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Original poster

Babies at weddings AITA?

172 replies

HM2018 · 15/02/2021 18:20

I am the maid of honour for my younger sister’s wedding this summer. Her and her fiancé are both pre-kids and I have a 3 yr old and am expecting a second child in 3 weeks.
I have been to a lot of weddings and in my experience, it’s totally fine to say ‘no kids’ for a wedding, but everyone allows you to bring ‘babes in arms’ i.e. little babies who don’t cost anything as they’re still on milk and don’t require a seat.
However my sister and her fiancé are planning on allowing me to bring my 2 kids, but saying to others that no kids (including babies) can come. Obviously a lot of people are very happy to leave their babies or kids with grandparents, so for many it won’t be an issue. But I just feel that obligating parents to choose between having to leave their baby or being part of a social event, is really unfair and quite an outdated stance to have on it. In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them. To be clear, I’m talking about babies who are still being milk fed and who don’t take up a seat at a table etc.
What do people think?

OP posts:

EventuallyDeleted · 15/02/2021 19:24

I think it's fine too, no one has to accept a wedding invitation.

AngelDelightUK · 15/02/2021 19:26

I absolutely agree with no children or babies at weddings. I’ve been to enough which has been spoilt by an unruly child, or speeches unheard due to a screaming baby.

There were no children or babies at my wedding, and if I was invited to one while DD is still little but was no little ones, I’d either go and enjoy it or not go and enjoy DD.

Personally I think weddings without children are a lot more enjoyable, and you don’t get little fingers in the buffet!!

Muskox · 15/02/2021 19:26

I agree with you OP. I've been to a wedding when we weren't allowed to bring our 3-month baby, and it was a massive PITA - my mum looked after her (not a local wedding, so she very kindly spent the day in our hotel room with DD) and I had to keep leaving the wedding to breastfeed. Very close friends, so we really didn't want to decline the invite (and I know they would have been disappointed if we had).

Of course it is the bride and groom's choice, but it is quite inconsiderate IMO.

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HermioneWeasley · 15/02/2021 19:27

Children completely change the energy at a wedding, and unless it’s Uber child friendly, then it’s a pain in the arse having young kids with you.

Greenmarmalade · 15/02/2021 19:27

I hate the attitude of expecting friends and relatives, who you supposedly care about enough to invite to your wedding, to have to decline the invitation or struggle a lot to deal with babysitting (and all that entails: expressing milk, pumping on the day, bottle training, etc.) so they can attend.

I missed at least 10 weddings because of this, and my husband got to go to all of them.

Greenmarmalade · 15/02/2021 19:28

I hate the idea that weddings are an adult event- I prefer the family wedding style I have seen in other cultures.

Babymamaroon · 15/02/2021 19:32

My view is no matter what the event is, if you're the one paying and organising, you get to call the shots.

No one is forcing a guest to come. It's only an invitation and declining is perfectly acceptable.

Isababybel · 15/02/2021 19:35

Nope,their wedding their choice.

Verashat · 15/02/2021 19:37

It’s quite a recent thing and it gives me a decent excuse not to attend.

Nicolastuffedone · 15/02/2021 19:38

I had a child free wedding. I didn’t want crying babies and kids running and sliding across the dance floor. Why should only mums be accommodated?

MrsAvocet · 15/02/2021 19:39

I think it's entirely the couple's choice, and as long as they understand that some people will decline the invitation as a result there shouldn't be a problem.
I have however, encountered a few couples who have had child free weddings and then taken huge offence when some people don't want to come. You can't have it both ways. If you invite parents to a child free event you have to accept that whilst some will be happy with that, some will not be able to make child care arrangements and some simply will not want to. All view points perfectly valid.

Greenmarmalade · 15/02/2021 19:39

It’s such a shame though, if you have your babies before all your friends get married, you miss out on such a lot. There’s a few years when everyone seems to get hitched, and then wedding season is over.

ivfbeenbusy · 15/02/2021 19:39

In this day & age I think Mums should be supported and accommodated in taking their babies with them. To be clear, I’m talking about babies who are still being milk fed and who don’t take up a seat at a table etc.

