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Original poster

How to help my partner with his dirty nappy aversion?

407 replies

Cleaneatingisawesome · 24/01/2021 09:49

My partner is a wonderful father to our 6 month old son.

The only thing he's got a big, big problem with is changing dirty nappies. He's okay with urine, but if our son does a poo my partner always starts to gag, like he's about to throw up. The smell and look just makes him feel very sick.

He always calls me for help then, even if I have a lie in.

I'm just worried how he will cope on a day when I'm out of the house and he needs to look after our son himself.

Does anyone have tips how he can overcome this?

He's had an aversion against dirty nappies his whole life and we hoped it would change with his own child, but it didn't.

OP posts:
IndieTara · 24/01/2021 11:34

You're enabling him

WeAllHaveWings · 24/01/2021 11:34

@Cleaneatingisawesome

We've started giving our baby solid food since Wednesday. I said he's a wonderful dad as he's very caring and loving with our son otherwise. He also sometimes looks after him for hours in the evening after work so that I can have a break.

I understand what you're all saying. Changing nappies is part of being a parent. I suppose I always rush to his aid because I genuinely worry that he might pass out and our son would be in danger then.

I told him that I asked for advice on mumsnet and read some of the replies to him. He just laughed and thought it was funny :(

I suppose I kind of have to force him to do it in future.

Glad he is having a good laugh. You are going to have this through the next 18+ years of this as he chooses to opt out of the bits of parenting he does not like, leaving you with no option but to do it for your child sake.

It is immature, manipulative and selfish.

I am still gobsmacked he wakes you up to change a pooey nappy and you allow him to do this.

Brefugee · 24/01/2021 11:34

stop running when he calls and handle whatever happens after that separately.
Either he gets over himself (like the rest of us do) or he doesn't change the nappy and you have a massive DH problem.
But don't facilitate this shitty behaviour.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families
EmilyEmmabob · 24/01/2021 11:34

People are really harsh on here. There are all sorts of phobias and aversions, they can't always be explained and this doesn't make him a terrible parent.

OP he is going to have to bite the bullet but why don't you start slowly, working up to him eventually doing it on his own with you in the room and then with you out of the room? Passing out and acting 'irrationally' are symptoms of phobias - it's nothing to scoff at as a lot of the posters are doing on here.

It's probably going to take a while but you know the importance of finding a solution, you've done the right thing by asking advice. Good luck!

JengaJanga · 24/01/2021 11:35

Put the baby in the bath

littlepattilou · 24/01/2021 11:36

@Bartlet

A wonderful father but won’t change a dirty nappy or look after his child himself.

Yeah. sounds amazing. It’s tragic how low the bar has been set that women feel that this is acceptable. Wonder what he has done to overcome this issue or whether he is happy faking incompetence knowing that his partner will compensate for his ineptitude.

100% this... ^

@Ohwhatbliss

It never fails to surprise me just how low some women's expectations of "men" are. That level of pathetic would likely render me incapable of ever wanting to sleep with him again tbh. It's baby poo. My husband gagged a couple of times changing our first babies nappy in the beginning then he manned the fuck up and parented.

And 100% this. ^

As bartlett said, 'amazing father eh?' The only thing that is 'amazing' is the number of women who think their bloke is a 'great dad' because he plays with the kids 2 for 3 times a week for half an hour at a time, and washes the dishes once a week.

Bluntness100 · 24/01/2021 11:36

@Ohwhatbliss

It never fails to surprise me just how low some women's expectations of "men" are. That level of pathetic would likely render me incapable of ever wanting to sleep with him again tbh. It's baby poo. My husband gagged a couple of times changing our first babies nappy in the beginning then he manned the fuck up and parented.
Agree, it’s deeply unattractive.

It’s not like everyone else is saying “oh good, I just love the smell of shit, let me at his nappy” we all do the same thing, Breathe through our noses , whip it off, wipe the excess poop, dispose of it quick.

As he clearly manages to wipe his own arse and not pass out, then he can certainly do his kids. He just doesn’t want to, so is letting her.

What a twat.

NoJetter · 24/01/2021 11:37

He’s really just going to have to get on with it.

I found nappies really hard when I was pregnant and had hyperemesis and the smell would make me sick every time. I didn’t have a choice and got on with it.

What would he do if you weren’t there for the day or if you were physically unable to change your son? I’ve just had an operation and my husband has done all the nappies as I can’t bend at all.

Same4Walls · 24/01/2021 11:38

People are really harsh on here. There are all sorts of phobias and aversions, they can't always be explained and this doesn't make him a terrible parent.

Personally most people have been very restrained in their descriptions of him. If this was anything other than laziness then he would be trying to solve it but he isn't. He's sat there laughing whilst the OP tries to come up with a solution and a million excuses as to why he's not a terrible parent.

littlepattilou · 24/01/2021 11:38

@EmilyEmmabob

People are really harsh on here. There are all sorts of phobias and aversions, they can't always be explained and this doesn't make him a terrible parent.

