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Original poster

Grandma wants paying for babysitting

151 replies

Bet94 · 27/02/2021 18:29

Hello all,

My mum has asked that I keep my DS off nursery one say a week so she can look after him. She's asked for payment that is the same as the nursery to look after him at my house (with my food, gas and electric ect) for the day she has him.

Am I wrong in thinking this is out of order?

Thoughts are welcome.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Feedingthebirds1 · 27/02/2021 21:16

Given what you've said about her, I'd wonder what she'd do with DC during the day, and if she'd be reliable. I'm honestly not sure I'd trust someone who can come up with that as a scheme.

If they went out I'm guessing she'd expect you to pay for her as well as DC, if she couldn't come one day she'd still expect to be paid ('sickness pay' no doubt).

You've had some good ideas on here for saying no, I'd use one of them. And then go grey rock on her when she persists and pushes. I'd fear she's just seeing you as a cash cow, without any consideration of the DC's needs.

Mummyb9 · 27/02/2021 21:43

Hi all.

Thanks for your comments.

Perhaps I didn't word my first post correctly. I've not long gone back to work after mat leave and DS has been going to nursery two days per week but I will soon be picking up an extra day at work. I wanted to send DS to nursery for this day but my mum has asked that he go to her instead as she wants to spend time with him but for the same price I'm paying with the nursery. She has had DS for me before for odd days but never done anything with him and they sit at my home watching TV which is what they would be doing if he went to my mum on this day.

Part of me feels bad as i would love to help her but I also need to put DS and his needs/development first. Like I said she dosent work and if she was giving up a days work to do this for me then I would happily pay. I just don't get how you can ask for quality time with your grandson and then charge for it.....

justanotherneighinparadise · 27/02/2021 21:45

That would also be a no thanks from me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
Mummyb9 · 27/02/2021 21:48

I want to add also I was always charged a fee for the odd days - I just don't get it ...

Howshouldibehave · 27/02/2021 21:48

@Mummyb9

Hi all.

Thanks for your comments.

Perhaps I didn't word my first post correctly. I've not long gone back to work after mat leave and DS has been going to nursery two days per week but I will soon be picking up an extra day at work. I wanted to send DS to nursery for this day but my mum has asked that he go to her instead as she wants to spend time with him but for the same price I'm paying with the nursery. She has had DS for me before for odd days but never done anything with him and they sit at my home watching TV which is what they would be doing if he went to my mum on this day.

Part of me feels bad as i would love to help her but I also need to put DS and his needs/development first. Like I said she dosent work and if she was giving up a days work to do this for me then I would happily pay. I just don't get how you can ask for quality time with your grandson and then charge for it.....

@mummyb9

Are you the OP with a name change?

What did you say to your mum when she suggested it?!

Mummyb9 · 27/02/2021 21:51

@Howshouldibehave

Yes sorry I have changed my username Smile

I told her I would speak to DH first he laughed and told me to tell her to p**s off lol!

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 27/02/2021 21:54

Is she a fully trained Early Years Practitioner?

Obviously if she is then 1 to 1 care by a qualified EYP would be worth every penny. In fact as your child won’t get 1 to 1 qualified EYP care in nursery and. Is ONLY asking the nursery rates when they have 6 children to look after, I’d absolutely grab the chance for 1 to 1 qualified care for the standard day nursery rate.

Oh, she isn’t a qualified EYP..? Then she can’t be paid as an EYP and she isn’t qualified to be paid as childcare

ooohbriefcase · 27/02/2021 22:00

So she wants to be paid the same amount a nursery worker for sticking him in front of the tv all day. 😂

Mummyb9 · 27/02/2021 22:01

@ooohbriefcase yes basically lol

Cameleongirl · 27/02/2021 22:02

Well if all they're going to do is watch TV all day then no, it's ridiculous!

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 27/02/2021 22:07

My parents look after my youngest whilst I work , it started as 2 days but I've had to change my hours due to COVID and schools so they now do 4 days a week, never ask for a penny, my mum does all the housework and my dad the DIY, all my children have an amazing relationship with them both. They do painting, reading , colouring and walks with the dog and My toddler but she will be going to preschool
When she can but they have asked if they can have her for 1 day a week still so they have time before she will start school.

Bimblybomeyelash · 27/02/2021 22:11

I would say no to that arrangement. If my mother were to
Look after my child I wouldn’t pay her nursery rates, but I would ensure that she wasn’t out of pocket , by providing money for buses/clubs/lunch out etc etc

JackieWeaverFever · 27/02/2021 22:15

Hell no.
And weird as fuck on your mum's side.
Nursery is actually cheaper as food and heating is covered.

This is a classic "That doesn't work for me"

oil0W0lio · 27/02/2021 22:18

She wants money for old rope doesn't she

Woodlandbelle · 27/02/2021 22:23

No. I think grandparents should get paid but not the rate of a nursery. So she might leave you down last minute. You will feel like she's doing you a favour. Your good and your home. It's not the same as qualified staff at a nursery.

Changedname476 · 27/02/2021 22:39

No.

When your child goes to nursery no only can you claim it as tax relief on child care or UC or whatever you get a following the pre school nursery schooling. and once n preschool kicks in you get x amount of hours free.

None of which yo mumma can do. She could take child for free and enjoy grandparent time or over the 3 days, but if nor, and she wanted to be paid the same she isn't realising that she won't do THE SAME nor will she be be same cost as you'll get % free hours at nursery once a certain age.

So I think your mum is being CF to charge you so she can enjoy time with her grandson. If you had asked her to save yourself money that'd be different but really it's unlikely to save you money nor headaches in the longer term

Changedname476 · 27/02/2021 22:40

Whoops I meant you can't claim it as ... registered childcare in tax relief or child care

willstarttomorrow · 28/02/2021 00:43

Such a strange request from your mum. Covering extra costs is totally reasonable but expecting the same as a nursery payment? Nurseries have staff qualified to various levels in early years and will have senior staff qualified to a level to ensure they are meeting the the requirements of the early years curriculum alongside all the other requirements of child care providers. There will be structured play designed to meet your child's needs and encourage development and also the chance for your child to socialise. I am curious as to why your mother thinks she can provide the equivalent?

Tangohead · 28/02/2021 07:24

Nursery. Your dm is a cf.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/02/2021 11:16

@Bimblybomeyelash

I would say no to that arrangement. If my mother were to Look after my child I wouldn’t pay her nursery rates, but I would ensure that she wasn’t out of pocket , by providing money for buses/clubs/lunch out etc etc
And that is how it should be.
Andv · 28/02/2021 11:20

A little bit odd.

Howshouldibehave · 28/02/2021 11:24

So, you can pay a nursery who will be socialising your child with others and providing a quality, well-planned, language rich learning environment with proper insurance and plenty of staff so that if one is ill, you still have a nursery place and won’t be let down, or... you can pay the same money for a grown woman whose parents have to pay their mortgage, to sit and watch telly with your child.

It’s a really tough one.

EL8888 · 28/02/2021 11:38

@Howshouldibehave Grin yep it’s a tough call!

rawalpindithelabrador · 28/02/2021 11:48

You just tell her, 'DH and I have discussed it and we're keeping DS in nursery for the 3 days.' She balks and asks why, you just tell her, 'He needs the routine and it works better for us and for the nursery contract.'

She needs to be told NO. She's a CFer.

Stratfordplace · 28/02/2021 12:39

Not all nurseries are are centres of excellence. Some a really mediocre. Likewise not all grandparents sit watching TV all day with infants.