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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 07/02/2021 10:33

I had a baby at 44. But it was my 6th DC and to be fair no difference than the first 5 as I always have issues... definitly was better prepared than I was with first DC. not sure I woood have wanted my first DC at 44 but circumstances that may be the only chance for some. Energy wise I am fine ( DC is still only baby) certainly don’t feel old as I was not the oldest in my Natal group !
If you want it go for it. If it happens as a surprise then it’s up to you to consider all options. I would embrace another but think now 6 is my final count.

Barney60 · 07/02/2021 10:54

Depends if its first baby, has the person been trying and desperate to be a mum? if so yes.
Is it a second relationship done for a new partner who has no children?
Lots of reasons rather than just yes or no.

CopperSelkie · 07/02/2021 10:55

@disconnecteddrifter

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful
Please don't, and very best of luck with your pregnancy! I hope everything goes smoothly for you. I posted earlier, I'm 44, I'm pregnant with my first and I've had previous mc. None of that means I'm less able, shouldn't have or don't deserve to have my baby and it makes me feel so angry and sad that anything or anyone has made you feel bad about having yours. So apologies, this is long because it's everything I felt but didn't type earlier and now reading how you've ended up feeling, wish I had. At the end of the day, nobody is suggesting that folk who get pregnant in late teens or 20s would be better to abort, that we should all only have children from ages 28-32, because it is a personal, individual choice - and personally for me, if I had been pregnant in my teens or 20s, even early 30s, I would have been less inclined to go through with it because I wouldn't have been anywhere ready to be a parent just because I was younger. I would have either been a struggling single mum with no support, or stuck in a relationship that would have probably ended because neither of us were ready for parenthood or settling down, as I've seen in the majority of my friends, people grow, people change. That's not how it goes for everyone, I don't think being a young parent or single mum is wrong, it just wouldn't have been right for me, and again, that's just my personal experience. Now, again personally, I'm wiser, more settled, more patient, calmer, have more resources and support, and am in a solid relationship with another adult who has also now done all their personal growth. I am ready now and I don't see this baby as a burden or something to get done and out of the way - I'm excited, I'm looking forward to everything, pluses and negatives. I'm looking forward to being exhausted and emotional and frustrated, probably for the rest of my life. I'm looking forward to sharing milestones and helping and watching my child grow and learn, again, I'm expecting, for the rest of my life. It's different for everyone, everyone deserves their chance if they want it. There's no cut off, it's different to each person in what they feel capable of.

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Families
Milomonster · 07/02/2021 10:58

I’m 44 with a 10 yo. I couldn’t go through it at this age, no.

Enko · 07/02/2021 10:59

At 44 absolutely. How at 51 i am less sure

Tessabelle74 · 07/02/2021 11:10

@disconnecteddrifter I had my 4th baby at 42, I sailed through pregnancy and didnt feel any more tired than I did with my 1st at 34. Don't feel awful, once your baby arrives, you'll realise there are many more "older" mothers out here than you noticed before, it's a bit like when you buy a new car, that's the only car you seem to see yet you can't recall seeing any before! Enjoy your pregnancy and don't let the odd negative comment take your joy away x

disconnecteddrifter · 07/02/2021 11:28

Thank you. I think I'm hormonal and a defence mechanism for me about if things go wrong is to see the negatives. Having a baby at any age is a massive life change but I do feel lucky as in I have no other needs. I have a career, large house and lots of experience and I dont consider my friends in their 60s as old. 43 is just five years older than 38 which would have been my ideal age for my third child.

mummumumumumumum · 07/02/2021 11:36

No I wouldn't.
I'm 38 and wouldn't continue any pregnancy now

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/02/2021 11:47

@disconnecteddrifter

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful
Oh lovely, please don't! Thanks I have a friend who was in the same boat as you - multiple miscarriages, finally had her one and only at 43. She's fine, he's fine and 12 now - she doesn't look as though she's heading towards her pension even at 55, she just looks like a mid-40s mum still.

I had my first at 40 because of only meeting DH at 35, and it being a long distance relationship for the first 3 years. Then had 3 MCs between DS1 and DS2, hence being pg with DS2 at 44 (was actually 45 when he was born). I also do not look as though I'm pushing pension age, despite being 53 now. When I look back at how my grans looked at this age, they LOOKED like grans - I don't! (No I'm not self-delusional - when I was telling some mums at school that I was coming up for a Big Birthday they first told me I didn't look 40, and then were somewhat open-mouthed when I told them no, it was the next one!)

