How does one fart?

[withmycoffee]

Reading a post today about someone's DP farting whist she ate and another about adult DSS comic farting I started wondering, what is fart etiquette in your relationship/family/home?

Do people fart openly? Leave the room? Leave the bed before releasing? Say 'excuse me'? Laugh each time? What is typical fart behaviour?

In my mind I can hear Dave Gorman reading the disapproving posts as a Found poem. :o

I am very discreet and a little bit prudish about farting in general - I was brought up to believe it was the HEIGHT of bad manners to make a "rude smell" (that outs my name change as I've relayed that before).

But farts are always hilarious and my DH has no such hang ups. I do try to compete with him but my farts are allegedly pathetic. I rarely score more than a 3 out of ten.

But in public or amongst friends and family? Never.

Do a silent-but-deadly and blame it on the dog.

Leave the room in our house. It's gross and (IMO which I realise isn't always shared) disrespectful.

I wouldn't openly and deliberately fart in the office, so why would I at home? Some perfectly natural bodily functions are appropriate in company, some are best kept discreet where possible.

I'm embarrassed about things like that so I'll leave the room, but DP and DSS just do it whenever they need to, and I don't mind. I'd love to be able to do it and not be embarassed!

As and when necessary at home, and sometimes blame the dog.

A loud, long and clear fart is very satisfying. DH used to be a bit prudish about it before I came on the scene. I came from a family of competitive farters (except in polite company). In his family it was a no-no and you had to virtually deny you even had an arse. I have him trained after almost 30 years though. He no longer minds farting in front of me, or when out for a walk and can produce some real crackers. He does tend to blame his shoes or the floorboards though. Apparently shoes and floorboards can now fart!!

I love these fart threads and it has been a long time since we have had a really good one as Covid has squashed it all out. Some of the responses on them are hilarious, as are the lengths that some people will go to to avoid farting in front of their partners.

As for not farting in front of your partner in order to maintain an air of mystery!! What?? Is it really such a mystery that another person performs such a normal bodily function as farting?

I live in a house full of males so farts are quite an integral part of life. Dh loves a good fart. I would love to live in a genteel house of pardon mes and leaving the room but alas, tis not the case.
Both ds's yell 'safety' if they fart, or 'doorknob' if someone else does. If 'doorknob' beats 'safety' then the fart culprit can be punched repeatedly on the arm until he touches a doorknob. Apparently.

Menopause makes them slap out at random with no warning. Loud and proud, I have no other choice these days.

Loud and proud! Although the baby has us all beat today. 14 months old and farts like a grown-ass man, even laughs at them.

I have IBS and gut trouble is pretty common which has lead to host of awkward accidental fart stories (and the reason I don't wear both headphones in public anymore).

My DGM is utterly horrified by any mention of bodily function and almost passed out when dh farted and dd laughed then squeezed her own out 😳

As for not farting in front of your partner in order to maintain an air of mystery!! What?? Is it really such a mystery that another person performs such a normal bodily function as farting?

The 'air of mystery' statement is a bit much, but I think I'd struggle to summon much desire for a man who deliberately and joyously swamped us all in a cloud of his foul-smelling bowel gas regularly

If they occasionally slip out then so be it, can't be helped. It's the 'loud and proud' deliberate act that makes me cringe. There are lots of perfectly natural bodily functions that are impolite to do brazenly in front of others.

I've never been embarrassed if one slipped out but I'm currently having radiotherapy to treat my pelvic area. HOLY HELL THE FARTS. So many of them and so stinky. I've just got to let them out. If DH has noticed he is too nice to say anything, and I feel I have a legit excuse.

@starfish88

How do the 'leave the room-ers' manage to stand up without farting on the way up? Or at least without a funny walk?

I was thinking this 😂

@Givemeabreak88

It’s really not that hard to hold in a fart, the same way you would hold it in if you was somewhere public? you don’t just see loads of people wondering around unable to hold them in, it’s funny how people seem to manage in public in front of other people

In fact it is really hard for some people.

I wish there was a way to cross reference this thread to the sex boards.

Pretty sure I could imagine the pattern that would develop

In fact it is really hard for some people.

So do you fart in front of friends? Family? Your boss? On the bus? Train? In front of the lady at the check out? No? Well the same way you manage to hold it in then.

@Givemeabreak88

In fact it is really hard for some people.

So do you fart in front of friends? Family? Your boss? On the bus? Train? In front of the lady at the check out? No? Well the same way you manage to hold it in then.

I fart wherever I am when one brews. Its not hard to sneak one out.

I purposely make them raspy at home.

Its all about the position of your arse cheeks

I’ve always farted in front of my immediate family. It’s totally normal for us because it’s a perfectly natural bodily function. I can’t believe some posters have been married for years and not farted in front of each other. That’s just not normal if you can’t relax in front of them.

Family of farters here, we all find it hilarious

I wouldn't openly and deliberately fart in the office, so why would I at home?

For the same reason that you wouldn't shag your boss but you shag your husband?

I'm pretty relaxed about it at home. I refuse to sit in my own house and not be able to fart. But then I'm a nurse and pretty relaxed about bodily functions being part of life.

I had an incident in my office once. I was sitting at my desk with a rumbling tummy and thought "Oh jesus! I'm going to have to do the squeeze the bum cheek waddle to the toilet" Just as I got out of my chair my colleague said something ridiculously funny that made me burst out laughing and at the same time I totally let rip! It was the loudest fart I think I had ever done! (luckily it didn't smell). It was totally and utterly hilarious and we still talk about it in the office 11 years later! Farts are funny. End of!

Let the wind blow In This house.

There are levels of guest that we wouldn't fart around interestingly that also corresponds to cleaning and language levels.

So mother in law is no rudeness of any kind ( she had overly prim ideas of what is rude) house must be spotless and absolutely no bodily emissions. Thankfully she doesn't visit often.

My dd has food allergies and part of that can result in wind. She would hold it in all day at school from a very very young age and then fart all the way home.
Farts on a booster seat are loud!!!

How does one not?

@Givemeabreak88

In fact it is really hard for some people.

So do you fart in front of friends? Family? Your boss? On the bus? Train? In front of the lady at the check out? No? Well the same way you manage to hold it in then.

I didn't say it was impossible I said it was hard, and painful!