What's the strangest call you've ever had from your child's school

[listsandbudgets]

Pancake day always makes me remember this one.

You know that cold feeling when the phone goes and its school? Is my child ill, hurt, in trouble etc. etc.

A few years ago mine went on pancake day. The school receptionist said "we're sorry about this Lists but Lists-junior has been hit over the head with a frying pan"

(turned out thankfully it was only a very light, one and they'd been having a pancake race when he tripped, the boy behind him tripped and somehow in the tangle the frying pan whacked him on the head!)

Has anyone had a stranger call than that?

I have had to make a bizarre phone call or two...

“Mrs Smith, Freddie says he isn’t wearing any underpants today. We checked discretely, and he’s quite correct. He says he forgot to put any on this morning. Please could you ensure he’s wearing pants tomorrow?”

@sadpapercourtesan

Oh god so many

DS1 aged 6, just before he was diagnosed with ASD: phone call from school, ultra-serious, I was hauled in and confronted by three members of staff about an incident of "inappropriate sexualised behaviour" in the boys' toilets. After speaking to DS1 about it (they hadn't allowed him to explain himself, so had no idea) it turned out he'd copied the Horrid Henry scene where he pulls his pants down and runs around with his arse hanging out. To DS1, if it was funny in the book, it's funny in reality.

DS1 aged 3 at nursery: hauled in by very irate teacher to collect him after he turned all the taps on in the toilets "to see what would happen". I was greeted icily and handed a mop

DS1 aged 4 at nursery: hauled in after the Easter Celebration (which I couldn't make because I had to work) because he'd kicked all the heads off the daffodils in the garden, because they were "too wobbly and yellow and made him feel horrible".

DS1 aged 5 in Reception: he was carried out of the dining room screaming "You should be fired" at the dinner lady who took away his Cornish pasty because he refused to eat it with a knife and fork. He'd tried to explain to her the history of the Cornish pasty and that the purpose of the pastry was to give you something to hold, and "Nobody wants to see the inside of a pasty, that's the whole point". She already hated him because on his first day he asked whether the pasta was al dente.

DS1 aged 14, he and his friends staged a protest against "being treated like animals" in the school canteen by bringing in a tablecloth, placemats and proper cutlery/glasses.

DS1 aged 15: he'd written his own version of the school's "Preparedness for Learning" code (which was very rigid and petty, admittedly) featuring points including "Students must leave their brains at Reception before proceeding to the classrooms" and "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding".

He's 18 now and I'm so relieved we don't have to deal with schools any more.

Oh dear.

@Adzii77

1st phone call many moons ago, my son, (then 6,) had informed his class he wanted to be a ‘pornstar’ when he grew up... I had to embarrassingly explain to the headteacher his obsession with the American show PAWNSTARS about a famous pawnbroker which was completely different from their assumption. Felt awful. Previously a few years before that, I was informed my daughter age 9 at the time had taken in a magazine to class that showed diagrams of how to perform oral sex! My MIL had innocently bought her a magazine without realising it was aimed at much older teens! The shame......

I am laughing so hard at these!

I’m not a parent but I’m a nursery practitioner and I think one of the best calls I’ve had to make was to phone a dad and ask if I could turn his son into a dinosaur..
(Basically we had to have consent forms signed to apply facepaint but as we didn’t have one signed for the little boy, I phoned to gain verbal consent)
Could hear the dads relief in his voice when that’s all I was phoning for, rather than him being hurt or pooorly!

Hello, small Brit has a nasty rash on his chin, could you come and collect him please?
Left work to wipe tomato sauce off his face...

When my eldest was in reception I got a call at lunch time from her teacher to check if everything was ok at home and what support they could offer..
Because my daughter told her teacher I was dead..
Thing was I had personally handed her over to that teacher hours ago.

So the class teacher called to tell me 8 year old "Emma" has been terrible today and had punched another pupil.

I apologised profusely, went berserk "Emma" got home.

"Emma" was really confused, had no idea what I was talking about.

I called the school bank, teacher was insistent.

I said, are you sure, as my child has no idea what your talking about s as of there are two Emma's.

He then went silent.

Wrong parent, my child is black, the other one white... how he mixed them up, no idea.

He's called the wrong parent

She went to the toilet without permission and took her bag with her.

I was pulled out of a meeting for this. She was on her period ffs.

[quote Lochmorlich]@Prufrocks thats so funny.

