For those of you childfree , do you regret not having children?

[Seaair2]

Interested to hear from those of you who are slightly older.

I’m mid 30s and I have never really seen myself being a biological parent. I like children, more so in smaller doses! I am open to step children in the future or even adoption sometimes, or being a teacher , sort of feel like my calling is to help children who are already here does that sound silly?

I just don’t think the full time responsibility (obviously this would happen with adoption) is something that is for me. I don’t know how parents balance it all! I can be quite an anxious person and I think I’d be worrying non stop!!

But my view seems to be looked down on in society because it’s still the norm to have children. I wish it was more common for people to be childfree for there to be more balanced views!

One good thing about being childfree is that you can live exactly as you want (within the law, obviously) without anyone interfering in your life. I see threads on here where people have health visitors nosing into their business, or worse, social services, and I don't think I could tolerate that at all. If I want to stay in bed all day and have nothing in my fridge, it's up to me.

If I want to stay in bed all day and have nothing in my fridge, it's up to me.
preach!

I'm in my 30s and dont intend to. Sometimes I feel a twinge but I know it wont ever be strong enough to tip me.

Sometimes theres the usual thing of wondering about old age, and wondering how nice it must be to be able to nurture these mini people.

But then when you read the threads on here you think fucking hell. Is that what life is reduced to?

I believe a minority have a genuine maternal craving, and most have kids out of existential panic whether or not they're aware of it.

@TeapotCollection

Nearly 50 and not an ounce of regret

Some days I can barely be arsed to look after myself let alone small people 😃

Yep, that's what I meant!

@Clarich007 I would never expect any hypothetical children to look after me, and think that's a terrible reason to have children. It's more that my parents (and siblings) are so important to me. We're all very close - go on holidays and see each a lot (pre-Covid) - and I don't know what my life would look like when I'm older without having family around. I want family, I just don't want to be the parent in that family!!

I’m in my early 50s... and no, I do not regret not having children. Not in the slightest!

Sometimes theres the usual thing of wondering about old age

Absolutely no guarantee your children would look after you, though.

No not in the slightest. I love my nieces and I'm assured I'm a brilliant Auntie but wouldn't have had the patience to have my own

47 and never regretted it!

Hell no, no regrets (42)

@GoldfishParade

Sometimes theres the usual thing of wondering about old age, and wondering how nice it must be to be able to nurture these mini people.

But then when you read the threads on here you think fucking hell. Is that what life is reduced to?

I believe a minority have a genuine maternal craving, and most have kids out of existential panic whether or not they're aware of it.

I also think a lot of people who have kids because 'it's what you do'. So you're married, have a mortgage, a decent job, what's next? Many people just assume kids are the 'next step' even if they're not bursting with parental urges (whatever they are!) I can't think of a single way my life would be improved by the addition of children. Even the 'Kodak moments' don't appeal.

@LApprentiSorcier

One good thing about being childfree is that you can live exactly as you want (within the law, obviously) without anyone interfering in your life. I see threads on here where people have health visitors nosing into their business, or worse, social services, and I don't think I could tolerate that at all. If I want to stay in bed all day and have nothing in my fridge, it's up to me.

Completely agree.

Directly you have children ‘the village’ is judging you and evaluating your every decision. I actually didn’t realise this until I had an encounter with a neighbour last year who had all sorts of interesting opinions on my parenting. Most of them negative. I had no idea this judgement was even happening until they threw it at me one evening. So now I understand that it skidding matter what’s going on behind closed doors, what matters is what people think is going on and I’ve adjusted my life completely.

No data to back this up but my mum seems to know very few women her age (boomer, 70s) without children and is a bit mean or gossips about infertility or selfishness.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone my age (Gen X, 40s) speak the same way. I've got several friends who have chosen to not be parents. We have more in common again now my kids are older and my life is less domestic and I'm hoping those friendships will grow.

Surely, for younger women, social pressures are getting less and less allowing them the freedom to make a decision that is best for the individual.

I can be quite an anxious person and I think I’d be worrying non stop!!

I am an anxious person and tbh, this is one of the things I find hardest about having children. I really, really worry about them and the eldest gives me a lot to worry about. I think having kids if you are an anxious worrier is quite an additional burden.

Absolutely not. I’m very happily childfree by choice, with zero regrets.

I never, ever wanted to be a parent and I knew from a very early age that it just wasn’t for me. Playing with dolls never interested me and I didn’t particularly like children even when I was one myself.

The more I learned about pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood the more the whole thing sounded to me like a total fucking nightmare in which, by any objective analysis, the downsides massively outweighed the benefits.

Obviously some people get ‘broody’ (whatever that means), and most people comply with, or at least never seriously question, social ‘norms’. I am not ‘most people‘ and I don’t want to be.

I think the fact that the more education women have, the less likely they are to have kids / the fewer kids on average they have, says something quite meaningful.

@crumbsnamechange

I think the fact that the more education women have, the less likely they are to have kids / the fewer kids on average they have, says something quite meaningful.

Yes. And this phenonemon has been observed across cultures, with no exceptions that I am aware of. Female education has a strong inverse correlation with birth rates.

I have four girlfriends from school who do not have children, all late 40s now. The first tried for years, had miscarriages and a stillbirth, it was awful and these days you cant even mention your children to her, as its too upsetting for her. The second has never had a relationship long enough and has become very neurotic and self-obsessed especially living alone throughout the pandemic. The third married an older man who already had kids and didnt want more, but sadly he has just left her for an even younger woman and her first comment was how he 'stole' her fertility. The fourth had a terrible childhood which created some mental health issues, but has become an amazingly independent word travelling investigative journalist, plus is very 'eco' minded so it didn't sit right with her values, she never wanted them and is extremely happy with that decision. It was definitely the right thing for her, but the others I worry about.

DH and I didn't want to have children. Then in my early 30s I had the most horrendous urge to have them. I could not explain why to DH or even to myself. I became obsessed with the idea for about a year. Job/house/family circumstances at the time made me reluctantly put the idea on hold, though DH would have gone along with it if I had continued insisting. By the time circumstances would have allowed I had lost all desire to have children and am now in my fifties with no regrets.

'I am not ‘most people‘ and I don’t want to be.'

Love this its hard to be outside the crowd sometimes but I wouldn't change it

Hell no.

Never wanted them. Never changed my mind. Paid to get sterilised privately mid 40s and never looked back.

I love my childfree life. I totally understand that people who want children feel differently but even the supposedly positives of having children always seemed negative to me as I couldn't honestly see any benefit of having a child.

@Lottapianos

'I am not ‘most people‘ and I don’t want to be.'

Love this its hard to be outside the crowd sometimes but I wouldn't change it

According to ONS about 20% of women currently are childfree by the time they reach the end of their fertile years - the percentage has been rising for the last 50 years. Of course, that will include women who wanted children but were unable to have them. It would be interesting to know the percentage who are childfree by choice.

@Notimeforaname

but it's always the fear of being older and lonely that keeps me on the fence

I'm always threatened with this..by people with children. 🤣
Even if I had kids, who's to say we'd have a great relationship when I'm in old age?
And how do I know they wont have moved to the other side of the world and I'll be old an alone anyway?

My delightful mother-in-law informed me that when I am alone at 80, it will serve me right for not having kids.

I refrained from pointing out that her three kids have buggered off to the opposite side of the world and want as little to do with her as possible.

The "nobody will look after you when you're old" argument infuriates me. What an utterly selfish reason to bring a child into the world.