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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Sherberr · 06/02/2021 23:26

God no. I think it would be un fair to inflict a peri menopausal women on a child!

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 06/02/2021 23:28

Not a chance. My cat wakes me in the middle of the night regularly I can't even cope with that!!

Motherdare · 07/02/2021 00:46

Geri Halliwell had her son at 44. I just read that in a random article about her and thought I’d drop it in here.

She can probably afford plenty of behind-the-scenes help of course.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Shmithecat2 · 07/02/2021 01:01

I'd be quite happy not so sure about DH though... I didn't have ds til I was 40. Pregnancy was fine, so was delivery. I'm 46 this year and would still be happy to have another.

Parrotsandpussies · 07/02/2021 02:25

I had 2 children in my 20s then a string of miscarriages and an ectopic, then a baby in my late 30s. I spent most of my 40s hoping for another baby. Not trying, but not trying not to. I'd have loved a baby at 44. I've only just gone through the menopause in my mid 50s and have just about realised that I wont be having any more! Happy to be becoming a Gran soon though!

LittleLemonTree · 07/02/2021 03:41

Yes! I did and she’s wonderful. She’s our fourth and was very much wanted. I’ve never felt tired or old, in fact she keeps me young.

ExitChasedByABear · 07/02/2021 04:48

I don’t see 44 as too old at all, even when I was in my 20s, I had friends of different ages and I never saw 40 year old friends as really old. They were certainly older fans me but I didn’t think they were old per se.

Everyone has different circumstances. And not everyone falls pregnant at the drop of a hat or finds the right person to settle down with. I’m now 30 but I’ve been with my DP when I was 21, we only recently decided to actively try to have kids but weren’t against having kids earlier on, a spate of miscarriages so sadly it wasn’t meant to be but I didn’t like doctors dismissing me and not giving me any help because I was “young” and now I feel badly let down by doctors and I wish I was more assertive back then. I hear/read those subtle snide comments from people and that makes me feel sad, I don’t understand this weird competitive nature or this race to tear people down.

I agree that you’re only as young/old as you feel. And to those who think a 44 year old is “perimenopausal”, I respectfully disagree. My Mum is now in her early 50s and she still hasn’t hit menopause. My nan hit menopause in her 60s. Some people hit menopause earlier than others so we shouldn’t try to shame a 44 year old for even considering motherhood.

Scarybex · 07/02/2021 07:26

Yes, I did. Baby is perfect and currently nursing on my lap. Some things are slightly harder this time around but I had given up hoping for a sibling for my 7yr old, after an early loss and many years of trying and I conceived out of the blue. Couldn’t be happier!

Scarybex · 07/02/2021 07:51

40+ sounds old when you are a younger woman, you think by then you will feel old and past it, you get to 40+ and realise there is no big change of body or mind at all, barring wisdom and slight intolerance of 20 something year olds. Everything is relative.

problembottom · 07/02/2021 08:06

My mum had three kids in her 20s then me at 42. I was planned and it was fine! I’m pushing 40 now and she’s still fighting fit.

mrlissa · 07/02/2021 08:10

Yes i would lots older ladies having babies later in life go for it please

Lennie16 · 07/02/2021 08:23

The thought of having to care for young children in my 50’s Is definitely not appealing and sounds absolutely exhausting- having lost my own mother when she was in her fifties I’m grateful I was an adult by then, my husband hated that his mother was older, embarrassed at school and when she died he felt she missed so much of his life, so no I definitely wouldn’t

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 07/02/2021 08:26

Nope

Topsy44 · 07/02/2021 08:45

I had my DD at 40. Pregnancy fine and she is now a healthy lively almost 9 year old.

For me, it would depend on a good support system. If you had ideally family living nearby that were happy to help out then it would be a definite yes from me but if not then I wouldn't be considering it.

CaffineismyBFF · 07/02/2021 09:00

I know a girl who's mum has her in her late 40s and she was referred to (by siblings and friends) as the night of passion / oops baby! Her older siblings are close to her now but she always felt she didn't have anything in common with them growing up and it was actually more like being an only child at times (she says). Maybe it is easier if the age gap is smaller or its a first baby situation.

disconnecteddrifter · 07/02/2021 09:06

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful

Hathertonhariden · 07/02/2021 09:09

My dd (born when I was 44) will have finished uni before I qualify for the state pension. To me, that sets it in perspective.

ExitChasedByABear · 07/02/2021 09:36

@disconnecteddrifter

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful
@disconnecteddrifter Congratulations Flowers I’m sorry some posters made you feel that way, but not everyone who posted is like that so try to ignore the negative posts.
DressingGown · 07/02/2021 09:52

@disconnecteddrifter For reasons that I don’t have to explain, I had mine at 37 and 42. People always answer these threads based on their own experience and seem to have limited ability to understand that others may have totally different circumstances. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Don’t let anyone make you feel anything other than delighted. We all have our own paths to tread. X

unmarkedbythat · 07/02/2021 09:55

@disconnecteddrifter

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful
Why? Your life is your life. Congratulations on your wanted pregnancy! What other people would do or want is their business. Yours is yours. May this bring you joy Flowers
MrsMariaReynolds · 07/02/2021 10:06

I'm just days away from turning 44, but oooh, tough one.

I spent many years trying to give my now 13 year old DS a sibling (unsuccessfully). I gave up a couple of years ago to be honest, so to find myself pregnant after all this time would be a massive shock to EVERYONE, but maybe a wonderful surprise.

expatinspain · 07/02/2021 10:16

I'm 42 and have an 11 year old. DP, who previously never wanted children of his own, started talking about having a baby. It pissed me off quite a bit tbh, as we've been together for 6 years and in the first couple of years, I was open to it, but he wasn't. He sees stories of famous people having kids in their mid to late 40's and seems to think this is the norm. I don't want to risk the complications and health implications that can arise, the chance of miscarriage or be looking after a tiny baby, getting no sleep etc at 43 or 44. I'm also not interested in going down the IVF route of it didn't happen naturally. In answer to your question, I'm not sure what I'd do. I would certainly panic and it's not what I want in my life now, but I guess until it happens you don't know what you'd really do.

herecomesthsun · 07/02/2021 10:19

@disconnecteddrifter

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful
Many congratulations, I had my kids at 43 and 47 after miscarriages, they were /are just beautiful. and they are the light of my life.

Don't let anyone take the shine off this for you!

I hope it all goes well!

Ninkanink · 07/02/2021 10:21

@disconnecteddrifter Flowers and congratulations on your pregnancy! You have absolutely nothing to feel awful about.

kowari · 07/02/2021 10:26

@disconnecteddrifter

God I feel terrible. I'm pregnant after 8 miscarriages and now I'm 43. I have been compulsively reading this thread ans feel awful
It's about individual timing and circumstances. People make negative comments about having children in your early twenties too.
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