My ds aged about 8 came out of school looking sad.
Me. Whats the matter?
Ds. Joe (fake name) has been showing his willy under the table to me and Tom.
Me.(trying not to snigger) thats not nice. What did you do?
Ds. I told him not to and he said he'd put it away but when I looked again it was still there.
Me. Oh. What did Tom do?
Ds. Tom tried to stab it with his pencil.

I couldn't speak at that point.
Well done Tom.[/quote]

God the other way round though.

My ex husband was a total nightmare, constantly ringing me and trying to get my sole custody, no contact with him order reversed.

I got so sick of being called day and night I put a message on my phone saying, "I am not in at the moment so please fuck off after the tone".

I had intended to delete it later that day.

However, the headmistress of DS's catholic school decided to ring me that day, heard the message, ignored it and left me a message to call her back. i nearly died!!!

These are brilliant

'Hi Mrs Twatter, little Twat has been wearing pretend glasses to school every day this week and told us he needs them to see. Does he actually need glasses?'

DS is a teen now so this is many years ago. But when he in reception he came home and told me a child had tried to strangle him. I didn't think he could be right so didn't mention it to the school. A week later was parents evening and the teacher asked an odd question about whether DS had any issues in the class. It was clearly a leading question and oddly worded. I immediately told her what DS had said just thinking she would confirm it wasn't the case. It turned out it had happened and I was a bit , not least because I felt if I'd not raised it then the teacher wouldn't have said anything. I said I felt like we should have been told about this and questioned how it could happen given the child was meant to have 1to1 support.

A few months later I am on a conference call at home and my phone is repeatedly ringing from the school. I cut off the call and expecting there to be an emergency of some sort. The TA proceeds to tell me that DS has been following the child who strangled him trying to put a necklace on him. And? I say. Surely this is just playground behaviour it's not like he strangled him! I am 100% sure it was some petty retaliation for the fact I made my feelings clear about the first incident.

"can you come to the school please, DD has sat on a drawing pin and is very upset"

I would be too! She had calmed down by the time I arrived.

Hi everyone

Strangest phone call was when school phoned me to say my youngest son, aged 5, was crying because he was insisting he had a ‘blue Willy’!!😬😂

For obvious reasons the staff were unable to check out my son’s claims, so I had to go in at lunchtime to check. Found my son incredibly upset, so took him into the loo just to find he had blue dye on his privates which had transferred from his new blue underpants (which I hadn’t washed before he wore them, stupidly)!

He then skipped off happily, mystery solved 😊 x

Poor little lad. Bet you washed the rest of the pants before you got a phone call on Tuesday about his green willy and Wednesday about his orange willy...

monkeyadja

I had a call that went like this
Me. Hello
School secretary. Ha ha ha,
Me. Hello
SS. Oh hello Mary (not my name)
Me. This is Gabs
SS. Oh I have Mary written here
Me. Who is this
SS. Sorry, its 'name of school'. Your son is entertaining us here. He's very charming isn't he.
Me. Is there a problem?
SS. He says he's not feeling well. Is it OK if he goes home.
Me. I suppose so.
SS. He's a lovely boy, he always makes us laugh when he's in here.
Me, er thank you.
SS. OK I'll tell him he can go on home then.

When my ds was first in nursery , nearly 3 years old, I got called in at pick up time to talk about an ‘incident’. The teacher said she’d had to have a word with ds as he had been walking about the classroom like a zombie with his arms out and scaring the other children. I told her I would explain to him that zombies were more of an at home thing if it was upsetting people. She then said ‘yes, he was doing the sound effects and everything!’
When I told his godmother what had happened she was cross that nursery we’re trying to squash his creativity

"Hello its school here. Just letting you know we have your car key here. Your dd brought them to school with her, as she wanted to be a grown up for the day and was with her friends in the playground. She was pretending to drive 3 friends to the shops. She wanted you to know that she locked her car up and made her friends take their rubbish out when they got there."

My dh had dropped her to school in his car on his way to work to save me doing the school run that day. Dd was in reception class.

@Primrosefields

"Hello its school here. Just letting you know we have your car key here. Your dd brought them to school with her, as she wanted to be a grown up for the day and was with her friends in the playground. She was pretending to drive 3 friends to the shops. She wanted you to know that she locked her car up and made her friends take their rubbish out when they got there."

My dh had dropped her to school in his car on his way to work to save me doing the school run that day. Dd was in reception class.

This may be my favourite @Primrosefields

Think I could possibly ask them too many times to take their rubbish out of my car.