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Original poster

For those of you childfree , do you regret not having children?

368 replies

Seaair2 · 19/01/2021 13:55

Interested to hear from those of you who are slightly older.

I’m mid 30s and I have never really seen myself being a biological parent. I like children, more so in smaller doses! I am open to step children in the future or even adoption sometimes, or being a teacher , sort of feel like my calling is to help children who are already here does that sound silly?

I just don’t think the full time responsibility (obviously this would happen with adoption) is something that is for me. I don’t know how parents balance it all! I can be quite an anxious person and I think I’d be worrying non stop!!

But my view seems to be looked down on in society because it’s still the norm to have children. I wish it was more common for people to be childfree for there to be more balanced views!

OP posts:
Walkingwithcats · 19/01/2021 15:47

Late 40's. No regrets about not having children. I echo what LadyOfTheCanyon said. I do find children boring. I would have been a terrible parent. I much prefer houses and animals.

IcedPurple · 19/01/2021 15:49

I'm 51 so highly unlikely to be able to have children even if I wanted. Good thing is, I don't want. I'm not even ambivalent about it and never have been. I look at friends who have children and while I'm sure they're happy with their choices, being with them just confirms that it's not for me. Every time I spend a few hours with them, I'm so relieved to be able to go back to my nice quiet home and shut the door. That's not an option they will have for years to come. I'm sure the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for them, but not for me!

No regrets.

Toilenstripes · 19/01/2021 15:52

I’m 53 and quite nurturing but I don’t regret not having children. That’s a path for others.

ChaToilLeam · 19/01/2021 15:56

Never wanted then and never had them. Nothing about having kids attracts me. But I don’t tend to get pressured or questioned about it, I think because it’s always been a clear NO for me. Most of my friends have them now and some are really struggling, especially in lockdown.

Lottapianos · 19/01/2021 16:07

'Having kids has it’s moments but for me they’re precisely that..moments'

That's very honest of you and thank you for sharing. That's how it's always looked to me from the outside. I'm sorry that things are so tough

A few posters have mentioned not liking children or finding children boring. I think this point of view doesn't get discussed enough. There is NOTHING wrong with not liking children. I dont feel that way myself but can fully appreciate why many do. I used to work with parents and children and met many many parents who gave the impression of not liking children, including their own! Not enjoying children is a solid gold reason for deciding not to have any of your own, and I wish more people listened to themselves on this issue, instead of buying the Disney nonsense about how its different when they're yours etc.

Ginfordinner · 19/01/2021 16:07

But my view seems to be looked down on in society

That is so sad. I was ambivalent about having a family as I’m not at all maternal and was never broody. I do have a DD now, who is at university, but I totally understand that many women feel that they have fulfilled lives without the need to have children (as did I).

There is more to life than just having children, and I feel sad for people who don’t have the imagination to envisage a child free life.

And as for the "you will be lonely when you are old" remarks, the loneliest older people I know have children, and they never see them. Having children offers no guarantees for a happy old age.

RincewindsHat · 19/01/2021 16:09

Late 30s, childfree by choice and very happy about it. I do occasionally wonder what if, but I always conclude that I prefer my life as it is now to any scenario with a child I can think of. I have never really wanted to be a mother and I feel good about it (I can think of literally 2 instances where I felt like I wanted a child and they were both very fleeting moments, which tells me I had something hormonal or emotional going on rather than it being a true desire).

justanotherneighinparadise · 19/01/2021 16:09

I think you are speaking absolute sense. Don’t let society tell you you are wrong or inadequate. You are living your life just perfectly.

heroku · 19/01/2021 16:17

There is NOTHING wrong with not liking children.

Many people really do judge you for saying this though, especially if you're female. Sometimes I think even my own family thinks I'm a bit of a witch for not being thrilled at the thought of an afternoon with shouty, impatient 5 year olds.

Snooper22 · 19/01/2021 16:21

I'm 42 with 2 older children, if I had my time again I certainly wouldn't have had any!

sammylady37 · 19/01/2021 16:24

I’m 41 and childfree by choice. I never ever had an urge or even a mild curiosity about having kids. It’s absolutely not for me. I can list lots of reasons not to have them but not one single reason that would be a ‘pro’ for me.
I was sterilised last year and I actually shed tears of joy the day I found a surgeon who would sterilise someone who didn’t already have kids. I’m immensely grateful to that man, having met resistance on multiple occasions from others.

Kiwi93 · 19/01/2021 16:27

Thank you for starting this thread, me and dp both have fertility issues so it looks unlikely we could have children, but we are both swaying towards not having them. We have a good income but the thought of not having my own time, less travelling, less money ect fills me with dread. I enjoy the spontaneous going away at the weekend or a lazy weekend in the house.

