How to help my partner with his dirty nappy aversion?

[Cleaneatingisawesome]

My partner is a wonderful father to our 6 month old son.

The only thing he's got a big, big problem with is changing dirty nappies. He's okay with urine, but if our son does a poo my partner always starts to gag, like he's about to throw up. The smell and look just makes him feel very sick.

He always calls me for help then, even if I have a lie in.

I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

He's had an aversion against dirty nappies his whole life and we hoped it would change with his own child, but it didn't.

And how can you gag and scream at the same time?

FFS.

It’s funny how women don’t get to have a problem with dirty nappies - we just get on with it, and so should he.

@Same4Walls

People are really harsh on here. There are all sorts of phobias and aversions, they can't always be explained and this doesn't make him a terrible parent.

Personally most people have been very restrained in their descriptions of him. If this was anything other than laziness then he would be trying to solve it but he isn't. He's sat there laughing whilst the OP tries to come up with a solution and a million excuses as to why he's not a terrible parent.

Exactly, and when she’s shown him replies from this thread showing that his behaviour is unacceptable and frankly not normal he’s attempted to belittle it so he can carry on taking the piss out of her.

@WeAllHaveWings is right, I bet OP will notice more and more things he just decides to opt out of because he doesn’t ‘like’ it and that he picks and chooses what bits of parenting he will do.

He sounds like a spoilt, manipulative git to me without a shred of self awareness.

You need to get him doing it soon before it's too late.

I let my husband get away with it because he didn't like it, and he ended up changing about three nappies in his life. I was always there so it was my 'job'.

I feel like an idiot now, I should have made him help with so many things, but I did not work so thought everything to do with the kids was down to me. He also would call me if they were sick as he does not like vomit (who does).

Put your foot down now.

He is screaming now rightyoh

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony.

the answer is for him to change the baby by using a mat on the floor. How does he wipe his own bottom after a mammoth 20 minute man-shit?

Just keep a sick-bucket next to the dirty-nappy bucket. Problem solved!

So what's the solution OP?
You can't leave him with your child for more than a couple of hours until they're fully toilet trained? Which could be years and years from now.. that's no nights out, no trips away with friends, no lie ins or proper breaks?

Nah that would not be acceptable to me.

@TeaAndStrumpets

Just keep a sick-bucket next to the dirty-nappy bucket. Problem solved!

Yes, that was my solution too as it is what I had to do when facing a vomit covered child and bed in middle of night.

I promise this thread is not fake and a piss take.

This is really happening in my household.

English isn't my first language and maybe I chose the wrong word with "screams". Maybe it's better to describe them as "shouts"?

Just these kind of sounds where you would think something horrible had happened.

hes gagging hes not in pain hes making a drama out of it

Tell him to grow the fuck up and get a grip?

I must admit, I am really grossed out by it so my DH has done almost all of them for our 8 month old. I wouldn’t wake him though, I think that’s crossing the line.

I am a bad person I know!

Ignore him and let him get on with it. He shouts because he knows you’ll come to his rescue.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

Yes.

1. Partner stops answering his pathetic cries for help when she is supposed to be having a lie in

2. He deals with it!

You need to see him basically as a toddler making stuff up to avoid having to do something he doesn’t want to do. Although that’s really an insult to toddlers as they’re toddlers who don’t know any better, and he’s a grown up. So when he goes through that ridiculous charade, you don’t reward it. You give him a short, sharp telling off and make it clear that as he’s a grown man, and a father whose child depends on him, he needs to pull himself together. Then you walk away and let him figure it out. Your vagina doesn’t make you any more capable, and his penis is not a magical get out if jail free card.

*out

Oh fgs posted too soon! *out of jail...

@Cleaneatingisawesome

We've started giving our baby solid food since Wednesday. I said he's a wonderful dad as he's very caring and loving with our son otherwise. He also sometimes looks after him for hours in the evening after work so that I can have a break.

I understand what you're all saying. Changing nappies is part of being a parent. I suppose I always rush to his aid because I genuinely worry that he might pass out and our son would be in danger then.

I told him that I asked for advice on mumsnet and read some of the replies to him. He just laughed and thought it was funny :(

I suppose I kind of have to force him to do it in future.

You've set your bar very low. Loving and caring and looking after your own child does not make you wonderful ... these are the very basics of parenting and a given.

Imagine if you said this out loud about yourself to someone else ... " I'm a wonderful mother because I love and care and look after my child" ... are you hearing how awful this sounds .

As for the gagging , he needs to get on with it .

I saw someone get shot once. Through the upper thigh, in and out. A real mess. There was some shouting and screaming.

I've seen countless people being sick. No shouting and screaming. Hmmmm

@wildraisins

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

Yes.

1. Partner stops answering his pathetic cries for help when she is supposed to be having a lie in

2. He deals with it!

That sums it up for me!

He doesn't ask you to help, Op, he asks you to do it for him and you do!

He looks after your child to give you a break??

Wtf?

Surely he does it because he wants to be involved?

He sounds ridiculous & I seem to have bouht into it!

He has a bucket next to him, in case he needs to throw up. I had to do that with morning sickness, the dirty nappy made me gag and vomit. Didn't manage to get out of it though.

He manages to wipe his own arse, he can do his baby's.

My DH frequently gagged when changing our children’s nappies, he really struggled with the smell. I don’t think it ever occurred to him to avoid doing it though - it was just part and parcel of being a parent. Ours are in their teens now and he has gagged while changing nappies of friends/family’s babies in recent years. He still just gets on with it. The baby’s discomfort from a prolonged dirty nappy would far outweigh his and he would never dream of not doing his share.

What an awful man he is.