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Original poster

Grandma wants paying for babysitting

151 replies

Bet94 · 27/02/2021 18:29

Hello all,

My mum has asked that I keep my DS off nursery one say a week so she can look after him. She's asked for payment that is the same as the nursery to look after him at my house (with my food, gas and electric ect) for the day she has him.

Am I wrong in thinking this is out of order?

Thoughts are welcome.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2021 19:40

How old is she? Very strange to have parents paying her mortgage

BearEastie · 27/02/2021 19:40

Reported myself as I misread the OP.

percheron67 · 27/02/2021 19:41

i cannot credit this, My wonderful parents helped to look after my daughter when she was young, They did it out of love for my child and me.

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Childcare & nursery Families
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/02/2021 19:41

@bigbird1969

So your mum has her parents paying off her mortgage and now wants you to pay her for something you dont need which is childcare. Leave your little one at nursery,
Cash in hand presumably, so benefit fraud. And overheads for you plus no childcare payment. And insurance etc.

Not even mates' rates?

mumwon · 27/02/2021 19:43

www.gov.uk/support-for-mortgage-interest

bigbird1969 · 27/02/2021 19:43

MrsTerryPratchett very true

SplendidSuns1000 · 27/02/2021 19:46

I'd understand completely if she was working and was missing a day of work to care for your child but paying the same as nursery seems ridiculous. I'd maybe offer some cash or to get food in for her to say thank you but as you don't need her help she shouldn't be expecting anything!

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 27/02/2021 19:47

No no no
Four days in my nursery pretty much costs the same as a full week
You'd loose your fifth day and when your mum decided it isn't for her, or she wants a break, or she has an appointment, or she goes away, etc, etc you'll be stuck with no childcare.
Plus, if you're entitled to the 20%/tax free childcare through the government you'll be loosing more money if your mum wants the nursery day rate.
When DD started nursery we decided to book her in for the week and allow MIL to take her out one afternoon a week. It hasn't happened with lockdown but I always wanted to keep her booked in full time in case there was a reason MIL couldn't do it regularly.

WingingIt101 · 27/02/2021 19:48

It's also worth remembering the childcare setting are trained in early years development which is part of what you pay for (not just time and utilities) and they often spend money on things like activities and have insurance overheads too - for such expensive outgoings for us they actually don't usually make huge profits!

I think it's lovely your mum wants to have ds and if you would be happy for him to be with her one day a week then that's a lovely arrangement, but at a very clinical look at it I wouldn't pay the same to a family member as I did to nursery unless money was really no object to us.

We have one day a week covered by my DM but she does it for free because her and DD are besotted with each other and she doesn't need the money. We have offered to cover expenses like petrol (she comes to our home) ensure there is plenty of stuff in the kitchen that mum likes for lunch and copious tea bags and milk and then our plan is to treat her to something nice every few months (flowers / bottle of wine / dinner when we can go out!). We are very very lucky to have this arrangement though!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/02/2021 19:50

If you cancel one of your nursery days and then she decides at short notice not to mind your DS anymore, you might not be able to get the nursery day back. Then you'd be stuffed. I wouldn't give up the nursery place.

This is a good point.

If she changed her mind - or was unwell and felt she couldn't take your son - then you could be well and truly stuffed for childcare.

WingingIt101 · 27/02/2021 19:50

Also it's worth checking with nursery as my friends said they charged a full week for 4 days attendance as almost nobody wanted 1 day. I've not heard of this anywhere else though!

moanieleminx · 27/02/2021 19:50

Wouldn't you still have to pay the nursery anyway?

But no way would I do that. If her parents are lying her mortgage, she can't be very old. Still time to do things if she wants to earn an income?

user1498572889 · 27/02/2021 19:52

That’s very strange. I have a day off of work each week so I can look after my grandkids and save their parents some money.

