Stupid things you have done

[tapestrymarlon]

I'm sure there are other threads like this, but I am starting my own, because today this happened:

I was making vegetable soup in my new Vitamix, and I heard something bouncing around inside, but assumed it was the fibrous broccoli (I haven't had a high powered blender before, so didn't know what was normal).

However, at the end of 6 minutes and 30 seconds (it cooks the soup as well as blending it), I discovered that I had made teaspoon soup.

The jugs are £140...

@MiddleClassMother

Reversing my car late at night. the parking sensors are going off, I stupidly ignore them and reverse right into a wall, felt mortified explaining how stupid I had been to my husband...

If it makes you feel better....

I'd had a 12 year old VW Golf before and no accidents.

Bought a brand new Mercedes and reversed it into walls/pillars twice within weeks - huge dent on either side of the back bumper.

The Mercedes has rear sensors and a rear parking camera!

We were taught how to cook/bake from quite a young age starting with making toast. If I was hungry my parents would say to make myself some toast. I always used a knife to get the toast out. My dad caught me doing this about six years later!

DS is learning to make toast. I've bought some wooden tongs with a magnet so they are stuck to the side of the toaster!

@Wendyhause there is surely a short story if not a novel there in the making :"When learning to drive I did something far too serious to admit to here but thank god for duel controls and the quick thinking of Mr. Watson! He is probably dead now but thank god it was not me who killed him." Bless Mr Watson

OK this then ( I took my driving test twice ) - Did you turn the wrong way on to a dual carriage way ( carriage ways shielded by trees) having misinterpreted a hand signal & thought it was just a normal road so turned immediately right. I had - luckily - a gap in the trees & swung on to central reservation & back into the correct lane I do recall some horns - I thought I had recovered rather well ( instructor's rather scared face face not withstanding ) Reader - I failed .

I put a disposable nappy in the washing machine. Mostly used washable nappies, in my defence. The results were interesting.

@BasiliskStare

OK this then ( I took my driving test twice ) - Did you turn the wrong way on to a dual carriage way ( carriage ways shielded by trees) having misinterpreted a hand signal & thought it was just a normal road so turned immediately right. I had - luckily - a gap in the trees & swung on to central reservation & back into the correct lane I do recall some horns - I thought I had recovered rather well ( instructor's rather scared face face not withstanding ) Reader - I failed .

Something like that yes! but without the trees so that made it so much worse!

oh and I am a bit of a pedant and never more so with my own mistakes so

should have written dual and not duel

@Wendyhause - O these people who think they have been stupid by leaving a credit card in the trousers or putting some tissues in the wrong bin bag ( I paraphrase for effect ) It still makes me shudder to this day how serious that could have been. But I think I should have scored points for quick wittedness ( because I did not have the obviously lovely and clever Mr Watson)

My son passed his test on try 2. He phoned to say good news bad news - the good news was he had passed his test ( managed not to go the wrong way up a dual carriage way - good for him ) the bad news was it was one of those cars where you don't actually use a key - you just bleep it and then put it on your pocket. ) So key fell out of his pocket and under between the gear box & the drivers's seat - we had to pay for 3 more lessons whilst the instructor took the car to the garage to find keys & had to cancel the next two lessons

In my defence - 25 years later I can drive safely & DS always makes sure he puts all keys in the car somewhere he can see then

@Wendyhause

Yes the staple shooting in your flesh is so fast it is not really painful but the removal of said little bastard is absolute agony. Apparently.

Similar to the guns they use for ear piercing. I used to save the plastic tubs that ready-made trifles came in, to use as jelly moulds. Fine for cool jelly, not so good the time I poured boiling hot blancmange into one; the tub shrank before my eyes, and I had liquid blancmange all over the worktop.

Hoovered hot ashes out of my wood burner and set my Henry hoover on fire.

Oh I have one more - whilst DS was a baby I was making a lovely cot blanket cover for his cot at my PILs . Bit tired & just ran the whole length through under the sewing machine needle Well we spent the end of that evening with DH & MIL & DS in one car , me and FIL & the part of the sewing machine they had managed to take out ( because the rest of the needle could not be removed as it was straight through the bone of my left forefinger)- so hanging off my finger. . MIL who was lovely strode into A&E & when triaged - she said this is a feeding mother and there is her son. So, we still had to wait for a while and by golly it hurt & I did not like to see the bit of the sewing machine on my finger - because I had to keep it s straight - Anyway in time DH & went into a room & the man had to actually brace his foot to get the needle out, It stung a bit - I can tell you. But needle out & we all went home .

From that day to this I decided I will buy stuff rather than trying to make it myself

Called put the AA because the car just wouldn’t start. Turns out I’d left it in gear and automatics won’t start if in gear. Obviously.

Took the lid off a Yankee candle jar and dumped it on top of the wood burner which I then lit. It welded to the woodburner, my DH managed to get the lid off but there’s still a ring of plastic melted on there.

Admiring the new splash back behind the cooker. Walked backwards to get a better perspective, tripped over the wide open dishwasher door that I’d just opened!

Sanding the threshold (slight step up in the kitchen) and thought I’d pass the sander over my head as I was lying flat for a better angle. It slipped and hit my eyebrow. The resultant bruising was horrific and lasted ages. Even with theatre style concealer, the bruising was obvious. Then because I sleep on the opposite side, the bruising travelled to the other eye! Was fun teaching that week.

Enjoying this thread, thank you!

