Stupid things you have done

[tapestrymarlon]

I'm sure there are other threads like this, but I am starting my own, because today this happened:

I was making vegetable soup in my new Vitamix, and I heard something bouncing around inside, but assumed it was the fibrous broccoli (I haven't had a high powered blender before, so didn't know what was normal).

However, at the end of 6 minutes and 30 seconds (it cooks the soup as well as blending it), I discovered that I had made teaspoon soup.

The jugs are £140...

@Wendyhause- I once stapled my dress to my stomach whilst attempting to put the safety catch on a wall stapler.

Dd is covering the great fire of London for her school work. I thought showing her a candle, then closing the lid on it would help show why the wind dying down slowed the fire down. Less oxygen, less fire obviously. Then I thought I would show her how the water they used put the fire out using the old wet your fingers and pinch the flame trick. All good, she was fascinated. Asked me to do it again, so I lit a match and tried to put it out with wet fingers instead of the candle. I now have a large hole in my finger from the blister it caused. The flammable substance on a match doesn't work quite the same and manages to burn through a good few layers of skin quite easily!

I have also cut my own stomach by catching it in scissors while cutting fabric. Damn flabby stomach, getting in the way!!!

@Sweetpea1532 I actually didn’t know this either so you’ve saved me future accidents

Hilarious

Just remembered another one. My mum used to look after my youngest when I went to work. I was running late one day and had one of those IKEA table top ironing boards on the worktop to iron a work shirt. To 'help' iron she picked up the appliance with a handle on it and steam coming out of.. not the iron. The kettle. She poured boiling water over my only clean, dry shirt.

I once started driving my colleague anti-clockwise around a roundabout. She quickly alerted me to my mistake. Needless to say I was quite young & quite stupid.

I also have a stupid hoover related injury. I was hoovering the back door mat, when it started to slip along the floor. So I lifted the mat with the intention of showing it back to the doorway, but managed to swing the hoover back at my own foot. The rotating brushes caught the end of my big toe nail and nearly ripped it off. This was about a month ago now and its still black. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done and made me fall to the floor unable to breathe for a minute or so.

Went to throw an empty takeaway hot chocolate in the bin and instead threw it straight at my partner. In order to do this I had to throw it in the complete opposite direction of the bin.

I don't know how it happened. Thank god it was completely empty. 🤦🏼‍♀️

When I was six years old went to the cinema for the first time. Sat on top of the seat until the interval as I didn't realise you had to push the seat down and then sit on it.

Made a (very) spicy curry using a jar of pure capsicum (?) - concentrated "stuff that makes chillies spicy". Must have got some on my fingers. Went for a wee, wiped, fanjo on fire. Yes, that stuff is potent and yes it went through the toilet paper

I made a thread about it. It amused a lot of people. I was not so amused sitting with my legs crossed wincing reading suggestions of slathering a cucumber with yoghurt and shoving it between my legs...

@Trinidading3

My baby was napping and I didn't want to wake him up by putting the light on in the Kitchen so I attempted to strain the peas in the dark and proceeded to burn my belly really bad with boiling hot water. I had to walk around with no clothes hardly as the friction was murder! Then I had to show it to the Doctor who looks like a model who made me feel better by saying he did the same thing cooking a steak without his top on !!! Lesson I have learnt, put the light on in the kitchen

Many many years ago a male friend of mine dropped off the radar for about a week (we were part of a larger group who hung out daily). Turned out that he's decided to do his ironing whilst naked and had managed to brush a rather sensitive part of his anatomy on the iron as he was putting it away.

@Wendyhause

After reading many more posts here I realise I have committed at least 6 of the above stupids. Have any of you ever attempted to staple some papers together and managed to staple your finger tip? Asking for a friend.

I did once wonder if a staple would go through a fingernail.

Yes. Yes it does.

And removing it hurts

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets

I’ve spent hours making delicious chicken stock on the hob before straining it into a colander...straight down the drain. I’ve actually done that twice.

I recently spent nearly an hour cooking dinner before realising the oven wasn’t on.

Yesterday I was looking for my phone, a bit panicky. While on the phone to my sister.

Honestly I worry about myself sometimes.

I can relate to this! I was feeling unwell once years ago, and had some sort of fancy packet soup in the cupboard which from memory was really expensive and special (sounds weird now ). So I decided to have this as it was a treat, and also easy comfort food.

Anyway - it had some things in I wasn't keen on - I'm thinking mussels, can you get dried mussels? So after making and heating the soup I sieved them out and lost the soup down the drain!

It was 30 years ago but I still remember how gutted I felt......

Yes the staple shooting in your flesh is so fast it is not really painful but the removal of said little bastard is absolute agony. Apparently.

