How does one fart?

[withmycoffee]

Reading a post today about someone's DP farting whist she ate and another about adult DSS comic farting I started wondering, what is fart etiquette in your relationship/family/home?

Do people fart openly? Leave the room? Leave the bed before releasing? Say 'excuse me'? Laugh each time? What is typical fart behaviour?

All of you that find farting funny.....what's funny about it? Unless you're 12.
Yes it's a natural bodily function, but it comes out of your arsehole. There's nothing pleasant about that.

My mother would always fart loudly in front of us at home and I found it disgusting.
I try not to do it in front of DH, and he's the same. If one sneaks out then we'd both say "pardon me".
I've also never let him see me go to the loo. He's seen me give birth twice, but that's a baby, not bodily waste.

In my opinion there are just some things in life that aren't meant to be shared.

Lovely story about Queen Elizabeth I

"This Earl of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travel [for] 7 years. On his return the Queen welcomed him home, and said, 'My Lord, I had forgot the Fart'. Anecdote recorded by John Aubrey in Brief Lives (1693)."

A gracious ruler!

I don’t find it remotely difficult not to fart in front of people even at home. It doesn’t cause me any tension at all. I’ve spent more time reading this thread than I ever have pondering farts. I can imagine it would be much harder with any sort of digestive issues, and if either of us were ill in that way I’m sure the other would cope with the results without a struggle.

For the po faced about farting, I challenge you not to laugh at this.

My ex deliberately farted and burped loudly around me all the time... I never, ever found it funny though, I thought it was gross. To this day it's one of the biggest turnoffs I can think of in a partner.

Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too!

Personally I don't find farts 'hilarious'. They are a natural bodily function, like yawning. Do you find yawning hilarious?

I rarely fart in front of dh or the dcs. I'd find it repulsive if he constantly farted in front of me, and silly and immature if he laughed every time he farted.

We have a good sex life bu the way, not embarrassed about bodies, and a shared sense of humour - just not fart jokes

@Souvlaki

How does one not?

I can't and haven't for the past 34 years since I was 18. I

Some of you are going to get a shock when you get older.

Stand up - fart escapes. Walking briskly - fart escapes. Turn over in bed - triple fart escapes.

Not a choice - it just happens

@NannyGythaOgg

Some of you are going to get a shock when you get older.

Stand up - fart escapes. Walking briskly - fart escapes. Turn over in bed - triple fart escapes.

Not a choice - it just happens

Well I'm 56 and no uncontrolled farting yet. I don't have any gut issues and I'm not overweight. If it happens, it happens!

My family always fart around each other but for some reason I'm really weird about it. I don't fart in front of anyone except my 10 year old niece and that's only because I felt safe to fart in front of her when she was a baby/toddler so have just carried on as she's gotten older. I will literally sit with a sore belly until I can go somewhere private to do it. I don't know why I'm like this and I know it's so odd but the thought of farting in front of anyone makes me feel so embarrassed!

I've been with my boyfriend just over a year and, bless him, he really did try to keep his farts in because he knew I was weird about it. I ended up saying to him one night "if you really need to, it's fine you can do it in front of me" because on a few occasions I'd noticed his belly doing those big rumbles that happen when you badly need to fart and he mentioned having a sore stomach a few times. Now every time he does he goes "oh, I'm so sorry!" Really sincerely. I've given the poor man a complex!

Although my best friend loves to point out that I'm a lady all day but as soon as I doze off I fart like a trooper 🤣 It has to come out at some point I suppose! My lovely boyfriend has not mentioned this to me though.

Although when we'd been together about 6 months I had a disaster. I came down with an awful stomach bug while he was staying over. TMI but it was projectile out of both ends he was knocking the door asking me to please let him in so he could look after me and between crying, shitting and spewing I managed to wail "No I want you to see me as a sexual being!!" He let out a big sigh and said "I promise I will still see you as a sexual being" and barged in. I was absolutely mortified but he was so lovely to me. He made a joke the next day along the lines of "Well a little fart in front of me will be easy now, eh?" But even after all that I've still never even done an accidental fart in front of him!

Never in front of my husband, friends family ( except for when I was a small child) was always brought up to use the bathroom/toilet . Thankfully my husband is the same , although we have never discussed it 😂 I agree it’s a natural bodily function of course , but you wouldn’t shit on the sofa or in the car would you!

My mother used to say the queen only farts little tinkly bell sounds and I used to believe her when I was a child.

