Woke up and there was no milk. I lost the plot.

[steppemum]

Just that really.
Bit of a last straw moment.

Ds is 18, his gf is also living here during lockdown, they tend to come downstairs at 2 am and have meals.
Last night they had cereal, and used up all the milk.
Shopping arrived this morning at 10 am, so we just needed enough milk for my morning tea. I get up at 6:30. He usually surfaces at 10-11 am.

I was furious. I acknowledge unreasonably so. So at 8am I went up and told him to get up and go to the shop and buy milk. I might have shouted. He said no, calm down mum, it's only milk, which obviously made it much better
dd2 then got up and went ot the shop for milk, in order to restore calm!

not sure why I am posting really, just fed up of holding it all together, and the bloody selfishness of teenagers.

yes they do help around the house etc etc. as does dh.

Just -
lockdown
home schooling
no head space
no me time
no coffee with friends
bloody meals, just bloody meals and shopping, x 6 x 3 times a day (and I don't do all the cooking and they get their own breakfast etc, but still somehow it is such a production line)

rant over, thanks for listening.

I need my tea with milk first thing so totally sympathise.
As a side note though, have you ever considered getting a milk delivery. My milk arrives on doorstep by 5am

Good idea, the ice cube tray with milk!
I feel your pain, OP. The first cuppa of the day is the best one. You were absolutely right to wake him up.

And the 'calm down' would have sent me into orbit!

they tend to come downstairs at 2 am and have meals.

I get that having a live-in girlfriend may well be a compromise families have to make, but now way in hell should you be putting up with people ratting round the house and making meals at 2am.

Why are they doing that? Have you asked them not to? It's very weird and may not go down particularly well when living in communal accommodation with their peers in a year or two tbh.

On the surface shouting about your son using the last of the milk seems stupid and petty but it's obviously actually not that it's a build up of things, you seem at your wits end and that's just tipped you over. We all act irrational at times because we are human and we have emotions, we can only handle so much stress and when everything gets to much its usually the silliest thing that we end up kicking off about 😂. He is a typical teenager who probably needs a kick up the bum and hopefully this morning has made him realise that mum has had enough in general and hopefully start thinking out side the box a little more. It's lockdown it's putting a lot of pressure on mums all over the country it's driving us mad haha

@Raindough

I think it was mean of you to let your daughter go to the shop for milk when you had a delivery en route - it wasn’t her fault.

It was mean of her brother to let her go, you mean!

Yanbu. That is all.

Yanbu. At all.

I would have gone ape.

I’d definitely be doing some loud cleaning and banging about super early in the mornings from now on.

@Dyrne

Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely batshit?

The girlfriend contributes towards food bills. Why does your desire to have milk trump hers?

And you honestly sent someone out during a global pandemic for a completely non essential item that would have been replaced in 2 hours’ time anyway?

Yes, you are HTH

@KaleJuicer

I’m still stuck on the fact your DS is doing A levels and has a live in gf and regularly eats at 2am. I appreciate that’s not the point! I would be devastated with no milk and lovely that your dd got it for you. Lots of good milk-hiding ideas here.

he has never gone to bed, well not since he hit puberty.

Since he was about 14, we have massively battled bedtime. That obviously means we battle mornings too. (and he does need the sleep, he isn't one of those who only need 5 hours sleep)

he is rarely, if ever, asleep before 1 am, more commonly 2-3 am. When school is on, he has to get up at 7:30 and he manages it, but struggles. He cannot see that he needs to get into the habit of earlier bed, his response is that he needs to sleep in.
In the last year, as he hit 18, we basically said that it is up to him if he goes to bed late, but our expectation is up and out for school without fail.
Lockdown is the worst thing for him, as he doesn't have enough pressure to get up. The deal with gf staying here is that he has to be at every lesson. He has live online lessons, so if he has a 9 am lesson, he is at it. If he misses we get an email form school. He is keeping up and is on top of work.

gf is a lockdown compromise (since Jan). She will move back home at end of lockdown. Before the Jan lockdown, they were going back and forth between their houses breaking the rules all the time. This is more contained.

as to 2 am food. Toast, cereal, noodles, sometimes a cheap pizza from the feezer. He is 6'3" and works out and is very fit and is like a bottomless pit of food.

