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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Notusuallydown · 07/02/2021 15:21

I became pregnant in my mid forties and was ecstatic, sadly I miscarried. I console myself that, we couldn't afford to have another baby, and I probably couldn't have coped with another DC. Seeing mums with prams made me sad for quite a while.

IsitSummeryet21 · 07/02/2021 15:31

I'd say no but if it happened I don't jnownjow I'd feel. I'm late 30s and have a 1 year old and I'm drained and depressed. I have other kids but age is definitely a factor!
DH would love another thought

Sparechange · 07/02/2021 16:08

The variable is there are 44 year olds and 44 year olds

At 45, DH can still run a sub 3:30 marathon, he runs a company that requires working long hours and loves nothing more than a big party

I’m a few years behind but a bad week at work is far more stressful than anything a newborn could throw at me

On the other hand, my cousin and his wife are early 40s and may as well be 70
They have the sort of attitude that if you suggest they dance at a family wedding, they say ‘ooooh not at our age’

If I got pregnant at 44, my only concern would be genetic conditions. If I had a clear Harmony test, I would be absolutely delighted

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Wtfdidwedo · 07/02/2021 16:14

My children will be at university and older when I'm mid 40s so there's no way I would consider any more children. But I'm in my 30s now and wouldn't want any more. Menopause seems to hit in early 40s for my family anyway so it's probably unlikely anyway.

Picoloangel · 07/02/2021 17:43

Disconnecteddrifter

Please don’t feel like this. I posted earlier and was like you - someone who had had multiple miscarriages and pregnant at 44/45. My DD is now 10.
I sailed through my pregnancy with v low blood pressure. I was (and am) v fit and healthy and there is no discernible difference between my life and that of my friends who are Mums in their 30s and 40s.
There are many 40 something pregnant women who are fit and healthy and many 20 somethings who are unfit and unhealthy! It depends on the person; my DD has been nothing but a gift and keeps me and DP young. You’ll be fine. Congratulations 🥳

disconnecteddrifter · 07/02/2021 18:09

@Picoloangel thank you. I was just thinking hormones made me care what people thought then I was going to ask if there was anyone who had a baby in their 40s who were ten years plus on. I'm really fit and never get ill, run half marathons etc. Just need to keep in mind that nothing is predictable. My mum died in her50s and my aunt is in her 90s still goes for five mile daily walks. It's not just the chronological age that matters.

mussymummy · 07/02/2021 18:22

How the fuck is 44 an advanced age? It's hardly Zimmer frame material and yes, if I was blessed enough to fall pregnant at 44 (my current age) I would be delighted

Carouselfish · 07/02/2021 18:24

I'm 40 and barely keeping up with a newborn. That said, I'd assume it was meant to be and get on with it. Christ knows how I'd give birth though as I've tried both ways and hated both. 😭

rawalpindithelabrador · 07/02/2021 18:26

@mussymummy

How the fuck is 44 an advanced age? It's hardly Zimmer frame material and yes, if I was blessed enough to fall pregnant at 44 (my current age) I would be delighted
Because no matter how fit and healthy you are, your eggs are 44-years-old. It's a scientific fact that eggs released at that age are more prone to have abnormalities, which is why, for example, IVF clinics won't use a woman's own eggs at that age or that there are some abnormalities correlated with age.
LST · 07/02/2021 18:35

No definitely wouldn't go ahead. I am 30 with a 7 and 9 year old and wouldn't keep a baby of I found out I was pregnant now let alone in 14 more years. I do have quite bad mobility issues, so I know I wouldn't cope.