I also think that I did better personally having my DC later, because I'd learnt a lot more patience. And as another thing, I think if you've had children earlier, they take a lot out of you, so it's no wonder it's daunting to contemplate it again later on - but if your first children are at this age, it's not as bad, honestly!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and just look forward to your lovely baby arriving x

Dodododahdahdah · 07/02/2021 12:00

Dunno. I’m 41 and I feel too old now. If I felt really healthy then probably but I feel a bit decrepit so I’d be so worried i had shitty eggs and something would go wrong.

Dodododahdahdah · 07/02/2021 12:01

I would’ve care what anyone else thought though. That would be the last of my worries.

Dodododahdahdah · 07/02/2021 12:06

Woman at my work had 4th baby at 43. No one cared? We all just said “are you mad!” And she laughed and said “must be” end of conversation.
I honestly would not give too much thought about what people say! The amount of time people spend thinking about others is minimal. We’re all too self obsessed with our own problems! Over 50 might be stretching it a bit but 44 is no biggie. It’s the new normal isn’t it? Contraception is man made. The Devine creator, whoever that may be, has allowed you to procreate at 44 so what’s the problem? Must be natural.

Dodododahdahdah · 07/02/2021 12:09

disconnecteddrifter Ah that’s terrible! Got off this thread and celebrate!

Congratulations 🎉 Every baby is a blessing. Honestly, put the phone down for the day and be happy x

drkpl · 07/02/2021 12:11

This topic is so subjective. For some having a baby at 44 would be a blessing, while others would cry over it. It completely depends on the personality and circumstances. There is no right or wrong. I had my ds when I was 21 so having a baby at 44 wouldn’t be my preferred option because I’d be on mother duty for my whole adult life!

MustardMitt · 07/02/2021 12:48

I’m 38, by the time I’m 44 my twins will be 20 and my younger son 18. I’m not sure I’d want to do the baby/toddler time again - I don’t want to now tbh.

Having said that, I’ve never found myself with an unexpected pregnancy so I don’t know how I might react. I would hope my financial situation would be much better, but who knows?

One thing I would say is that husband has had a vasectomy so would be very unexpected!

MustardMitt · 07/02/2021 12:51

Woman at my work had 4th baby at 43. No one cared? We all just said “are you mad!” And she laughed and said “must be” end of conversation

People said the same to be when I got pregnant with my third after twins @Dodododahdahdah

Just to say, I don’t think this is a judgement at all. My sister is only just pregnant with her first - she’s 36. I was 26 when I had my first. It’s just the way life has fallen for us both.

Tehmina23 · 07/02/2021 13:04

I'm 44... if I got pregnant I'd have to have an abortion as I take medication that would damage the foetus.. it would be awful.

In a perfect world I'd be overjoyed as I'd love a baby,. But I've got serious MH illness.

Saz888 · 07/02/2021 13:07

Yes, I actually had my planned first baby at 44. We had been trying for years and our DS came into our lives when we were in our late 40's. A treasure whatever age you are.

OldEvilOwl · 07/02/2021 13:19

No I'm 44 and have a 15year old and a 10year old. I'm done

TableFlowerss · 07/02/2021 13:31

@disconnecteddrifter

Congratulations 🎉 take no notice of folk. I was 27 when I had my first and 30/31 (can’t remember 😳) when I had my second.

So all of these women who had their babies between the ages of 35-40 that have the cheek to say ‘ooh no 39 was my cut off blaaa blaaa 44 is too old’ wouldn’t like it if I said ‘ohhh late 30’s that’s too old to have babies’

Good luck to you and take no heed of people!! Enjoy being a mum xx

SomethingOnce · 07/02/2021 13:39

@disconnecteddrifter, it’s a gift, enjoy every last second.

I’m loving doing it all again. The endless nappies, the broken nights, the leaky boobs, the dribble, the gummy smiles, the dimpled knuckles, chubby little legs Smile Almost makes me want another one...

amylou8 · 07/02/2021 13:48

I am 44. I have 3 age 18-22. I'm just beginning to get my life and independence back (well I was until covid) and would be devastated if I got pregnant now. With a tremendous amount of guilt I am pretty sure I wouldn't have it.

TalesTheCat · 07/02/2021 14:45

At 42 I have a 21 Yr old and a 17 year old. I wouldn't want to be pregnant now so I got sterilised. If I got pregnant against the odds and it wasn't ectopic I think I would keep it tho as it was obv meant to be.

TalesTheCat · 07/02/2021 14:48

Also, as it would be my 3rd c section I would ask them to remove my tubes at the same time so it never happened again.

Groundhogday21 · 07/02/2021 14:48

Personally no, but I’m mid 30s with a newborn and started having kids mid 20s so my 40s will be mine! If I hadn’t had any children at that point then I probably would, people have babies in late 30s/early 40s all the time, I just wouldn’t want to start all over again Smile