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Original poster

Grandma wants paying for babysitting

151 replies

Bet94 · 27/02/2021 18:29

Hello all,

My mum has asked that I keep my DS off nursery one say a week so she can look after him. She's asked for payment that is the same as the nursery to look after him at my house (with my food, gas and electric ect) for the day she has him.

Am I wrong in thinking this is out of order?

Thoughts are welcome.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
woodhill · 27/02/2021 18:31

Surely it should be cheaper at your house. Does she desperately need the money?

RogueV · 27/02/2021 18:32

Yea out of order

Floralnomad · 27/02/2021 18:32

YANBU , leave him in nursery .

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Childcare & nursery Families
NovemberR · 27/02/2021 18:33

I'd be worried what my mum's finances were like if she'd suggested this.

isitsafetocomeoutyet · 27/02/2021 18:33

Why has she asked to do this?

My first thought is she needs the money.

Do you want her to look after ds?!

CodenameVillanelle · 27/02/2021 18:33

YANBU!
She either has him to spend time with him or you pay proper childcare. What a cheeky demand!

nimbuscloud · 27/02/2021 18:33

Is she in financial difficulties?

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/02/2021 18:33

Depends how expensive your nursery is.

Sparklfairy · 27/02/2021 18:33

Bit greedy. She wants nursery rates with no overheads or qualifications?

Teakind · 27/02/2021 18:35

How odd! YANBU

PotteringAlong · 27/02/2021 18:36

you can’t use tax free childcare to pay family so it will cost you 20% more in this arrangement.

Say no, and have a sensitive conversation about her financial situation.

CherryFox · 27/02/2021 18:36

Keep life simple and just leave him in nursery.

If your Mum has financial issues that's a separate conversation. Her NEEDING the money would complicate things even more so again, just leave him in nursery.

Springingintospring · 27/02/2021 18:37

I don't think it's anything to fall out over. If you dont want to, say no thank you. Or make her a counter offer. It may be in your house but it'll be 1:1 ratio rather than 1:3 or whatever in the nursery.
My parents and in laws both act as childcare for me and we made a deal that we could say anything to each other that you would say to a nursery, without anyone getting offended. Like if I needed to ask them to cut grapes up or they needed to tell me that me dropping off late was getting in the way of their plans etc.
It helps us to be able to have frank conversations when we need to without it damaging our relationships as family.

rawalpindithelabrador · 27/02/2021 18:38

'No, thanks. Really prefer to keep him in the routine of nursery.' Wouldn't pry into her finances. She's a CFer to ask for the same rate as nursery.

Batshittery · 27/02/2021 18:38

Why has she asked? Is it solely so she can earn money from you? I'd be telling her no thanks

peachcherries · 27/02/2021 18:40

My first thought was " whatttt!", however as others have suggested maybe she needs the money.
It's difficult as I wouldn't pay my parents to look after our children in normal circumstances, but if they were in need of some income and as long as they would cope, then yes I would.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2021 18:40

Thanks but no thanks, grandma. Keep him in nursery. I would bet you'll have nothing but problems if you don't.

IDontDrinkTea · 27/02/2021 18:40

My mum did this too OP. We trialled it for a while, it really didn’t work

Lampzade · 27/02/2021 18:42

Keep him in the nursery

oil0W0lio · 27/02/2021 18:43

just say thanks but that doesnt work for you, and stick to that, you dont have to justify or defend your choices
If she presses the matter maybe suggest that she looks for paid employment?

spongedog · 27/02/2021 18:46

Keep the conversations separate. So her wanting to look after DS as her grandson (unpaid) is one conversation - they might both enjoy it. The worry you have about her finances is another. And her asking to be paid for looking after a grandchild is a worry. Has she recently lost her job or hours (I've lost hours so am much more hard up than I was)? Do other family members have a view?

inmyslippers · 27/02/2021 18:46

I'd leave him in a nursery but let her know she's welcome to spend FREE time with him

Windchangeface · 27/02/2021 18:47

Just say no?

You obviously know it’s cheeky OP so trust your gut. Ask yourself if your DM has form for this? If so then bluntly tell her ‘no, the nursery provide qualified staff, food/drink/utilities, DC has the company of other children and my house is left mess free. If you want to spend time with them then do it for free or on a weekend like other grandparents’

If your DM doesn’t have form and it’s out of character then be a bit more inquisitive and sensitive. ‘That wouldn’t make a lot of sense for me but is everything ok?’

Morred · 27/02/2021 18:48

If you think she’s being a CF (rather than really short of money) tell her that it’s brilliant he’ll be able to have the same environment as at nursery - ask her what EYFS curriculum she’s going follow, what resources she’ll be bringing along (will she want to store them in your house?), what updating system will she is (maybe an app? Or record sheets?), what nutrition plan will the menus be following, etc etc

Heyha · 27/02/2021 18:48

Oh crikey no. My mum will be having DD a day a week for us and she did ask if we wouldn't mind paying her £10 train fare (she doesn't run a car) which we are more than happy to do as she is retired on a budget and helping us out. And she will be fed and will make sure we leave money for her to take DD out although there's not really anything you pay for within walking distance anyway.

But give her £53 a day? Nah. Plus as PP has said it costs you more as you can't get the tax free element with family.

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