ImAllOut · 07/02/2021 18:36

@mussymummy

How the fuck is 44 an advanced age? It's hardly Zimmer frame material and yes, if I was blessed enough to fall pregnant at 44 (my current age) I would be delighted
Pregnancies over 35 are classed as geriatric, although the term isn't used now I don't think!
Picoloangel · 07/02/2021 18:39

Disconnecteddrifter

I am still v fit - walk and cycle everywhere and work out 4-5 times a week. I did all my partying in my 20s and 30s and was ready for nights in and family holidays,

It’s easy to judge when motherhood is straightforward and happens easily at a more predictable age but life isn’t predictable for all of us, I have a v v strong sense that DD is the one I was meant to have. Honestly, don’t worry. All any if us can do is to live healthy lives for our kids and hope for the best, I’m sorry that you lost your Mum,
As I said earlier, I’d rather be peri/menopausal with a toddler than a stroppy teenager!

ChalkDinosaur · 07/02/2021 18:41

Personally, no. Not because of the age itself but because by the time I'm 44 I'll have a 13 year old and a 9 year old and I'm sure I'm finished. But I don't think there's anything wrong with continuing with the pregnancy either.

PortalooSunset · 07/02/2021 18:51

I am 44 and I'd sue our surgery! I'm on HRT for early menopause and they did dh's snip about 5 years ago 😂

In the unlikely event it happened I'm really not sure. I've always said I wouldn't have an abortion (no objection to anyone else having one and absolutely support the right to choose) but I think I'd have to reconsider that. Absolutely wouldn't want another baby. Last successful pregnancy was pretty easy as it goes so if I knew I could carry to term I'd maybe consider it for someone who really wanted a baby, but think then I'd struggle to cope with giving away a baby that was a full genetic sibling to my existing dc. Having said that my last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage that nearly killed me so I think on balance I'd go for the abortion.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 07/02/2021 19:20

Not a chance , I have a son with sn and wouldn't risk it at 44!

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 07/02/2021 20:33

Tough call. I don't think 44 in and of itself is too late to have children. A lot of women have children in their 40s. I've just turned 35 and I have an 11 year old and a 7 month old. I had hoped for a much smaller age gap but we had fertility issues and my youngest is an IVF baby. As my oldest is now pre teen and my youngest born when I was 34, I'be given a cut off in my head of between 38 and 40 as the oldest I would want to be having babies. 38 ideally, but since babies involve a lot of money and luck for us, that's a little negotiable. I personally don't want to be older than 40 as I'll have a 6 year old and a 17 year old then. At 44 I'd have a 21 and 10 year old and I wouldn't wantto go back to nappies then...having said that, I really think it depends if I feel like I'm "done" at 44.i suspect I will, even if we don't manage another sibling, but I can't tell for sure

FreddieMercurysCat · 07/02/2021 22:35

I’m 46 with a 19 year old and a 6 year old. I couldn’t start all over again with a baby. My DH definitely couldn’t. It’s hard enough as it is.

rawalpindithelabrador · 07/02/2021 22:38

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

Not a chance , I have a son with sn and wouldn't risk it at 44!
Doesn't seem to happen on MN. Everyone is 'fit and healthy' and runs marathons and has loads of healthy kids after 42.
Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 07/02/2021 22:39

I'm 44, want children, in a dead marriage and would be thrilled to be a Mum Sad

nopuppiesallowed · 07/02/2021 22:49

If wombs had windows, it might make one pause for thought before having an abortion.

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 07/02/2021 22:53

@LynnShelley I agree

rawalpindithelabrador · 07/02/2021 22:55

@LynnShelley

If wombs had windows, it might make one pause for thought before having an abortion.
Hmm
PortalooSunset · 07/02/2021 23:12

@LynnShelley

If wombs had windows, it might make one pause for thought before having an abortion.
Well as I stated, I'd already pause for thought. I doubt there are many women who have terminations that don't, either before or after. You sound pretty judgemental tbf.
Emeraldshamrock · 07/02/2021 23:15

I'd be torn and terrified.
I don't think I could go through with it based on my personal circumstances.
If money was plentiful then yes I probably would.

iammeiamme · 07/02/2021 23:23

My D.C. will be 12,16 & 24 when I'm 44 so no o definitely would not go ahead with another pregnancy at that stage.