Funny how it's only MEN who have a phobia for changing their baby's shitty nappy! Hmm

Wake up FFS. He is as capable of changing the nappy as the mother is. He just doesn't WANT to. You're deluded if you think any different.

gingergiraffe · 24/01/2021 11:40

My son had this problem with his baby’s nappies. But it didn’t stop him changing her and now he has got over it. It just caused us hysterical laughing! There are far worse things in life to have to do. Clearing up pet faeces springs to mind.

Original poster
Cleaneatingisawesome · 24/01/2021 11:40

Some people are saying I couldn't be serious when I say I worry that he might pass out.

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 24/01/2021 11:40

@Honeybobbin

I honestly think you'll find you're in for a long haul of problems with this man. Changing nappies is honestly the easy bit of parenting. It's going to get tougher. I wouldn't be sure he's up to it.
I agree. You can both laugh about his "aversion" now, your friends might laugh, maybe you think it's a bit cute, like the jokes about men fainting in the delivery room, but it's a big problem.

There might be a time in the future when he has to help out one of his elderly incontinent parents or care for you if you were seriously ill or injured.
Right now his issue means he can never be sole carer for his own child.

I'd be seriously disappointed in a partner who behaved this way. Don't enable him.

independentfriend · 24/01/2021 11:41

He could try using a strong smelling air freshener to mask the smell of the nappy.

Alternatively, he could investigate the alternatives to nappies - ie. parent noticing when a baby is about to poo and holds them over a toilet - this might be less smelly and involve less cleaning of the baby but involves getting much more involved in your baby's bodily functions. There's a reason nearly everybody uses nappies.

Bluntness100 · 24/01/2021 11:41

@Cleaneatingisawesome

Some people are saying I couldn't be serious when I say I worry that he might pass out.

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

Jesus, what a drama llama. How can you remotely find him attractive when he’s pulling that. 🤮
Cocorico22 · 24/01/2021 11:42

Have you tried rubbing DP's nose in it when he whinges? That should elicit the desired pavlovian response. Or just LTB

2toe · 24/01/2021 11:42

His child’s needs come before his own dislikes, we have all dealt with the bodily fluids of our children, nobody enjoys it, sometimes it makes us gag but we have to do it.
I was having a get together with friends years ago when a DH of the group came in flustered with a very annoyed baby, a nappy and a packet of wipes, thrusting the baby at her, he had driven there for her to change the nappy. All I can say is words were had with that man, he changed that nappy but what actually made him buck his ideas up wasn’t the needs of the child it was the shaming he got from the other husbands of the group when they were told what happened!

Clymene · 24/01/2021 11:42

It's been six months @EmilyEmmabob. In that time, he's made no attempt to get over his aversion because he knows he can just call the OP and she'll deal with it.

It's why so many mums don't get lie ins or end up cleaning up the third wet bed in a row or getting up to crying children in the night or doing all the laundry because men either don't do it or do it so badly that it's just easier for women to do it.

It's not acceptable. And it is completely insulting for the many men who really are wonderful fathers - who do the wifework uncomplainingly as part and parcel of having children - to call men like this wonderful dads.

Our standards need to be higher.

Ninkanink · 24/01/2021 11:43

@Cleaneatingisawesome

Some people are saying I couldn't be serious when I say I worry that he might pass out.

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

What a twat. Honestly that’s just ridiculous. And you’re being ridiculous by playing along/enabling it. No one passes out from changing a poo nappy fgs.
ThePoetsWife · 24/01/2021 11:43

@Cleaneatingisawesome

Some people are saying I couldn't be serious when I say I worry that he might pass out.

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

Such a drama queen Hmm

Pathetic.

Ohwhatbliss · 24/01/2021 11:43

@Cleaneatingisawesome

Some people are saying I couldn't be serious when I say I worry that he might pass out.

But I'm genuinely worried. One time I was lying in bed in the morning and my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

You're not going to pass out from gagging though are you? Worst thing that will happen is that he vomits. Stop rescuing the pathetic excuse for a father and let him get on with it. Good luck to you, I suspect you're going to need it
Same4Walls · 24/01/2021 11:43

my partner started doing these screams. Almost like he was in agony. I felt immediate panic as I thought he had stumbled, fell down and perhaps dropped the baby. I thought something had happened to our son.

I ran down the stairs in a panic only to find him bent over gagging.

Does he gag and scream when he wipes his arse... Nope I didn't think so. Seriously how can you think he is a good dad when he can't even meet his childs most basic needs?

TwinkleStar88 · 24/01/2021 11:43

I changed my own children’s dirty nappies with no problem. A few years later I was looking after my nephew for a few hours at the weekend and he did an enormous poo, I started to change him and as soon as the whiff of poo hit my nose, I was literally gagging to the point I had to run to the sink as I thought I was going to be sick, returned and finished his nappy and I literally had tears running down my face from gagging so much, even with my top over my nose. I don’t know what brought on the sudden aversion to the smell of poo.
Ask him to cover his nose with something.

SmileyClare · 24/01/2021 11:44

I'm started to think this thread is a piss take now you've described your partner "screaming".Hmm

Ninkanink · 24/01/2021 11:44

Yes quite. If it’s true that’s just utterly pathetic.