Deliberate stupidity...ex Boyfriend bought me my first car. I lightly wrapped new blue car around a post in a car park. Instead of owning up to the whacking great dent and white mark on the side, I used nail varnish to match blue car in an attempt to conceal the white mark at least. Boyfriend obviously thick as when he discovered the art work, he was very angry at whomever had driven into his girlfriends love very new car and tried to cover their tracks by painting over it. He seriously didn't cotton on to my hideous plan. Not sure who's more stupid. Found out afterwards with nail varnish remover than the 'white mark' literally rubbed off with a baby wipe , no need to waste any nail varnish 🙄 😳

Holy shit BasiliskStare! 😱

I too have done exactly that LunaNorth! I don't think I've ever thrown a Hoover into the garden as quickly as I did that day... It's just impossible to resist hoovering up those pesky, lava hot, burning cinders isn't it? 🙄

I had been in a shopping centre and went back to my car, couldn't find my ticket anywhere.

Looked in every pocket, through my purse, in every bit of my bag. Eventually I gave in a phoned the person on call, who was obviously pissed off, said I'd have to pay for a full day's parking and he'd be there in five minutes.

It was just then I realised I was speaking weirdly, and the ticket was clamped between my teeth.

I RAN back to my car and drove away at top speed

Idiot.

I can’t believe I’m even admitting to this but I’m new here so no one will know me
The other day I slipped in the kitchen and couldn’t get back up again, I wasn’t hurt I’m just 34 weeks pregnant, and before anyone could help me I’m ashamed to say I wet myself

@Justplainstoopid - honestly promise you that was a true story - so in a convoy with me holding a bit of sewing machine which DFIL had managed to get out with a tiny screwdriver - which was attached to my finger ( never mind about me being there whilst he sorted out his screwdrivers - I think DH was at the point of saying just pick up the whole sewing machine and DFIL was rustling about saying - no no I am sure I have the right screwdriver somewhere. ) - I think it is to my credit that I just did not swear my head of at them - but merely pointed out that I was the one joined to the sewing machine via my fucking bone whilst you are are twittling about for your relevant screwdrivers. - So half an hour of that , then half an hour drive to the hospital with bits of sewing machine still through my finger - straight through the bone & then got to triage - I wan't top of the list ( Which I absolutely accept ) But then it hurt in the first place , after an hour or so it really was very much hurting nd throbbing ) So when I got in to lovely A&E doctor - who took a quick Xray & said this needle is right through the bone - I think I could have been forgiven for saying ' well I could have told you that. - given I have two bits of sewing machine on either side " Ah he was great - but he did say to Dh - stand back I need that chair to brace myself. I'n all loveliness he got the needle out without me losing the nail . I would have preferred a bit more in the way of pain relief but to be fair the man did it marvellously

I rang a furniture company to complain when the side frame of a flat pack bed was wrong. they said they would send me a refund, and was going to call them back to sort this.
in the mean time, a friend came over, who simply turned the piece round, and it was a perfect fit🤦🏻‍♀️ I never did call them back!

@Cherrysoup

How cruel you are. You have reminded me of a Yankee Candle jar incident. Years ago I was looking at them in a store and picked up one of the large jars to have a closer look. Thing was I stupidly picked it up by the lid. I assumed it was securely taped across the jar but no I was wrong. The heavy jar fell away and bounced off the shop floor. I was horrified but thankfully it stayed in one piece. Could have been a whole lot messier.

I did once wonder if a staple would go through a fingernail
Yes. Yes it does
And removing it hurts

It really does!

I had a fantastic metal handled frying pan that was brilliant for roasting a small thing in the oven. I once had to spend the night in bed trying to sleep with my hand in a bag of ice because, every time I took my hand out of the ice, I was in such agony I was screaming in pain. Several years later I’m still mentally scarred because now, when I dish up, I chant ‘don’t touch the handle, don’t touch the handle’ over and over until I’ve put the hot pan in the sink.

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel

I had been in a shopping centre and went back to my car, couldn't find my ticket anywhere.

Looked in every pocket, through my purse, in every bit of my bag. Eventually I gave in a phoned the person on call, who was obviously pissed off, said I'd have to pay for a full day's parking and he'd be there in five minutes.

It was just then I realised I was speaking weirdly, and the ticket was clamped between my teeth.

I RAN back to my car and drove away at top speed

Idiot.

I call that a "glasses on head while searching every room for, er, glasses" stituation.

Done it more than once.

I was once in a restaurant with DH and browsing the menu. I thought I could smell something and asked if he could smell burning, specifically burning plastic and joked that maybe the kitchen had messed something up.

It turned out I was holding my menu so it was touching the candle on our table and it had melted most of the plastic backing on it.

Loving these.

I used to work in a care home nights (8pm-8am) and one morning got into a panic as I couldn’t get out the door. It took me about 10mins to realise I was putting my PIN number into the keypad. It was getting to the point I was questioning if I was a resident.

While pregnant I made my dds breakfast but instead of giving her the cereal I handed her the bottle of milk and put the cereal in the fridge.

I once went into a shop to complain I had been sent two left slippers only for them to point out that the L inside meant they were size large and not the foot they go on.

@Trinidading3

My baby was napping and I didn't want to wake him up by putting the light on in the Kitchen so I attempted to strain the peas in the dark and proceeded to burn my belly really bad with boiling hot water. I had to walk around with no clothes hardly as the friction was murder! Then I had to show it to the Doctor who looks like a model who made me feel better by saying he did the same thing cooking a steak without his top on !!! Lesson I have learnt, put the light on in the kitchen

I burnt my podgy stomach by opening the oven door straight onto it while wearing ill fitting pjs That was just before Xmas!