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Original poster

Grandma wants paying for babysitting

151 replies

Bet94 · 27/02/2021 18:29

Hello all,

My mum has asked that I keep my DS off nursery one say a week so she can look after him. She's asked for payment that is the same as the nursery to look after him at my house (with my food, gas and electric ect) for the day she has him.

Am I wrong in thinking this is out of order?

Thoughts are welcome.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 27/02/2021 20:16

I would stick to nursery.

EnglishRain · 27/02/2021 20:17

Wow I can't believe her! Please tell us what she says in response. I don't understand why she thinks this is reasonable!

StopAtTheRedLight · 27/02/2021 20:18

Sounds like she is relatively young. Get a f’ing job......

Interested in this thread?

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Childcare & nursery Families
DinosaurDiana · 27/02/2021 20:18

I’d keep him in nursery. I’d grandma is sick who will have baby ?

Milliepossum · 27/02/2021 20:22

My mother insisted on doing this on school holidays, I had to cancel vacation care I had booked. Then when her days came up she told me that morning she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t do it. It was too late to get those booked days back as other people were booked instead. I had to take days off work I didn’t have, so unpaid leave, my workplace was angry. My mother didn’t think I should be annoyed because of course it was all about her and her needs , the disruption and financial cost to me was of no concern to her. I don’t make any arrangements with her anymore. I strongly recommend you keep your nursery days.

QueenOfCatan · 27/02/2021 20:22

My MIL came out with similar. I told her if I was going to pay anybody it'd be qualified professionals. Yanbu

wouldukissafrog · 27/02/2021 20:22

My mum has DD one day a week and I do leave money for any petrol and a bit of pocket money for DD (£5 ish) in case they have snack while out etc. I absolutely wouldn't pay nursery prices - for a start nursery staff are trained professionals and actually have the knowledge of activities to aid learning and.a ton of resources that you won't have at home - toys/ paint/ glitter / baking etc the daily nursery price pays for all this too.

Out of pocket expenses yes - anything above that they are better in nursery

Starlightstarbright1 · 27/02/2021 20:23

As a childminder I get quite a few parents who have used grandma and it hasn't worked.. obviously the families it does i never hear from but the risk of it falling out for no real benefit seems low.

Twisty333 · 27/02/2021 20:24

My mum lost her job so I let her watch my boys 2 days a week and paid her what I would have been paying daycare. It was convenient not having to drag the kids out of the house first thing in the morning but overall it definitely cost me more in the long run and she blew all the money at the casino anyways so.... not great.

Milliepossum · 27/02/2021 20:26

@Twisty333

My mum lost her job so I let her watch my boys 2 days a week and paid her what I would have been paying daycare. It was convenient not having to drag the kids out of the house first thing in the morning but overall it definitely cost me more in the long run and she blew all the money at the casino anyways so.... not great.
That is a terrible ending
RowanAlong · 27/02/2021 20:31

Lovely for your child to spend a day with Grandma, definitely weird that she wants paying for it, rather than offering it as a way of helping you!

Maryann1975 · 27/02/2021 20:32

I work in early years and a lot of the parents use grandparents to cover a day. They often have issues, grandparents let them down, feed the dc junk, have the tv on a lot, don’t take them out enough. In a lot of cases it is tolerated because the parents are saving money and the children are happy (it’s the parents who are not happy), but if you are paying for the privilege, I think you would really resent it after a few weeks.
Also, as others have said, you wouldn’t be entitled to any government help with fees (tax free childcare) to pay your mum, so it would cost you more.

And actually, knowing how much effort goes in to preparing activities and teaching the EYFS to children when you use a registered setting, I would want to know that if I was paying anyone to look after my dc, they were getting that Same level of care and attention.

I would stick with your nursery if I were you.

HollowTalk · 27/02/2021 20:33

Would your mum be working otherwise on that day?

Coyoacan · 27/02/2021 20:38

As it is going to cost you the same, choose the option that you think will be best for your child.

sleepyhead1980 · 27/02/2021 20:40

The only benefit of using a grandparent over nursery is the cost saving. Your child would be better off at nursery mixing with other kids and doing lots of stimulating activities

grapewine · 27/02/2021 20:41

having read your update, stick with the nursery.

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 27/02/2021 20:44

It would be a no from me, definitely. I understand why parents choose to have grandparents provide childcare to save money or whatever, but in my experience, it’s best to avoid having family that involved on a day to day basis. And to charge you the same as a full day at nursery is very fucking cheeky.

Smartiepants79 · 27/02/2021 20:46

This is very odd.
If your were asking her as a favour then she might request some remuneration.
If she’s requested to have the child then she doesn’t get paid. Except for maybe travel costs or days out??

Candodad · 27/02/2021 20:49

My gran used to ask for money towards my board when I stopped over. Some people are odd.

Smartiepants79 · 27/02/2021 20:50

There are many benefits to having a child cared for by family. Not just financial.
My girls gained so much from their 2 days a week with my mum and dad I would not have wanted it any other way.
However, my parents did out of love for my children and loved every minute. If they were struggling financially I would have made sure they weren’t out of pocket but there’s no way they would have wanted paying for time with their grandchildren.
I would not have expected them to give up a paying job to do it.

Stratfordplace · 27/02/2021 20:52

I know nan’s who have given up part time jobs to care for grandchildren and to do school runs, and picking up and minding until the parent gets home.

The benefit is that you don’t have to be at nursery by a set time and grandparents are more flexible generally.

Mum2jenny · 27/02/2021 20:54

Just ignore her, the child is better at the nursery than with a controlling family member
If you have to pay for a service, please choose one you can control. You will never be able to control a family member!!!

BungleandGeorge · 27/02/2021 21:03

@sleepyhead1980

The only benefit of using a grandparent over nursery is the cost saving. Your child would be better off at nursery mixing with other kids and doing lots of stimulating activities
That’s not the only benefit! Many grandparents love having their grandchildren, see it a privilege and do an incredible job. There can be huge benefits for all in them having a close relationship, 1 to 1 contact etc. This particular request does sound weird though. Is your mum short of money?
EL8888 · 27/02/2021 21:07

Haha no. She’s being a CF. Wanting professional pay but without professional experience, qualification or facilities. All in your house. I wouldn’t even dignify this with a explanation.

AIMD · 27/02/2021 21:10

If you’d asked her to have your child weekly and she said she’d want to be paid I’d kind of understand that, especially if it made a difference financially to her.

For her to ask you to keep the child of nursery and pay her instead is bizarre though.

What is it she wants....time with her grandchild or money? Or both?

Would she be taking a day off work to provide the care?