Using my brand new mixer for the first time to bake a cake. Stupidly thinking I'd switched it off at the mains I held one of the whisks in one hand with my fingers bent in between both of the whisks. I hadn't and as I lent over to grab something else one of my massive norks pushed up against the switch on the handheld part to it and set the bloody thing going and mangled my fingers inside it. The worse thing was I stood there for a good few seconds watching it twist round and round before suddenly realising my fingers were in there too. I had fat purple fingers for ages after that. Bent the fuck out of one the whisks and the other one barely survived it. Bastarding thing never worked properly after that. Slow cooker bought at the same time as the mixer, had just cooked a beautiful beef in ale with carrots and onions. Put the lid back on the slow cooker to stop the Feline from stuffing his head inside it, only to catch the lid putting it back on and the entire thing of glass shattered everywhere and landed right inside the cooked beef. Gutted. Thankfully I'd just served us a bowl of it with some crusty bread but we were saving the rest for tea the next day. We got our money back on that one plus a replacement slow cooker too. Sadly I don't think I'd have gotten a refund for my idiocy in fucking my mixer up

Reversed into and driven into plenty of walls. Apart from some scratches and scrapes I'm surprised my car is still in one piece.

Gave myself severe concussion and nearly broke my neck doing roller disco

Was leaving for a trip very early in the morning. Car was already packed. Went out to car and key wouldn't open it. Sprayed de-icer on the lock (was quite a long time ago), tried a lighter and eventually tried the boot which was unlocked. Friend climbed into boot and came back out saying, this car has only got two doors. It was the same colour and model of my car, except mine had four doors and was parked right outside the house. All fairly understandable, except we had both walked past my car on the drive!

More recently, I was hiding daughter's toys for her to find and put one in the washing machine. She'd given me about 15 to hide and I couldn't remember where they all were. I was trying to get on with some bits whilst playing with her and of course had put the sodding machine on.

Just remembered another one of my not so fine moments in life. I'd gone up to Durham to visit my now OH. Luckily due to them expecting some snow that week whilst I was there I'd booked a return train ticket to save me driving 3 hours there and 3 hours back if the weather was bad. My car had blown up the night before so I was pleased I had booked the train. Didn't have much money to go up with but it was basically just RNR for a few days. Thought I'd save a bit of money by taking some pot noodles with me. Went to make the last one. Poured the boiling water inside it and thought it looked a bit strange. The kettle must've turned itself off midway through and the water inside the pot noodle was cold. Went to drain the water out to put hot water back in and promptly tipped the whole lot Straight down the toilet. I was bloody gutted I cried. Worse was I had to sit chopping the bloody rock hard noodles up in the toilet so they'd flush down. Thankfully when my OH had finished work he had some lose change in his pocket and was able to scrape me £3 together to go get something from the shop

I decided to make a cheese and potato pie. Cooked the spuds. Grated the cheese. Drained the potatoes and then started mashing them in the pan with the mashed in one hand and holding the pan in the other. Thought there didn't seem much potato.
I was mashing in the colander instead of the saucepan. It was coming out of the bottom. All down my front and jeans and all over my shoes.
Haven't bothered making that since.

You lot are brilliant and have cheered up a dull day!

My piece de resistance was managing to set the alarm off in my old car while driving it out of a car park and frantically trying to explain through the window that I hadn't stolen it, I just had no idea how to turn it off and it had always had dodgy electrics

One of my favourite funny memories of my late Dad is hearing a thump and coming downstairs to find him sprawled full length across our coffee table, which had been in the same place for at least ten years - he'd been painting a mirror for me and didn't see the table when he came in because he'd been looking in the mirror

@lockdownshmockdown

Went to throw an empty takeaway hot chocolate in the bin and instead threw it straight at my partner. In order to do this I had to throw it in the complete opposite direction of the bin.

I don't know how it happened. Thank god it was completely empty. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I had forgotten till I read this but I did something similar to my first boyfriend in my sleep - picked up a mug of water in the night, drank it and for some unknown reason then flung it sideways and bounced off his chest - I'm laughing at the memory but it could have been his head!

I was once ironing a top while applying my make up. I looked at my reflection in the iron and managed to burn my nose. The scar is still there, right on the tip of my nose.

i was cleaning the job after i cooked dinner and was chatting to my dad. picked up the ring and my dad just stared at me for a few seconds, i looked my hand and the tips of my fingers were stuck to it

3 (4) of my best
1 & 2 Coffee making early morning. I have a filter coffee machine with a compartment for cold water which gets heated and pumped up to drip through the filter where the coffee grinds are and drips the resulting coffee into the jug below - once forgot to put the coffee grinds into the filter so had a jug of hot water for breakfast. The next time I didn't position the arm that pumps the heated water into the filter correctly so it kept being returned to the container it had been pumped from. I couldn't understand why the coffee wastn't ready - the water being in perpetual motion.

1. As a youngster, my gran was staying in our house while my parents went on holiday. My gran had no experience wth a dishwasher and my experience was that this is the place where you could find clean dishes. My gran couldn't find what detergent to put in the machine so I told her a squirt or two of Fairy would do the job. I had to clean up the ocean of bubbles which the machne spat out onto the kitchen floor.
2. A hire car, a beautiful sunny afternoon parked outside a pub in Connemara, the local gents enjoyng their Guinness outside on the benches.The car alarm goes off, howling like crazy, me having no idea why, where, what caused it, how to switch it off .I ran around that car like an idiot trying to switch it off until it finally stopped just as unexpectantly as it had started. The locals were highly entertained that afternnoon by the bloody tourist going batshit. Since then, when I hire a car I always ask for explicit instructions regarding any alarm system!

Used hairspray as a deodrant without realising