly busy and stressful. But she cannot get her head around the fact that I am not a secretary and have multiple responsibilities beyond typing and filing.

I earn twice what my DH does, yet when she needs help with something it is always me who gets berated for not being at her beck and call, whilst she is always so thoughtful as to not put pressure on him - because he works so hard. He does yes, absolutely, but so do I!

And does she ever call on my DB to help her? Nope. He's an engineer working on a massive project and is so busy. She once tried reciting that shite old poem to me about sons fucking off when they get married but daughters stick around to wipe your arse. She got very short shrift. Thankfully my DH and DB are totally supportive but it is her old fashioned mind set that I struggle with.

We call her out on it every single time but nothing ever changes. I'm the daughter so it's up to me to look after her. A colleague can pick up my secretarial duties.

Being a single parent. I wasn't accepted in my parents' house for six years after my ex left.

Wow. That is harsh. I went to live with my parents after I left my x.
But my mother didn't like it if I referred to myself as a single parent. She would correct me, or shush me. I'd say ''what!? I am!'' but she could not see me as a single parent. Even though, I am. So strange. My mum was 25 when she had me and I was 32 when I had my daughter but the generation between my mother and me seems much, much wider than the one in between my daughter and me.

@noirchatsdeux I'm laughing reading about your mother reacting to your leather jacket like you'd joined isis. I bought a suede 70s leather jacket, it was very starsky and hutch, at a second hand clothing market on a girls trip to Cork when I was 18! It was a trove of slightly smelly but 70s clothes. I got my ears pierced a second time on that trip too. My mother thought that was so awful she was lost for words. She tried a few times to sneakily throw it out. I caught her every time. I don't knnow where it is now though She won in the end.

@vinoandbrie

Getting a takeaway. I kid you not.

My mum disapproves of this too! And I find myself defending it to..............myself, thinking ''well, I'll get two nights out of this and thai food is healthy really''.

She would be shocked at me ordering takeaways when it wasn't even an occasion. Monday night is not an occasion?????????

God, we could have a separate thread on ‘garments our mothers tried to throw out’.

Mine was a nicely-made black slouchy linen John Rocha skirt that I used to wear with oversized dress shirts and boots. Apparently it ‘wasn’t flattering’ and ‘did nothing for me’. She’d have liked me in pastel florals with the waist tucked in and court shoes. Possibly with a Fergie bow.

[quote CeliaCanth]@GoLightlyontheEarth I agree. To be “ladylike” seems to involve not taking up space, not making a noise, stepping back from taking a place in a “man’s world” and generally spending your life looking after other people. Even the clothes (court shoes, skirts, tights) seem restrictive.[/quote]
Yes, it seems that way, definitely. To be seen and not heard. To be compliant. It's rubbish isn't it.

I remember now my Mother's horror at me not wearing foundation to a family occaision. I genuinely thought I looked fine, but she was absolutely floored that I let my natural skin show! She would never show her legs unless encased in thick nylon tights in a tan colour and never went out without lipstick.

It's worse when they try to impose their style onto their daughters, who can never measure up (and would never want to!)