The only thing I come back to like a few have mentioned is if DP passed before me would I be lonely ect, I know that it’s not a reason to have children and they could be in a different countries/not like us.

It’s nice to read others perspective on it.

elfin79 · 19/01/2021 16:28

Nope, childless by choice and 41. I'm quite lucky that DP has an adult DD (she was a teenager when we got together). He said that if I felt I wanted a kid, he'd do it with me as he would feel saying he was "done" with kids would be selfish. However, he was "done" and I don't want them.

I will be a step-grandmother one day and I quite like the idea of that. I love kids, I also love them to be someone else's responsibility.

elfin79 · 19/01/2021 16:29

Oh, also my DM (70) lives in a different country. My DBro and DSIL live in a 3rd country and DSIL's DM is in a 4th! So there's no guarantee that you won't be alone in old age, even if you do have kids!

TeapotCollection · 19/01/2021 16:31

Nearly 50 and not an ounce of regret

Some days I can barely be arsed to look after myself let alone small people 😃

TeapotCollection · 19/01/2021 16:32

Pressed too soon

I get lots of people telling me they wouldn’t have kids if they could have their time again

harriethoyle · 19/01/2021 16:35

41 and blissfully child free by very determined choice. I have never regretted it and still don't. Very much agree with PP about using all of my lovely non-child earmarked money for fabulous holidays and frocks and a nice early retirement!

LApprentiSorcier · 19/01/2021 16:37

Late 40s and no. I don't dislike children but I'm not even vaguely maternal and I wouldn't want the hassle of children in my life.

thecatsthecats · 19/01/2021 16:38

@heroku

There is NOTHING wrong with not liking children.

Many people really do judge you for saying this though, especially if you're female. Sometimes I think even my own family thinks I'm a bit of a witch for not being thrilled at the thought of an afternoon with shouty, impatient 5 year olds.

I like to think that by only liking children on a case by case basis I'm paying them more respect to their individuality than someone who likes them indiscriminately Grin

(in all seriousness as a kid I HATED being wheeled out as "Exhibit A Child", so I tend to think I'm doing kids a service by letting them off the duty of interacting with an adult)

I am planning to have children, but at the same time I'd be equally happy not to. I plan on having one child or at most twins. I'm not what I call "maternal", but that's more a reaction against the very fluffy idea of motherhood some hold up as ideal.

I do worry sometimes that some people seem to think that lack of "maternal" drive means I shouldn't have children, but at the same time I think my cold pragmatism is a better lens to view parenthood from than the overhyped enthusiasm of really wanting kids.

Whatnext8901 · 19/01/2021 16:41

However it’s easy to say, when you don’t have children and you’re reading what are generally negative posts about having kids, that people haven’t thought about it before making the decision. I thought I was ready or I wouldn’t have made such a massive decision, turns out I was wrong. I think it’s in someone’s character to either deal/cope with all that encompasses children or not but as I said in my first post, you don’t know until you’ve lived it. Know of us know what we don’t know and by the time you do it’s already happened.

79andnotout · 19/01/2021 16:43

No kids here. We tried briefly but it didn't work out and we were happy enough to draw the line under it.

I've never really been badgered about not having kids except for the occasional dull mum who says I'm missing out whilst simultaneously looking like they are having a really shit time and the only thing they can talk about is their kids. My extended family and friends have been non-plussed either way.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/01/2021 16:46

No. 55 now, married for 34 years. Absolutely no regrets

OohThatCat · 19/01/2021 16:46

I was always a staunch no for a long time. Even when my friends had kids and I had young nieces, I think that was enough for me, couldn't fathom having my own. Lack of patience and needing my sleep being a big factor!

It's only now I'm coming into my late 30's and seeing the awesome people my nieces have grown into (just into their teens so this may change, ha!) that I'm starting to soften, maybe I'm getting the twinge and can imagine myself with kids.

But saying that, my kids could grow up to be dicks and I'm so squeamish I faint when I cut my finger, so don't think I'd handle 9 months of pregnancy well - that's enough to keep me put off! It's out of my hands with the pandemic now anyway, we can't afford to raise a child now.

My biggest regret is not being around more when my nieces were younger. I see them a few times a year but it would have been nice to be closer to them as they grew up.

OohThatCat · 19/01/2021 16:48

There's also nowhere to put a child in my house, they would literally have to live in a cupboard under the stairs Grin

Gooseysgirl · 19/01/2021 16:51

Anyone I know who is child-free by choice has absolutely no regrets.