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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
LittleLemonTree · 08/02/2021 00:22

[quote disconnecteddrifter]@Picoloangel thank you. I was just thinking hormones made me care what people thought then I was going to ask if there was anyone who had a baby in their 40s who were ten years plus on. I'm really fit and never get ill, run half marathons etc. Just need to keep in mind that nothing is predictable. My mum died in her50s and my aunt is in her 90s still goes for five mile daily walks. It's not just the chronological age that matters.[/quote]
Me! My daughter, born when I was 44, turns 10 tomorrow! She's my fourth child. It's been a fantastic 10 years, don't feel old at all. I'm raising 4 sporty kids, I work full time and I'm very active. I think age is a state of mind. You will be absolutely fine!

YerAWizardHarry · 08/02/2021 00:24

No. I have a 8 and 5 year old currently. My eldest will be 25 (and younger 22) by then no way I'd be starting again

fartypantsmummy · 08/02/2021 08:33

late 40s here and yes, I'd be delighted if it happened again but it def won't now

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LST · 08/02/2021 11:37

@LynnShelley I would pause for thought. But I would still proceed.

PeapodBurgundy · 08/02/2021 12:12

To weigh in on the age gap issue. I chose to be a SAHP and have a small age gap, then return to the work force. Having a big age gap would mean either I'd be back out of the workforce for several years, or have to take a short maternity leave and place a baby into childcare. Both perfectly acceptable options, but not an ideal choice for me personally.

If I fell pregnant again, I wouldn't terminate, but I'd be worried sick, as I'm barely coping with the two I have at the moment. I'm making damned sure I don't fall pregnant again. It wouldn't be fair on anyone.

(Disclaimer, I love both of my children dearly, but DS has SEN, the extent of which only became apparent after DD was born. I'm spread thin enough trying to meet their needs).

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 08/02/2021 12:54

The thing is people don't realise is it of sn can't be picked up by blood tests and scans . I had every thing under the sun at 37 and my son still has pretty severe sn .. you are taking a huge risk and one I wouldn't have taken at 37 had I realised but never in my 40's .. Your eggs are 44 years old !

LindaCartersBun · 08/02/2021 13:03

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

The thing is people don't realise is it of sn can't be picked up by blood tests and scans . I had every thing under the sun at 37 and my son still has pretty severe sn .. you are taking a huge risk and one I wouldn't have taken at 37 had I realised but never in my 40's .. Your eggs are 44 years old !
I would worry about this, and I think in the way only you truly can if you already have a child or children with disabilities.

There is no screening for autism, which one of my children has. The chances of having another child with autism would sky rocket in my mid-forties and knowing what I know about how incredibly hard it has been for my child and our family, I wouldn’t willingly take such a high risk. I worry enough now about what my child will do when I’m gone, and I had him at 28.

I’m not saying that to scaremonger any women who are expecting a baby in their forties (congratulations!). It’s more that once you have children with disabilities and know the realities, you have to think especially hard about ever doing it again and spreading yourself so thinly.

My Aunty had her fifth child at 46, a ‘menopause’ baby when her four older ones were teens and twenties. He has a severe form of autism and watching her caring fir him as an adult in her 60s and 70s has been tough. It’s her entire life, and of course she wouldn’t have it any other way, but it’s a huge, huge commitment.

rawalpindithelabrador · 08/02/2021 13:13

Exactly, Linda, but no one who has kids in their 40s has a child with autism on MN.

unmarkedbythat · 08/02/2021 13:24

@LynnShelley

If wombs had windows, it might make one pause for thought before having an abortion.
We have scans already.
Bythemillpond · 08/02/2021 13:43

Exactly, Linda, but no one who has kids in their 40s has a child with autism on MN

A mother in her 20s has a 1.5% chance of giving birth to a child with autism. At 40+ that rises to 1.58%

Hardly a massive increase

rawalpindithelabrador · 08/02/2021 13:45

@Bythemillpond

Exactly, Linda, but no one who has kids in their 40s has a child with autism on MN

A mother in her 20s has a 1.5% chance of giving birth to a child with autism. At 40+ that rises to 1.58%

Hardly a massive increase

There's increasing evidence the age of the father is a factor as well. Autism cannot be screened for.

