I’ve got a purple fanny

[TheLostDiadem]

Due to see boyfriend for the first time this year at the weekend. We only started seeing each other in December, slept together once and then lockdown happened again.

I can’t get a bikini wax so attempted to do it myself yesterday. I half chickened out though so only a few hairs came out even though it bloody killed. Figured it didn’t matter and I’d just do a bit of a tidy up Saturday morning before I go and see him.

I’ve just had a shower and my fanny is completely purple and bruised. It looks like loads of bruises around the actual hairs so it looks like hundreds of little bulls eyes. Even though the hairs didn’t come out they got a tug and that must have bruised them somehow.

Should I be worried? Can anyone recommend a decent minge friendly concealer? There’s no way this is going to disappear in the next 48 hours is there? I’ve taken some arnica but not expecting it to do much.

I think it might go down a fair bit in 24 hours, arnica cream and I would leave your undies off and wear a skirt to minimise irritation.

Don’t put anything resembling concealer anywhere near it! Leave it well alone and it should settle down. Sounds sore OP, but your writing style really made me laugh.

Sorry but minge friendly concealer has finished me off.
Hope it's not too sore, OP

God don’t put make up on it. Christ can you imagine trying to explain that when it rubs off “no darling I don’t usually put make up on my fanny”.

Lather on some baby oil and squat over a pile of glitter..
I feel certain a unicorn themed sparkly minge will be a fab addition to a sex fuelled evening..

Oh I'm really sorry but this made me laugh!

Not for the pain you must be in though!

Treat as you would any bruise, maybe a little light icing and painkillers. Maybe keep the lights low and encourage him to keep eyes above your hips!

Or you could relate your experience and let him appreciate the effort and suffering you've gone through for him

A light icing - chocolate or vanilla buttercream or royal maybe!!!!

Arnica and ice!!! Let it go down by itself

Sorry still laughing

I loved your thread title so much I just had to click on it

You need a Merkin

Just don't lie or try to cover it up. Just brazen it out and tell the truth that you had a nightmare wax. Just laugh it off. If you're in the throes of passion he won't be arsed.

Weeping with laughter here......

Sorry OP, purple fanny, minge concealer.... I. Am. Done.😂

Hmm minge concealer... Let me think about that... Cover it in yoghurt and the bulls eyes should go down a bit I reckon or if they don't dab a bit of highlighter on them this will reflect the light away and blur any imperfections you're welcome

It will recede don't fret.
But you could try Trinny London blur stuff if not! . I'm plagued with itch currently after trying to shave so I feel the pain. Might adopt a Joy of sex front cover 70s bush

Ouch! Keep it well moisturised. And just suggest sex with the lights off. It’s been a while he won’t say no!

Just turn the light out

He really won’t care what colour it is.

If he is close enough to see it up close then he is close enough for you to tell.

And if he turns his nose up (so to speak) then he isnt worth your time or your trust or your body.

Adding.....a man worth having would wince on your behalf, whilst stifling a laugh because (sorry!) it is a little bit funny, and say something cringey like "I'll be gentle" and make you smile and feel better.

@Ginandtonic4all

A light icing - chocolate or vanilla buttercream or royal maybe!!!!

My first thought too! I read it and immediately envisioned a wedding cake type arrangement on the OPs down-below :o

Blue waffle anyone?

If you don't know what this is;don't google it 😂

Aloe Vera gel is what we used when I worked in the beauty industry.

NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT GOOGLE BLUE WAFFLE!!!!!!
If you never listen any advice ever again, listen to this!!

@thenewduchessofhastings I know you're game you evil bitch :o Someone caught me out like that years ago, and I have never slept properly since!!!:o :o

Your!

And FYI the personal insult was in jest.... just in case...