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Original poster

Babies at weddings AITA?

172 replies

HM2018 · 15/02/2021 18:20

I am the maid of honour for my younger sister’s wedding this summer. Her and her fiancé are both pre-kids and I have a 3 yr old and am expecting a second child in 3 weeks.
I have been to a lot of weddings and in my experience, it’s totally fine to say ‘no kids’ for a wedding, but everyone allows you to bring ‘babes in arms’ i.e. little babies who don’t cost anything as they’re still on milk and don’t require a seat.
However my sister and her fiancé are planning on allowing me to bring my 2 kids, but saying to others that no kids (including babies) can come. Obviously a lot of people are very happy to leave their babies or kids with grandparents, so for many it won’t be an issue. But I just feel that obligating parents to choose between having to leave their baby or being part of a social event, is really unfair and quite an outdated stance to have on it. In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them. To be clear, I’m talking about babies who are still being milk fed and who don’t take up a seat at a table etc.
What do people think?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 15/02/2021 18:36

I think it's absolutely fine to say no babies or children (and remember it's not just mothers who are affected by this), but they can't at the same time also complain that people can't attend. We have no one who could look after ours unless it was a very local wedding (and we've never actually attended a local wedding as all family and friends live a ways away, we moved here after we got married). A few times dh has been best man and it's been a child free wedding (including one a destination wedding abroad Hmm ). That's fine. But only one of us could attend and as he was in the wedding, it was him. Another time, another friend of dh's got married and had a childfree wedding and I was away presenting at a conference for work that week. So dh couldn't attend because he couldn't even bring dc along solo. Friends were disappointed, but that's unfortunately the reality of it if you make it tricky for people to attend. But I think it's not necessarily more tricky than say, a Tuesday wedding (had a few of those), or a destination wedding in a very expensive resort area planned during half term when prices were like 3x what they would normally be any other week. It's fine to make that decision, but it does affect if people can come. As long as no one is grumpy about that. Hmm

Wolfiefan · 15/02/2021 18:40

If it’s their wedding then it’s their choice. It’s not about taking up a seat. More likely they don’t want babies wailing through their vows.

CatFaceCats · 15/02/2021 18:43

Their wedding? Their choice.
I’m all for mums being supported and accommodated in general day to day life. But if the bride doesn’t want a baby crying or her maid of honour having to get up and down and walk a crying baby, then that’s completely up to the bride.

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PotteringAlong · 15/02/2021 18:45

I think it’s nothing to do with you. Their wedding, their choice.

whatsnewpussycat777 · 15/02/2021 18:57

AITA?

RoseAndRose · 15/02/2021 19:03

@whatsnewpussycat777

AITA?
It's a Reddit phrase - 'am I the asshole?'

OP perhaps hasn't noticed AIBU (yet)

DonLewis · 15/02/2021 19:05

Yeah, reddit SPEAK. Am I The Asshole.

Meowtha · 15/02/2021 19:08

I'm getting married next year. Only babies in arms.

It's completely up to the couple getting married. So yes, I think you're unreasonable if you're suggesting all children should be invited. It would double the number of guests at my wedding, and many of the children we're not close to.

Frogartist · 15/02/2021 19:10

not allowing babies and children at weddings is quite a new tradition, not the other way round. But it is up to the bride and groom to invite anyone they like. Personally I think weddings with (well behaved) children are much nicer.

user1654236589623652 · 15/02/2021 19:10

In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them.

It's a party. And your sister doesn't want kids or screaming babies there. As is her choice.

She's not required to prepare an equality impact assessment for her wedding.

BlueTimes · 15/02/2021 19:11

Totally up to the couple and I don’t know any who haven’t allowed children but have allowed babies.

It’s completely the decision of those getting married and certainly not up to you to dictate.

whatsnewpussycat777 · 15/02/2021 19:11

Ah

Re aita !

madmara · 15/02/2021 19:13

In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them

Supported and accommodated at someone else's party?

Honestly, you are being ridiculous. Their wedding, their choice.

Moonstone1234 · 15/02/2021 19:13

It’s the screaming and crying that I didn’t want. That and the people who thought their child was the centre on the universe and crying was just what babies did.

JorisBonson · 15/02/2021 19:15

@Wolfiefan

If it’s their wedding then it’s their choice. It’s not about taking up a seat. More likely they don’t want babies wailing through their vows.
This. Exactly this.
Giraffaelina · 15/02/2021 19:15

I think it's quite standard, I literally have never been to a wedding in the UK where kids / babies were invited. But some invites did mention in advance that children (as well as babies) of close family will be attending so everyone knew what to expect. This of course means that some families will not attend as they don't want to leave their kids at home. Plus it's not always because they cost money / take up a seat but because they tend to get (understandably) bored and noisy and it's not always possible to set up a kids entertainment corner etc...

NuniaBeeswax · 15/02/2021 19:15

You're not "obliged" to do anything though.

TurquoiseDragon · 15/02/2021 19:16

Their wedding, their choice.

And I've been to a couple of weddings where it was no children other than the very immediate family, ie children of siblings. Again, B&G choice.

mopphead · 15/02/2021 19:17

Agree it's totally up to the couple, as long as they accept that they're telling mums of young babies they can't come.

ScarfaceCwaw · 15/02/2021 19:18

I can't get much worked up about it either way. People get to decide what kind of party they are throwing, other people get to decide if they're coming or not. I prefer grown up parties without my kids, but if I were invited to a no-kids wedding and had an ebf newborn I would skip it, no hard feelings, end of story.

FlorenceOfBelgravia · 15/02/2021 19:18

I agree with @mindutopia that it’s absolutely fine for couples to specify no children or babies at their wedding, but they then don’t have the right to be annoyed if that means that people are unable to make it.

If they are specifying no children and then getting angry at guests who decline invites due to lack of childcare, then the marrying couple ABVU.

user1493413286 · 15/02/2021 19:18

I think that’s fine as long as the bride and groom don’t then get upset when people decline or act like they are out of order for not wanting to leave DC (of any age) for the night.

RoseAndRose · 15/02/2021 19:19

In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them

Yes, for public goods and services.

But that does not extend to private parties

peak2021 · 15/02/2021 19:20

I'm with the 'its your wedding' school of thought, recognising some invites may be declined.

partyatthepalace · 15/02/2021 19:21

It’s their wedding! They will only do it once (hopefully), of course it’s fine for them to say no babies no kids - but then yes they do have accept if people can’t make it.

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