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Original poster

Babies at weddings AITA?

172 replies

HM2018 · 15/02/2021 18:20

I am the maid of honour for my younger sister’s wedding this summer. Her and her fiancé are both pre-kids and I have a 3 yr old and am expecting a second child in 3 weeks.
I have been to a lot of weddings and in my experience, it’s totally fine to say ‘no kids’ for a wedding, but everyone allows you to bring ‘babes in arms’ i.e. little babies who don’t cost anything as they’re still on milk and don’t require a seat.
However my sister and her fiancé are planning on allowing me to bring my 2 kids, but saying to others that no kids (including babies) can come. Obviously a lot of people are very happy to leave their babies or kids with grandparents, so for many it won’t be an issue. But I just feel that obligating parents to choose between having to leave their baby or being part of a social event, is really unfair and quite an outdated stance to have on it. In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them. To be clear, I’m talking about babies who are still being milk fed and who don’t take up a seat at a table etc.
What do people think?

OP posts:
PracticingPerson · 15/02/2021 19:51

I agree with you, but whoever arranges the wedding makes the choice. Adult only weddings are often pretty dull IME, but again, I had mine the way I wanted it and others do what they want.

unmarkedbythat · 15/02/2021 19:51

People are entirely free to have child free weddings and I am entirely free to decline to attend them. I don't take offence to them wanting a child free event, I'm sure they don't take offence to my not attending, so it's all fine.

Fridget · 15/02/2021 19:52

any decent parent would surely leave the vows/speeches if their baby was distressed

Time and time again though parents don’t. Or will leave when baby screams but not the ten minutes of whinging first.

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Stompythedinosaur · 15/02/2021 19:52

Obviously they can do what they want. But I think banning newborns from a wedding is effectively banning mothers of young babies from your wedding, which is a bit of a dick move (and is a sexist choice).

Meredithgrey1 · 15/02/2021 19:55

I think that people can do whatever they want for their wedding, but can’t complain if their decisions mean people can’t come.
So, if they want a ridiculously expensive destination wedding, fine, but don’t complain that some people can’t afford it and therefore don’t come.
Don’t want babies at your wedding, fine, but don’t complain if some people therefore have to turn down the invitation.

DavidsSchitt · 15/02/2021 19:56

YABU it's nothing to do with you.

Janaih · 15/02/2021 19:57

I've never been to a no kids wedding that actually was no kids. Its always some kids.
I think its naff. But your wedding your rules innit.

BlueTimes · 15/02/2021 19:58

In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them.

I think that brides and grooms should be allowed to have the wedding that they want.

Sidewalksue · 15/02/2021 19:59

Yes it’s fine to say no children as long as they understand that people might not come. Not everyone had childcare, especially that might cover a few days.

I had a friend who got married straight out of uni and a couple friend of ours was coming. The girl had given birth a few days before and brought the baby (obviously) and the bride went mental and thought she ‘should have left it with someone’. The baby never made a sound and mum was so knackered she ended up in her room for a lot of the day.
It was funny seeing the brides change of opinion once she had her own children and didn’t want to leave them.

SpudsandGravy · 15/02/2021 20:02

TBH I think it's up to those getting married to decide how they want to celebrate their day. If there's ever a day upon which they shouldn't have to be putting the desires of others first then this is probably it.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/02/2021 20:03

I was pre-babies when me and my DH got married and we chose not to have babies/children at ours.

I have a 10 month old now and still feel the same.

BlueTimes · 15/02/2021 20:06

@LouNatics

I’ve never been to an adults only wedding. In fact my child was once invited to a wedding that I wasn’t. And I’ve also been to lots of weddings I wasn’t invited to. Some as a child.

I would think a no children rule odd. I would think the same thing about any of the public celebration or ceremonies, eg weddings christenings funerals. You can’t really control who comes on the day can you?

