How does one fart?

[withmycoffee]

Reading a post today about someone's DP farting whist she ate and another about adult DSS comic farting I started wondering, what is fart etiquette in your relationship/family/home?

Do people fart openly? Leave the room? Leave the bed before releasing? Say 'excuse me'? Laugh each time? What is typical fart behaviour?

If I left the room every time I dropped one, I'd never be in the room.

Ive now got to the age where they just pop out even when I'm not expecting them, which is not good. They are little toots at the moment, but I suspect that will change over time as my bottom gets baggier.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles I'm roaring with laughter at that one.

I'm now having images of loads of posters on this thread wandering around farting constantly, just to prove a point!

@sergeilavrov

I still can’t go for a number two when my DH is in the house. This thread has made me giggle and I suspect I need to address this. When I was pregnant, I sent him on errands if I felt wind coming on and at night, I’d get up, and take ‘phone calls’ outside

My DH once farted on our new sofa and was relegated to a chair until he could control his arsehole on the nice fabric.

Generally I don't care about DH's frequent wind but I do tell him in no uncertain terms that he's not allowed to fart in my car. I paid a lot of money for it, I don't want fart on my passenger seat

I am an interpreter. Deaf children in mainly hearing classrooms like you to inform them if a child in the class farts. They like to join in with jumpers held over noses, wondering with the rest of their friends who did it, and giggling until the smell hits them.

I love this! Thank you, mrandmrslobster.

We just fart, DH are LOUD. The rest of us are silent but deadly!

If it’s really smelly the dog gets blamed even if she is not in the room 😂

We fart in the same way as we do at work or in a public place - as in we don't!! (Unless we are in the loo or somewhere else private.) Since when was farting a performance art?

@Hangingover

My ex deliberately farted and burped loudly around me all the time... I never, ever found it funny though, I thought it was gross. To this day it's one of the biggest turnoffs I can think of in a partner.

Yes i agree. I it may be funny for all of 5 seconds but it is a huge turnoff in a partner.

@NannyGythaOgg

Some of you are going to get a shock when you get older.

Stand up - fart escapes. Walking briskly - fart escapes. Turn over in bed - triple fart escapes.

Not a choice - it just happens

Not all people over 80 fart.uncontrollably. My mother is in that age bracket and she rarely accidentally let's one slip.

Ive now got to the age where they just pop out even when I'm not expecting them, which is not good. They are little toots at the moment, but I suspect that will change over time as my bottom gets baggier

That isn't normal. Do you have a rectocele?

farts

I feel like I have a couple of questions for those who think it’s gross, not at all funny, and couldn’t possible in front of their partner:

1. does it bother you that you and your partner inevitably fart in your sleep anyway?
2. did you not participate in whoopie cushions, armpit farts etc when you were a child?

@LastStarFighter I actually struggled to sleep out of fear of doing that, when I first met DH. Now, because I’m on call, we sleep separately most of the time so I’m less stressed. Every cloud but I do accept I’m a weirdo who is overly embarrassed about all of this. I didn’t like whoppee cushions etc as a kid as despite everyone knowing it was a joke, I was scared they suddenly wouldn’t for me and I’d get teased. Quite sad really.

Thankfully, our sons fart and giggle away, but the eldest knows not to do it in public or at meals, and has started saying excuse me.

I have IBS. I’ve had it for the 26 years I’ve been with my husband. I can shift positions & I’m off. I’ve FODMAP’d for years to no avail. I think I’ve taught the kids to style it out too.

Like my philosophy on swearing, it’s safe at home. They’re both educated, professional adults with their own businesses & act accordingly.

Home is where the fart is.

[quote CounsellorTroi]For the po faced about farting, I challenge you not to laugh at this.

[/quote] Whenever I was horse riding if my mount let rip I'd say 'excuse me' on their behalf Actually I can think of one time my partner farted i front of me. He slung a heavy bag over his shoulder and let one go. That was funny because he wouldn't dream of letting rip in front of me. All of you that find it hilarious do you laugh at each one? Say your partner had a particularly turbulent episode would you chortle all night? Parp! Ha ha ha Parp ha ha ha Parp ha ha ha and so on..

@LastStarFighter

I feel like I have a couple of questions for those who think it’s gross, not at all funny, and couldn’t possible in front of their partner:

1. does it bother you that you and your partner inevitably fart in your sleep anyway?
2. did you not participate in whoopie cushions, armpit farts etc when you were a child?

Whoopee cushions and arm farms don't smell of faeces

Definitely leave the room here. Dh, the 2 dds and I don't fart in front of each other. Nor do my family fart in front of each other, DDad notwithstanding and he'd always make a joke of it if it happened.

I wouldn't do it at work (my class would find it v funny if I did and I'd never live it down!) or in front of my friends or randomly in a shop.

It's been 26 years and the only time I've ever heard DH do it is if you can overhear him in the loo. Or when he's asleep and I find it hilarious as he'd never do it by day!

I can ever decide if I prefer a loud and proud or a silent but violent. I’m leaning towards the latter but you know, tough choice. As for your query, DH and I trump away in front of each other 😂😂

Before DH and I moved in together he didn't realise women farted.

I soon disabused him of that notion.

How do some men think that women have different digestive systems? Do they think we're a different species?! Like, literally, not metaphorically?!

Didn't some bloke in the olden days faint on his wedding night as he didn't know women had pubic hair?!

Whoopee cushions and arm farms don't smell of faeces

But .....neither do farts. At least, not in this family. Farts are mostly odourless, but sometimes smell sulphurous. Do your farts really smell of faeces?

DH and I fart away and often laugh at it but we try to avoid farting in front of DD because she's a bit of a prude.

Before DH and I moved in together he didn't realise women farted

Wow.

@Frodont

Before DH and I moved in together he didn't realise women farted

Wow.

I know!

He lived with his very prim and proper mother who never had a hair (or a fart) out of place. He was also amazed that women sometimes had BO.

@WeirdLoverWilde

Before DH and I moved in together he didn't realise women farted.

I soon disabused him of that notion.

Eh! 🤣🤣🤣

How can anyone not realise that another human being who eats the same type of food as them and digests it using the same biological processes is also going to fart? Just as they fart!