If you could re-live your life knowing what you know now, would you have still had children?

[chuckb4ss]

And is there anything else significant you would have changed?

I hope the people saying no never reveal that to their children. My mother wishes she hadn't had me, and whilst she is entitled to her feelings obviously, I really wish I didn't know.

Honestly, I don't know. For myself I absolutely would - they saved both my life and sanity, and atm they're the only reason I get out of bed.

But it's a very selfish act, bringing new life into this awful world.

No. I don't regret my actual children as such, I love the bones of them. But life is too hard and too limited. And I haven't been a great parent to them either. One has ASD and the last few years have been hell fighting for what she needs and adapting our whole lives around that.

I definitely wouldn't ahve had them with stbxh, as now I've screwed them up further by us getting divorced.

I love them, but I don't enjoy being a parent. I wish I could travel, have a better career, be free.

@mistermagpie that wasn't the question though. I don't wish I hadn't had my children- I love them. But hypothetically if I could have known exactly what having children is like, the exhaustion, the grudge work, the boredom, the stress, then I would choose differently.

Yes but if you'd asked me when they were younger or while I was with my exh the answer may have been different. I don't even regret having them with my exh, despite him being a colossal arse, as they wouldn't be who they are now. I should have kicked him out instead of leaving.

@MotherForker no, you're right. It just touches a nerve for me I suppose.

And don't get me wrong, I know how much hard work it is, I have three children aged 5 and under.

For the people who felt their lives has no "meaning" before children, how do you square that with the idea that your children will likely feel the same in regards to the lack of inherent meaning in their own lives?

I get the sentiment, but doesn't it feel like you're sort of passing the buck?

I'm not trying to criticise or anything, I'm genuinely curious about how people reconcile this.

@mistermagpie

I hope the people saying no never reveal that to their children. My mother wishes she hadn't had me, and whilst she is entitled to her feelings obviously, I really wish I didn't know.

BIG difference between wishing the children you actually have didn't exist and answering whether you'd have children this time round if given the chance to do life over again.

I find this tricky to answer. I had very strong broody feelings and those went away after i got 2 children to school age but presumably it wouldnt have gone without having the children so i would have found that hard to live with. I love my children a lot and wouldnt be without them but if i had never had them i couldnt miss them? But i must admit things like the environment, pandemics and just generalised suffering make me feel like it was a very selfish decision to have them. I hope they have good lives.

Yes. But I was lucky enough to choose a great dad for them, and get pregnant very quickly and have them at the ages I did with the age gap I wanted.

For the people who felt their lives has no "meaning" before children, how do you square that with the idea that your children will likely feel the same in regards to the lack of inherent meaning in their own lives? I get the sentiment, but doesn't it feel like you're sort of passing the buck?

Yes I suppose it is passing the buck - but such is life? I didn't purposely task them with giving meaning to my life it just panned out that way, so there's not much to be done about it now! Hopefully they won't be as prone to navel gazing as I was and will find meaning in whatever path they choose.

I would have had one earlier and had two instead of 1

@DedlyMedally

For the people who felt their lives has no "meaning" before children, how do you square that with the idea that your children will likely feel the same in regards to the lack of inherent meaning in their own lives?

I get the sentiment, but doesn't it feel like you're sort of passing the buck?

I'm not trying to criticise or anything, I'm genuinely curious about how people reconcile this.

I think you’re just overthinking way too much!

God yes. Maybe even a couple more than I had. I couldn't think of anything better than being a mum. I love it. I was meant for it. And I'm not even one of those people who do everything for my kids. I've loved raising independent wee things who come to me because they want me, not need me. I cannot wait to see the adults they will become.

I honestly don’t know.

I love my DC of course and I think life could have been very samey without them. And long term once they are grown I hope for a life where we all get on and seeing them and maybe their DC will enrich our lives and we theirs.

On the other hand it’s been immensely hard work. I’ve spent most of their lives exhausted (bad sleep, SN causing behaviour issues) and due to this and DH hours have ended up as SAHM with little life of my own. So I have gained my DC but lost so much else as a result.

I don’t regret it but as a PP says in my next life I’m not having any and I’ll do all the things I missed out on.

If anyone I knew was on the fence about having DC I certainly wouldn’t push them in that direction.

No !

No. If I knew what I knew about having a child and life with a child in would not have had one.

Yes but I would tell myself not to feel guilty over every little thing or worry worry much. I'd also spend time on myself so I wouldn't have as bad pnd or lose my identity.

Yes I would. I don't find motherhood that easy, and it's taken over my life in a way I find difficult but I think life is for living and I wanted to experience everything from travel to living alone to being single to marriage to motherhood and I have.

I possibly still would have had children but I would have really lived my life and sorted my career first, if it didn't happen after that then fine. Living an existence scraping to get by as a single mum with two naff jobs and not a lot of time is not what I would have opted for. Having children is rewarding but also extremely difficult and often feels relentless.

Definitely. I might have done things a bit differently but ultimately, yes

Definitely, my children are my everything, sounds cliche but I don’t care. I would love to wish away my bitch of a mother in law though

Absolutely. They enrich my life and bring me so much joy. I had them slightly later in life, 32 and 35 when they were born, in some ways I wish I'd had them earlier. They are now 14 and 11 and if I could i'd rewind and do it all again.

Yes. The one thing in life I don't regret is my children.

Yes but I'd had all four by the time I was 23 so I had my life back by the time I was mid 30s. They are all my best friends. Wouldn't be without them!