Fart openly and laugh raucously. Sometimes theatrically with comedic timing. We make each other laugh doing it. My partner's friend told him after he met me, "if you fart and she farts back, she's the one."

We have an agreement of no farting in the kitchen when we're cooking. But sometimes one of us forgets and neither of us really cares.

I fart endlessly. I couldn't be with someone who had an issue with it. That's Dullsville to me.

Fart openly and laugh raucously. Sometimes theatrically with comedic timing. We make each other laugh doing it. My partner's friend told him after he met me, "if you fart and she farts back, she's the one."

Ew.

@yaboo

I enjoy going in for a hug, gazing into the husbands eyes, smiling lovingly, and then... letting one sneak out. The displeasure on his face when the smell arrives always brings joy to a dull day.

I also enjoy farting near strangers, at a bus stop, or train station, and then slinking away, trying not to giggle and give the game away.

Farting and then looking around, disgusted, as if trying to 'see' who did it, even though I know it was me.

And... yoga. Someone always farts, and I can't help but roar with laughter, and I quite enjoy that other people bristle and give me their 'that's inappropriate' face, which humours me greatly.

My father-in-law was the best. He'd sit down and suddenly, it was like somebody had dropped a cannister of mustard gas. He could clear a room in seconds. He'd sit there, feigning ignorance, but if you caught his eye you knew he too thought it amusing that people were gagging and their eyes were watering.

I once listed a jar of farts on ebay, for a joke. And, yes, somebody bought them. 99p. Hahaha.

Pure poetry. Wonderful. You'd get on well with my friend. She taught her 5 year old daughter to bring her a special little wooden box when she needed to fart. The Fart Box. Then she'd tell the wee one to take it to dad to open.

Whenever anyone needs to fart in her house they exclaim "bring me The Fart Box!"

@Frodont

Fart openly and laugh raucously. Sometimes theatrically with comedic timing. We make each other laugh doing it. My partner's friend told him after he met me, "if you fart and she farts back, she's the one."

Ew.

Oh go on, have a go. Let one out. You'll feel better for it.

Thrrrp.

@ilovecardigans

Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too!

I am an interpreter. Deaf children in mainly hearing classrooms like you to inform them if a child in the class farts. They like to join in with jumpers held over noses, wondering with the rest of their friends who did it, and giggling until the smell hits them.

I am as discreet as possible, I don't think its funny and find anyone who does it on purpose idiotic and bad mannered. I'm looking after my 8 year old nephew at the moment and for a while he was all about poo and fast humour, thought poo had to be fit into every conversation but he's realised now that when with me he gets no reaction so he's given up thankfully.

@lockdownshmockdown

Fart openly and laugh raucously. Sometimes theatrically with comedic timing. We make each other laugh doing it. My partner's friend told him after he met me, "if you fart and she farts back, she's the one."

We have an agreement of no farting in the kitchen when we're cooking. But sometimes one of us forgets and neither of us really cares.

I fart endlessly. I couldn't be with someone who had an issue with it. That's Dullsville to me.

Agreed. When I was a student (far too many moons ago) and met my now DH it was referred to as being on farting terms with each other.

I still can’t go for a number two when my DH is in the house. This thread has made me giggle and I suspect I need to address this. When I was pregnant, I sent him on errands if I felt wind coming on and at night, I’d get up, and take ‘phone calls’ outside

My DH once farted on our new sofa and was relegated to a chair until he could control his arsehole on the nice fabric.

I think there's a time and a place.

I hate anyone farting when we're having a meal. It's rude and unpleasant for everyone trying to enjoy their food. That's my line and even throughout several very farty pregnancies I have never crossed it.

Most other times it's fine. If DH and I are in bed drifting off to sleep and one of us does a smelly fart then we tend to quietly say sorry. The other usually responds saying it's ok, unless it's a truly horrendous one, in which case there will be theatrics and windows being thrown open, calls for divorce lawyers etc.

We aren't a farty family.

DP will but never in a horrible cock your leg and force it out sort of way and always follows up with an excuse me.

Tbf I couldn't imagine just farting freely in front of anyone. I do have a medical condition where sometimes it can't be helped but thankfully they're silent so I blame them on the poor dog.

My brother in laws do it frequently/competively and I find it grim as well as bad mannered.

I also don't get why people find them so hilarious, we have lots of bodily functions none really have me doubled over in laughter.

My DS does one and he looks at me all bashful and says oops goose me.

We don't fart in front of each other unless we're in intestinal distress. I've only heard DH fart about three times in the 12 years we've been together.