Of course you can control who comes on the day. If you’ve hired a venue, a quick work to the wedding coordinator would get the person discreetly and quickly removed. Terrible manners to disregard an invite and take a child with you regardless.
Ragwort · 15/02/2021 20:07

Their wedding, their choice, but equally as a guest it is your choice whether to accept an invitation or not. No one should feel obliged to accept an invitation (and the hosts should not feel 'snubbed' if people politely decline). I am at the age when I rarely accept a wedding invitation - it's liberating Grin. And I had an incredibly small wedding myself, invited five people and they all accepted - but I would absolutely not have been offended if they declined.

MizMoonshine · 15/02/2021 20:08

I wouldn't want a baby at my wedding. I currently have a six month old on my lap. They're very loud. No your sister is getting v generous to let you bring your kids.

Crackerofdoom · 15/02/2021 20:09

We had all babies and children at ours and I loved it.

We have 3 kids and I am never offended if someone doesn't want them at their wedding. It does mean sometimes that we don't go or only one of us does.

Nomorepies · 15/02/2021 20:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

CherryRoulade · 15/02/2021 20:10

I do think it’s up to the people hosting the wedding. That said it’s quite a modern idea. I think I’ve only ever been to one without children and that was ‘ever so tasteful’ but truly lacking in joy.

Our daughter originally said no children, but then friends started having babies. She wanted her friends and cousins so changed her mind completely, thank goodness. I think weddings are about celebration of a union that usually welcomes children as part of the package. I believe the best weddings are relaxed, riotous fun with children fully involved rather than photo shoot sets. It’s not my choice though; it’s the bride who has the casting vote.

crumptrump · 15/02/2021 20:11

I would assume that the bride and groom don't have anyone close to them who will have a 'babe in arms' - at least nobody they really care about coming to the wedding.

TableFlowerss · 15/02/2021 20:14

I think it’s the one day they get the chose everything. If they don’t want other folks’s kids at their wedding then that’s absolutely their right!

Lots of people chose to not invite children because they don’t want them potentially carrying on, making a noise, crying etc... it’s their big day and will have cost them thousands. Imagine a screaming child crying through the service.... nightmare!

Having said that, it’s also the guests entitlement to decline the offer of they feel they don’t want to leave their --precious-- child at home...

AlwaysLatte · 15/02/2021 20:15

I think ultimately the bride and groom should be respected for doing it however they prefer, but personally if I had had an invitation but without children (it hasn't ever happened that they have been left out) then I wouldn't go unless it was very local. Even then we never left our children with babysitters unless they were family until they were about 5, so that would negate a lot of family weddings!

manyhorror · 15/02/2021 20:16

My dd cried and wailed through my small wedding ceremony. If I could have uninvited her I would have. YABU. It's up to the bride and groom.

Bimbabo · 15/02/2021 20:22

We were completely child free and only one couple tried everything they could to bring their toddler...and dog. We stood firm and said no. Went let people know in a save the date so they had 10 months to decide if they could manage without their children or not. We now have a child and couldn’t think of anything worse, for her, than being at a wedding all day.

N4ish · 15/02/2021 20:25

I love weddings with all ages from newborn babies right up to very old grandparents. That’s how Irish weddings are which I grew up with so have to say I find the UK trend for kid free weddings a bit sanitised and cold.

However the person organising and paying for the wedding gets to choose, up to them to say no kids if that’s what they really want.

Atrixie · 15/02/2021 20:26

not allowing babies and children at weddings is quite a new tradition, not the other way round

Never been to a wedding with more than family children, my kids have never been invited to a non family wedding and it wouldn’t occur to me to expect them to be

DoctorHildegardLanstrom · 15/02/2021 20:28

We went to 3 weddings all within a year of DS being born, all kid fee the first one was 3 weeks after he was born, we bought him to the first 2 but by the third one, he was crawling and starting on solids so we didn't even bother asking, it was our first night out since he had been born and I have fond memories of that wedding.