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Original poster

How to help my partner with his dirty nappy aversion?

407 replies

Cleaneatingisawesome · 24/01/2021 09:49

My partner is a wonderful father to our 6 month old son.

The only thing he's got a big, big problem with is changing dirty nappies. He's okay with urine, but if our son does a poo my partner always starts to gag, like he's about to throw up. The smell and look just makes him feel very sick.

He always calls me for help then, even if I have a lie in.

I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

He's had an aversion against dirty nappies his whole life and we hoped it would change with his own child, but it didn't.

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 24/01/2021 12:09

He also sometimes looks after him for hours in the evening after work so that I can have a break

You are far more easily impressed than me!

Notcontent · 24/01/2021 12:09

I find this really hard to understand actually. I always thought that a bit like all other animals we form a bond with our babies which means we are naturally not repulsed by their bodily functions. When my own dd was a baby, of course I didn’t delight in dealing with messy poos, but at the same time I remember having this feeling of satisfaction in getting her clean and comfortable, and I think the process of doing these things for our babies is what strengthens that bond.

Cornettoninja · 24/01/2021 12:10

@Cleaneatingisawesome I don’t think the terminology really matters, the fact he’s making such a drama out of it is clear.

You’re clearly trying to be kind and understanding but truthfully it’s undeserved in this case. He should be more than capable of figuring this out. Lots of parents have phobias of things like vomit, blood, injections etc. They have to find a way to work round it, your partner isn’t special.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families
Rainb0wDrops · 24/01/2021 12:10

He just has to get on with it. I remember being home alone with a toddler projectile vomiting all over the place. We were both covered in vomit as was the bed/floor/walls. I find vomit harder to deal with than poo and there was a fair amount of gagging but I just had to get on with it.

Granted if husband had been home I would have asked for help in that instance - and would not have taken kindly to him saying he had an aversion to the smell!

SmileyClare · 24/01/2021 12:11

Well if it's true then he needs to stop the shouting and screaming or whatever noise he's making to ensure you wake up.

It must be traumatic for a baby to have his father shouting in his face during a nappy change.

Bluntness100 · 24/01/2021 12:12

@LuckyAmy1986

He also sometimes looks after him for hours in the evening after work so that I can have a break

You are far more easily impressed than me!

Agree, this implies the op thinks it’s her job, and he does too,

I don’t understand where this mindset comes from, for us, we were both parents, it was both our role to parent our child.

DipSwimSwoosh · 24/01/2021 12:13

Ew no someone saying it is bonding and we don't mind our own kids' poo. I do. I absolutely hated it. I cleaned them promptly of course. Instantly as I can't bear the smell or thought. But the quicker they were out of nappies the better. I couldn't have a dog now as I never want to pick up poo!

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/01/2021 12:18

You need to stop reacting when he’s being dramatic. Ignore it or you’ve got years of this and it will damage your relationship, your child will end up more mature than it’s dad or worse still learn you can manipulate your way out of chores by acting up.

iwishiwasatcentralperk · 24/01/2021 12:18

all he needs to do is put some sudocrem or something under his nostrils, so that is all he can smell, and then chuck a mask on top, job done.

81Byerley · 24/01/2021 12:18

I used to mind my friend's two children while she went to her 4-10pm job. I'd change the baby's dirty nappy just before her husband arrived to pick the children up at 6pm. One day she told me she always knew that the baby had a dirty nappy because when she got home the windows would be open. The baby still had the dirty nappy on because he claimed he "just couldn't do it". The next day, when he arrived I'd left the baby for him to change (about 15 minutes) and said "I've done one...it's your turn". He said he couldn't do it (towelling nappy with pins) in case he stuck the pin in the baby. I told him I'd show him how to do it safely. Then he said he couldn't do it because it would make him feel sick. I told him to grow up and get on with it. This was his baby and it wasn't fair to leave him in a dirty nappy. It was neglect. Every day for a week I insisted that he changed the baby before he went home, and eventually he said "It's not as bad as I thought!" and his wife thanked me for teaching him, saying she never came home to open windows again!

Pumpkintopf · 24/01/2021 12:18

Ffs. He needs to stop the 'shouting and screaming', have a bowl nearby if he really thinks he might be sick, and do the nappy changes all the time until he's desensitised.

Iggly · 24/01/2021 12:20

He’s just being dramatic to get out of doing his job, which is to be a parent.