Thirtyrock39 · 27/02/2021 19:53

Without meaning to be harsh too grandparents who babysit grandkids it often requires a fair amount of compromise and getting a bit irritated by how things are done having family helping. Yes it's great in loads of ways especially in terms of bonds, often a bit more flexible if baby is poorly etc but there is often a fair bit of tension. The bonus with paying a professional is there are clear boundaries and you can say if you're not happy about something, or want something changing. Also they will be following eyfs etc at nursery.
I'd use the tax free childcare as a handy get out and just say you'd actually be paying more to use her.
I think it's a bit different if you were using her a lot for childcare but one day a week I think seems v grabby for her to expect same rate as nursery

moanieleminx · 27/02/2021 19:55

Also, if you swapped mortgage for rent I would think that you were my niece. SIL has never ever had a job, has 8 kids (who she doesn't take the best care of and my elderly PIL often step in to make sure the bairns have everything they need) and seems to think this makes her a childcare professional.

I have worked in Early years and am now a qualified primary teacher (and I have a large family of my own). SIL thinks she is just as qualified as I am, and has been known to offer her childcare services in exchange for an (undeclared) salary. Funnily enough, no one has ever taken her up on the offer...

TheyIsMyFamily · 27/02/2021 19:56

I would decline but ask her to be your backup plan for when your child is under the weather and nursery can't have him. Agree to pay her something for those days ... she's clearly angling for a bit more spending money. And it will save you having to take personal days to look after a sick child.

MyOldSelf · 27/02/2021 19:56

Your mum doesn't work and the state (tax payers) pay her. Her parents pay her mortgage, She wants her DD to pay her to look after her GC.

Your mum is a sponger and a major CF'er. Do you not see this? Does she take any personal responsibility at all? Personally, I would not be leaving your son with her. She is hardly a role model, is she? She'll be knicking his sweets.

By the way, does she get the housing benefit portion of UC along with her mortgage paid? Fraud alert!

RedGoldAndGreene · 27/02/2021 19:57

If she reduced her income in order to look after my child then I would pay her eg she went from 5 days a week to 4 days a week.

I would pay expenses like travel costs to my house and entry fees to activities but I wouldn't expect to pay the same as nursery.

You haven't commented on her suitability as a carer and what her relationship with dc is like atm. Is she likely to be flaky and inconvenience you? What happens if dc or she is ill? At nursery, a carer being ill means a different member of staff looking after him but if she is ill you're screwed. The difference between 4 days a week and 5 days a week can be quite small in terms of fees.

Cherrysoup · 27/02/2021 19:58

May as well leave him in nursery. What benefit would it be to him to keep him home with her?

FuckyouBrennan · 27/02/2021 20:03

Missing the point of the thread - but if she’s a grandmother herself. How old are her parents that pay her mortgage? Pensioners im assuming??

Tell her no. My MIL asked to have our DD when I went back to work. Had a lovely day the first week. That weekend when we visited, she gave me an “invoice” for the petrol, day out, food etc and said I didn’t need to provide nappies next week and she had bought some. The nappies were also on the invoice.

DD went to nursery!

caringcarer · 27/02/2021 20:04

How awful that she sees her own dgc as a commodity and means of making money. Tell her you would prefer to keep him in nursery as he is in a set routine. Before pandemic I travelled over 100 miles to care for or my dgs when he could not go to nursery due to bad cold etc. to help out my dd, I stayed for 4 days then travelled back.

Cameleongirl · 27/02/2021 20:09

I'm guessing she needs/wants some extra money and sees childcare as a way of earning some.

I think you need to talk to her about why she's made this suggestion, it's certainly unusual.

MaeveDidIt · 27/02/2021 20:10

This is a new one on me.
Don't do it - you'll start to really resent her.
Just unbelievable that a grandma would expect this.
Mind you, I've known worse but in other ways (namely favouritism).

LouLou198 · 27/02/2021 20:10

That's a really strange request. My mum had DD's 1 day a week for me, but not to make money out of it, she genuinely wanted to spend time with them and wanted to ease the financial burden of nursery for me. I would say thanks but no thanks, you would prefer ds had the routine of nursery. It would end up costing you more than a day at nursery if she did look after ds in your home, with the cost of light/heat/food.

Cameleongirl · 27/02/2021 20:15

I might consider it if it turns out that she's struggling financially and this would be a way of helping her. I'd need to know more first though and be sure that she'd be able to look after my child properly - that she's physically well enough, for example.

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