Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

Oh god everything.

Never answering the door unless the person knocking has sought written permission and given at least 3-5 years notice.

Reporting everything to 101 - next doors cat shitting in your garden? Notify the police. Someone knocking on your door late at night? Police. Someone parked their car near your drive? Police.

Never eating a single grain of sugar, and breathing near half a lettuce leaf for lunch.

DC having only 15 mins of screen time per day
Being THE.MOST.IMPORTANT.PERSON at work
Putting vinegar in your washing machine because it’s better for the environment than fabric conditioner. Okay love, course you do 🖕🏼

Only ever booking DIY holidays to places like Indonesia and never, ever, ever stepping foot in the plague that is Europe.

Being a total cow to people who are going through a hard time, or are genuinely seeking help.

Oh and laundry. The frigging laundry, where if you don’t boil wash your towels after every use you are a disgusting sloven. And changing bedding every other day. And you must NEVER wear day clothes in or on bed because that is clearly a fate worse than death.

Hordes of Other People not wearing face coverings in supermarkets. I see maybe one or two at most on my weekly trips (not including young children)

Rear facing school aged children in cars. Toddlers, yes, but not past about 3.

Everywhere still being busy. Most places (except supermarkets or convenience stores) seem pretty dead to me.

@ClangingChimesofDoom

Being a total cow to people who are going through a hard time, or are genuinely seeking help.

You've never met my colleague then.

No one ever shouts at their kids and if your husband does then LEAVE HIM!

People who spend hours EVERY DAY cleaning. I thought my house was quite nice and clean, but I live in squalor apparently.

Nobody celebrates their 30th birthday. It’s not a thing. And yes to reporting EVERYTHING

Tbf fabric softener is the work of the devil.

The Mumsnet chicken!! Drives me bonkers all these people supposedly getting 4/5 meals from one bastard chicken. I'm Lucky to get a bit of soup from the leftovers!!

Well I don;t use fabric softener - mainly because we live in a soft-water area and line dry. I do find the smell of many of them overpowering, and I don't like it at all!

However, I do ALWAYS answer my door because it's rude not to. I think I've phoned 101 to the police precisely once when there were a crowd of 13 year olds on the roof of the school nearby having a snowball fight - it was an accident just waiting to happen and I was so glad when the police arrived and read them the riot act. I definitely do more than breathe near a lettuce leaf for lunch.

I also think people on MN are too quick to throw around phrases about leaving husbands when they don't know the full picture. I don't know anyone in RL who has "gone NC" with various relatives, but on MN it's every other person.

Just endless moralising over everything, hand in hand with class obsession.

Advising Going NC with parents not realising the absolute heartbreak it causes to the parents and wider family. Such an easy thing to advise someone else to do and such a hard thing to live with. (I’m not talking about past abuse or violence btw); more fairly trivial things like purchasing a child a toy the parents might not approve of, or giving a child chocolate without asking.

Putting vinegar in your washing machine because it’s better for the environment than fabric conditioner. Okay love, course you do

^^ Um, I actually do do this! Always have, and so did my mother

Wearing pyjamas all day. Perhaps it's generational or cultural but I don't know one person in RL who wears pjs in the daytime or allows their DC to do this; have only read about it on Mumsnet.

Ditto putting up Christmas decorations in November and taking them down in February

I've never encountered the revulsion to fabric softener on here, in real life. I mentioned that on a thread once and was told People are just too polite to tell you your clothes smell vile

Ditto the hideous migraine inducing offence of scented candles, air fresheners or dare I say it, Glade plug ins. I remember a poster complaining she had to get off a bus and vomit because someone had sprayed Impulse. Everyone was agreeing that was a normal reaction.

So many things, I swear no one can actually live how some people claim to on here!

There is also apparently a very high proportion of the UK's top earners on Mumsnet if you believe what people claim to earn!

Checking with others that a lot of money is enough to live on. So much money bragging on MN, it's inappropriate.

Just thought of another one; no one ever eats leftovers!

People who wash their bedding and towels every day.

People with an aversion to a loo brush and/or putting bleach down the loo. How the hell do you clean it otherwise?

People who have an opinion on whether you should say pardon, what or sorry.

No one eats frozen pizza on here. They all make their own with dough made in the bread maker and it has to have rocket as a topping. Even if they have just finished working a 12 hour shift.

Everyone having a cleaner.
Everyone living in a massive house with loads of bedrooms and massive garden with massive trampoline for children.
Numerous dogs as pets.
Having a "rental".
Child(ren) at private school.
Younger children having a nanny.

Mumsnet is extremely upper middle class.

Yes to all of these 😂😂😂
The not answering the door one...truly another planet.

@SmileyClare I love fabric softener smells, scented candles, wax melts and air fresheners

You have to live rural or at the very least semi rural to post on MN.