Radio4Rocks · 24/01/2021 12:22

He needs to grow a pair. Lazy sod.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/01/2021 12:24

I was like this before I had my own children - nearly threw up on one poor child who I was looking after and had to change his poo-nappy (I didn't) - but I had to buckle down and get on with it with my own.

I still can't deal with other kids or other people's poo now either - one of DS2's friends has encopresis and he sometimes wears nappy pants because of it - left some in my bathroom bin and the smell overwhelmed me to the point of gagging and retching, just getting the bin out of the bathroom!

Has he tried the peg on the nose? or sticking something like Vicks under his nostrils to disguise the smell? I don't think he should be able to wuss out on all nappy changing of his own child just because of this. Alternatively he can get a face mask, put something strong smelling on that and just get on with it!

Cornettoninja · 24/01/2021 12:25

@DipSwimSwoosh it is bonding though, babies especially, primarily bond with those who are providing them with their basic personal needs. They bond with those who keep them fed, clean and warm. It’s not like you can bond with them over a shared love of football or operas.

timeisnotaline · 24/01/2021 12:25

Shouting and screaming?? Parents with norovirus/gastro have managed better. I think I managed to vomit through 6 months of pregnancy with more dignity than that. Just ignore his little show, and tell him if he keeps it up you will invite his friends around and he can change all nappies while they are there and they can award him the drama queen trophy for bad overacting. I get gagging (& think the vicks suggestion is brilliant, I’m planning to use it!) but the whole performance art piece - he can definitely help it. He just doesn’t feel like it.

VinylDetective · 24/01/2021 12:26

@MsOgyny

He thinks it's funny?

Well there's your answer about what he thinks of you and your son. If he was genuinely a good father, he'd feel bad about always leaving it to you, or leaving your son dirty until you do the nappy, he'd be trying to find solutions and would be listening to advice. If he's laughing, then he's laughing at you for being a mug who'll do it all for him.

People with genuine problems don't laugh at genuine solutions.

No, if you read that properly it was all of you clutching your pearls he laughed at. Don’t blame him.
Mrsjayy · 24/01/2021 12:26

It must be traumatic for a baby to have his father shouting in his face during a nappy change

This, he has to stop making such a bloody fuss your baby is hearing this haha although that is why you're running to it

rwalker · 24/01/2021 12:26

Unlike most I will offer advice rather than just slag off your DH which I obviously don't know .
Get him a swimming nose clip and stop jumping in to help you are doing him no favours leave him to it.

Carysmatthews · 24/01/2021 12:27

He sounds ridiculous and you’re enabling his aversion by stepping in. Stop babying him and tell him to get on with it.

Falcone · 24/01/2021 12:28

Just wait till your son is doing ginormous shites in the potty without any water or lid to dull the smell. Carrying that potty full of toddler turd to the toilet to be tipped out is far worse than changing any nappy. Tell him to fucking grow up, it's part of being a parent. You can't just duck out of the bits you don't like, you grab the bull by the horns!

C0NNIE · 24/01/2021 12:28

@MsOgyny

He thinks it's funny?

Well there's your answer about what he thinks of you and your son. If he was genuinely a good father, he'd feel bad about always leaving it to you, or leaving your son dirty until you do the nappy, he'd be trying to find solutions and would be listening to advice. If he's laughing, then he's laughing at you for being a mug who'll do it all for him.

People with genuine problems don't laugh at genuine solutions.

This.
Beyondfedupnow · 24/01/2021 12:28

Pathetic excuse for a man. My ex pulled stunts like this which is why he’s been an ex for 13 years. The child we have together is 15 and severely disabled, I’m still changing shitty nappies twice daily for a 15 year old!
You become immune to the mess, sight and smell after a while, tell him this and buy him a jar of Vick.

DemolitionBarbie · 24/01/2021 12:31

I agree he needs to do whatever he needs to do and deal with it. It's not like you're the default nappy changer and he has the option of not doing it.

Once your DC is eating significant amounts of food, the smell and texture gets much more vom-worthy. Particularly after sardines heh heh!

The yick is also worse during potty training and sickness bugs. Kids are just gross!

crazychemist · 24/01/2021 12:36

If he’s not open to trying out suggestions, then he’s just treating you like a mug.

Vicks round his nostrils and keep his mouth shut. Or a swimming nose clip. He’s not alone in finding nappies disgusting! If he won’t try alternatives, it’s because he thinks, deep down, that parenting is your job and he is “helping”. Trust me, this attitude will kill the romance/respect in your relationship.