That would have tipped me right over the edge, too!!

@steppemum that is an explanation as to why your son was up. But why was his girlfriend up at 2am too?

There are some quite poor boundaries here that aren't going to serve either of them well as they move out/get jobs etc.

I'm laughing but cheering you on op. You sound generally very lenient and easy going, but it does teens absolutely no harm at all to have a sharp reality check once in a while, to help them remember that the world does not revolve around them.

When I was without a fridge for a while but had a freezer, I would make milk ice cubes then fill a thermos flask with milk and add some of the ice cubes. Kept fresh for days (adding more ice cubes) even though it was summer.

Lock on the fridge? Only you have the key / combination?

If they act irresponsibly and can't behave like mature adults who think of others, then treat them that way.

Sounds like he’s generally a decent teenager and will learn from this! Have a glass of wine and laugh about it this evening OP. Good for your DD!

Before you go to bed tonight, get a box of some sort and put all the milk in it - outside the back door. It'll be colder than the fridge out there so won't spoil.

When he complains in the morning that there wasn't any at 2.00am, tell him to calm down, it's only milk.

(Petty, but satisfying!)

@SweetPetrichor

If the shopping was coming at 10am, I'm with your son on this one...how hard is it to wait a little bit for your milk. I like my cup of tea in the morning, but I can't say I'd lose the plot if I had to have it without milk or wait a few hours for the shopping to arrive...if I was that dependent on my morning tea I'd be slightly concerned!

yes i am that dependant on a morning cup of tea.

But also, my day usually starts at 6. At the moment it starts at 6:45.
That means I have been up and doing stuff for 3 hours beofre the shopping arrives. That's half a day!

Half a day ! with no tea!

we obviously live on different planets

Keep a pint of milk in the freezer. They probably won't look for it there/be arsed to defrost it if they do find it.

he s thoughtless - it wouldn't have hurt for him to think - Mum has tea first thing so leave enough for that otherwise fair game. But yes - to finish it off and leave none for anyone else when there are other things to eat in the house but too lazy to sort for themselves.

It may only be milk but it seems it is symptomatic of his lace of thought and consideration for others - I would be telling him he needs to do something nice for his sister to make up for his utter thoughtlessness.

Little shit

I have a tin of dried milk stashed away for emergencies. It never goes off, and is ok in coffee. Not the point but milk seems to be one of those things constantly running out.

It’s not the milk though really. It’s the lack of consideration.

If the situation was reversed, which in the last 18 years it probably has been, you’d think ‘oh I can’t finish off the milk as DS will need some for his cereal in the morning’.
It’s that they have finished the milk without thinking if anyone else will need it.
It could have been anything, last of the cereal, last of the coffee, hot chocolate etc.
It’s that they got to have exactly what they want without any thought to anyone else.

Have you seen the program Mum? It’s about almost this exact situation.

@Dyrne

Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely batshit?

The girlfriend contributes towards food bills. Why does your desire to have milk trump hers?

And you honestly sent someone out during a global pandemic for a completely non essential item that would have been replaced in 2 hours’ time anyway?

Yes, you are. Here, have a .

It's rude to use up the last of something and not replace it.

@Dyrne

Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely batshit?

The girlfriend contributes towards food bills. Why does your desire to have milk trump hers?

And you honestly sent someone out during a global pandemic for a completely non essential item that would have been replaced in 2 hours’ time anyway?

You see, this is what those (ex) friends o mine said. And my response to this is 2 fold:

1. We all have our lines that we just can't cross and for harmonious relationships, we ask that we are indulged in these little things.

1. My morning tea is an absolute essential to me. Cereal at 2 am is not an essential for most people. However, I was always more than willing to concede that if, for example, a specific thing IS an essential for said flatmate, then I would, of course accommodate accordingly. eg if cereal was the ONLY breakfast they liked, I would be quite happy to agree that there must always be sufficient milk n the house in the morning for both tea and cereal.

I 100% would have freaked out too!!

He sounds like a normal teenager. Hopefully you having a go at him will make him think more about what he is doing in future.