Your eggs are your chronological age no matter how many marathons you run.

SparkyBlue · 08/02/2021 13:48

I'd a surprise baby at almost 43. I wouldn't have thought it was unusual at all

mistermagpie · 08/02/2021 13:48

I'm 40 and my youngest child is just one, so I can't see it being hugely different.

But I wouldn't want it to happen.

PeapodBurgundy · 08/02/2021 13:58

There's also evidence to suggest ASD is hereditary, particularly in the male line, so these increases in odds can mount pretty quickly; there are many factors to consider

riotlady · 08/02/2021 13:59

No way, DD will be 19 by then, if i started all over again I’d be signing myself up for nearly 40 years straight of parenting. That’ll be my time to chill a little bit!

namesnamesnamesnames · 08/02/2021 14:01

Had my last in my late 30s and I think for me, that was my absolute limit. But everyone is different. It's hard work!

LimpLettice · 08/02/2021 14:02

Well, I had a surprise DC3 at almost 43, with a tween and an 18 month old, and frankly I don't think it's remotely an advanced age. My grandmothers generation had an awful lot of 'last minute' babies, including her. It was common, especially as women didn't fiddle about with their fertility in the same way. I'm sure some young mums think I'm virtually a pensioner, but really, no. I'd be horrified now but only because then I'd have 3 under 3!

We are now setting up finances to ensure all 3 have property deposits ASAP to help them get ahead which I could never have afforded earlier and hopefully will set them up well.

My screening showed very low risk rates in both pregnancies, and mentioning it to my midwife she just rolled her eyes. The increase is small, they see an awful lot of over 40's mums, and given how much is made of fertility dropping off a cliff, Mother Nature doesn't always agree.

@disconnecteddrifter I've suffered multiple loss, it can make pregnancy so hard. Don't add to it worrying about this tosh! I love my life, my babies are fab, I get plenty of sleep and mostly feel better than I did ten years ago! Congrats Smile

Emeraldshamrock · 08/02/2021 14:44

It depends on the person my friend is 43 pregnant on her 2nd.
She has a stable well paid career she is fit and healthy doesn't smoke or drink on the other end of the spectrum my neighbour is 43 smokes drinks and is overweight she is pregnant too.
Your not to old if your healthy and financially stable.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 08/02/2021 15:09

@LindaCartersBun that is my future and as much as I love my son I would want it to be different . You are giving up your entire life for them , it's utterly shit . I won't have a happy carefree retirement and sunny garden days reading for hours or long walks with my dh .. it's very sad and not something im looking forward to ! I know every pregnancy has its risks but this is an unnecessary one IMO !

beelzeboob · 08/02/2021 15:13

The thing to remember as well regarding older mums as that though the health risks for baby do go up, especially for Downs, but the statistics for Downs are still low for 40+ women eg, instead of 1/1500, it’s 1/100. Which means a 99% chance of not having Down’s syndrome

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 08/02/2021 15:14

But frankly Downs is the least of your worries .. it's easy to pick up very early on!

beelzeboob · 08/02/2021 15:27

True, maybe that wasn’t a good example

elliejjtiny · 08/02/2021 15:36

I don't know. Definitely wouldn't choose to get pregnant but not sure if I could hear to get rid either. My dc will be 20, 18, 15, 13 and 12 by then.

Avaganda · 08/02/2021 15:49

Not a chance. My children will be 21, 20 and 18 by the time I'm 44 and I'm quite looking forward to nice holidays and lie ins again!

nopuppiesallowed · 08/02/2021 16:06

The minute we realised we didn't want a surprise pregnancy 'we' (well, one of us!) hightailed it to the hospital to make absolutely certain it didn't happen. Apart from complete abstinence it's the only answer to an unwanted pregnancy I can think of. Perhaps that's not the answer for everyone, but it stops all the worrying for good!