How does one fart?

[withmycoffee]

Reading a post today about someone's DP farting whist she ate and another about adult DSS comic farting I started wondering, what is fart etiquette in your relationship/family/home?

Do people fart openly? Leave the room? Leave the bed before releasing? Say 'excuse me'? Laugh each time? What is typical fart behaviour?

I’ve never audibly farted in front of my husband Only if it’s just air and won’t make a sound or smell (most of mine). He tries not to in front of me but if an audible one happens he says excuse me. The kids let them rip loudly and laugh a lot, we laugh too but do make them excuse themselves.

No farting, talking about farting, bums, genitals or sex at the dinner table or if someone is eating/preparing food/etc.

Never at the table. Farting is tolerated but not encouraged.

I enjoy going in for a hug, gazing into the husbands eyes, smiling lovingly, and then... letting one sneak out. The displeasure on his face when the smell arrives always brings joy to a dull day.

I also enjoy farting near strangers, at a bus stop, or train station, and then slinking away, trying not to giggle and give the game away.

Farting and then looking around, disgusted, as if trying to 'see' who did it, even though I know it was me.

And... yoga. Someone always farts, and I can't help but roar with laughter, and I quite enjoy that other people bristle and give me their 'that's inappropriate' face, which humours me greatly.

My father-in-law was the best. He'd sit down and suddenly, it was like somebody had dropped a cannister of mustard gas. He could clear a room in seconds. He'd sit there, feigning ignorance, but if you caught his eye you knew he too thought it amusing that people were gagging and their eyes were watering.

I once listed a jar of farts on ebay, for a joke. And, yes, somebody bought them. 99p. Hahaha.

Loud and deadly except when eating

@yaboo you are a disgusting disgrace,have you no decorum?!

Never at the dinner table, or if someone is a bit ill and smelly, but other than that anything goes . We have a bit of a ritual that we all blame each other with a mock-offended “excuse you!”, and if we are out walking and one of us stops for a moment there is a bit of confusion until we realise, then all move on very quickly 😂

However, working from home on zoom calls has gotten very confusing when I have occasionally let rip with a bum-cheek-wobbler before realising it was going to be obvious to my colleagues what I had done

I do in front of OH but not anyone else 😂

In the house its pretty laid back. Not impressed with farting at the table though. DH used to find it funny to fart in public but is no longer so immature thankfully as it really wound me up.

When I was with my ex I never farted in front of him, I don’t find them funny or amusing, it’s perfectly possible to not do it like others have said they don’t fart in front of friends at work etc, and I’m just not that gassy tbh!

As and when required at home - it's my space, have never minded DS or DH doing it either. I once investigated pants for DH when he was having chemo that were meant to stop the stench from leaking out, but never bought them although I did threaten to. I do try not to outside the home though, although I did go into work before Christmas, the office had about 3 people in it and my side was empty (we had been allocated massive personal spaces each) and had to fart - thought it was safe but someone was walking through my space and heard me

I think if DH and I never farted in front of each other one or both of us would have burst like an overfilled balloon by now! I'm quite a gassy person and get bloated with trapped wind easily, sometimes after a big meal I get DH to gently try and massage it all out 😂. We have no problems farting in front of each other. If it's smelly we will at least warn each other and try and waft it away!

We don't fart at the table or in public unless it's outdoors with no one else around. Sometimes on a walk DH will give me a little sheepish sideways grin and I'll be like.. You just farted didn't you, and pretend to be all annoyed but I find it quite funny.

I cannot for the life of me understand how some couples have never farted in front of each other!!!

Totally uninhibited with DP, but never if I can possibly help it with anyone else.

Same in my household!

@Figgyboa

Same in my household!

Sorry, I meant to reply to another poster saying they blame the dog!

My partner farts really, really loudly. Like he will push it out full force because he knows I find it hilarious.

But when I do it, he doesn't laugh at all, not even a slight smirk. He finds it really disgusting and sometimes tells me so, but I'm nearly in tears that he finds it so disgusting. Most of the time I try and hold them in, but if we've had an argument then I will fart really loudly to piss him off.

I try not to in front of DH, but after ten years or so, I’m relaxing a bit. Still keep it to a minimum though. It’s not very sexy.

My first DH used to tell me off and get all uppity, so I’d do it all the more just to piss him off

At home as and when needed.

They're just farts!

@LouNatics

I’ve never audibly farted in front of my husband Only if it’s just air and won’t make a sound or smell (most of mine). He tries not to in front of me but if an audible one happens he says excuse me. The kids let them rip loudly and laugh a lot, we laugh too but do make them excuse themselves.

No farting, talking about farting, bums, genitals or sex at the dinner table or if someone is eating/preparing food/etc.

only if it’s just air

Bless your heart. Do you pee rainbows, too?

As and when needed, unless not at home or with company that do not live with me.

I broached this hurdle early on with DH. We were on our third date and I couldn't hold it in to leave the room, I then said that if we were going to be together long term I wouldn't be ashamed of normal bodily functions. He laughed and that was the end of hiding farts.

A friend of mine has been with her partner 6 years and other than one upset stomach has never ever farted in front of him. They have lived together for 5 of those 6 years. I just couldn't live like that, feeling uncomfortable in my own home.

@QueenPawPaws

Never ever in front of anyone for me

Same here

As someone with IBS I have to let gas out as and when needed or I get crippling pain. Obviously at work I leave the room go for a walk outside or go the loo but at home it's very relaxed and we let the wind go free 😁

@idontgetpaidenoughforthis I’m the same as have IBS and would be doubled over in agony if I couldn’t fart when I wanted at home. Mine never smell 99% of the time and are just loud air. DP farts loudly in front of me every day too and we both find it funny. On the rare occasion I notice mine smell then I’ll take myself to another room to do them and so will DP if his smell.
I can fart loudly in front of my family but I wouldn’t in front of friends or work colleagues so I have to excuse myself to the toilet quite a lot.
I should add it took me about 2 years to fart in front of DP when I met him. I spent those first 2 years very bloated and uncomfortable and I wish I’d just let the parps be free a lot sooner

@Chloemol

Never in front of anyone, just rude

Yep, it's nasty. I don't want air from someone's arsehole in my lungs thanks very much.

It's so disgusting. If either me or DP accidentally let one out we would apologise and laugh it off. If I felt one brewing I'd go to the bathroom!

Scum bag behaviour.