It's not about taking up space. 🤷‍♀️ It's about having a potentially whiny crying baby disrupting the day. Bringing a baby means more than likely the parents focus/attention will be 99% elsewhere and Not on the actual wedding plus more than likely you'd be ducking out early to take the baby home

Greenmarmalade · 15/02/2021 19:40

I had a child free wedding. I didn’t want crying babies and kids running and sliding across the dance floor.*

I love this stuff! I think it’s what makes a wedding. I respect that others may disagree!

grafittiartist · 15/02/2021 19:42

I find it a bit sad to be honest.
The kids in my family are just as important than the adults (and more fun!).
But- it's personal choice, and made tricky by costs probably.

Verashat · 15/02/2021 19:44

@Greenmarmalade

Agree but that’s life and they probably (maybe) regret it after. We have not attended a few weddings because of this, it’s hard for some to realise that not everyone has childcare on tap.

No hard feelings for us but I wasn’t going to hire a nanny to attend a wedding in a three star Best Western.

Fridget · 15/02/2021 19:45

@Greenmarmalade

I can understand that- if all the weddings happen in your years of young kids that must be really annoying! But the other side of the coin is if you get married before all your friends have kids, then you probably get a child free wedding (or at least a wedding with only a few children) by default. If you get married when all your friends have kids you either have to make it into a children’s party or be made to feel like a bitch by not inviting children. This latter aspect really spoilt the whole getting married thing for me to be honest.

MessAllOver · 15/02/2021 19:46

It's entirely reasonable to have a no babies policy. It's very unreasonable to then be upset if people can't come.

birdglasspen · 15/02/2021 19:47

I agree they should be allowed to come, any decent parent would surely leave the vows/speeches if their baby was distressed. Or be prepared that some will decline invitation as they won't leave a young baby for that long.

C152 · 15/02/2021 19:49

I think YABU, OP. The wedding is for the couple, not the guests. If the couple getting married decide not to have children (including babies) at their wedding, it's entirely up to them. I don't see it as the couple deliberately making a parent choose between going to a wedding and farming out the care of their child; they've simply thought about what would make the day the best for them.

GranaryBread47 · 15/02/2021 19:49

DH and I didn't want kids at our wedding but ended up having our ceremony interrupted by a child running up and down the aisle screaming while their parents giggled. Said child also threw orange juice at me while we walked back down the aisle. We'd have rather not had our then friend with us than have that happen.

We have 4 kids now so don't come at me saying i'm a child hater!

LouNatics · 15/02/2021 19:49

I’ve never been to an adults only wedding.
In fact my child was once invited to a wedding that I wasn’t.
And I’ve also been to lots of weddings I wasn’t invited to. Some as a child.

I would think a no children rule odd. I would think the same thing about any of the public celebration or ceremonies, eg weddings christenings funerals. You can’t really control who comes on the day can you?

Peanutbutterblood · 15/02/2021 19:50

I'm a huge breast feeding advocate. At my wedding room was quite tight and there wasnt much space for pushchairs and car seats. I invited 5 breastfeeding guests (babies ranging from 3m to 2) but didnt invite their babies. Only 1 came which I fully understood and theres no ill feeling at all.

I've also missed social events when breastfeeding, I really dont see the problem with missing the odd occasion, my child is more important and I'd be happier at home with them. With my second I told my friends I wouldnt be heading for any nights out at all for atleast a year and they were all cool with that, still did plenty I could attend with baby in tow

Fridget · 15/02/2021 19:50

I just feel that obligating parents to choose between having to leave their baby or being part of a social event, is really unfair

My take is it is unfair to expect a Bride and Groom for whom the wedding is a major life event to risk their wedding being affected red by babies if this isn’t what they want. Remember the day is not as important to the guests as it is to the couple. If a guest can’t go due to childcare, that’s a shame for that guest but nothing like as big a deal as if the wedding ceremony is ruined by a fractious baby.

Also plenty of people can’t get childcare for older children - is it not a shame for those parents to have to choose between leaving a child and attending an event? I understand that it’s often harder to leave a baby but plenty of people have no childcare at all and even if they do, often older children can’t be left overnight.

katy1213 · 15/02/2021 19:51

Their wedding, their choice - not everything revolves around mums and their babies.

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