Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

Taking your 17/18 year olds phone off them at night

Hating SUVs everyone on Mumsnet hates the pedestrian killing gas guzzlers but there's loads of them on the roads! Something doesn't add up there.

How much LTB is thrown around for any and every disagreement.

Only on Mumsnet people leave their doors unlocked and then are surprised/outraged when people just wander in I don't know anyone this stupid in RL and I live in a village.

Only on Mumsnet people think marriage is "just a bit of paper" Again, nobody I know in RL is this stupid.

Only on Mumsnet peple get hysterical about fox/mink/badger/cat poo in their garden, totally ignoring the fact their gardens are also covered in bird shit.

REMINDER OF OPS RULES - please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

No, no, no. One does not 'report' things to 101. One 'logs it' with them... presumably before taking advantage of free advice from a solicitor 😂 😂

"block and delete"

Everyone earns over £100k and is a size 6 - 8.

Waaaaah! Where did I go wrong?

Ha shhh Summersun You cannot admit to using air freshener.

The classic mumsnet answer would be "Sorry but your house must smell of vile cloying perfume. I couldn't visit without vomiting. Fling open all your windows and doors for an hour every morning to air your house instead. Even if it's snowing."

I always imagine that's said in a brisk no nonsense headmistress voice.

And the other way round... Competitive underspending. Apparently £50 a week is enough to feed 2 adults, four teenagers, a primary aged child, 2 babies in nappies, a cat, a hamster, and 3 German shepherds. All organic.
(I am not meaning that as dismissive to people on actual low budgets. More the people who want everything for nothing).

Definitely the NC thing. I don’t know anyone who either advises people to cut their family member out of their lives, or has gone NC for the minor reasons usually mentioned here that warrants that response.

Yes to the fabric softener one!
That soooo many people here earn 100k+.
So many don't answer the door.
No-one uses instant gravy.
Having a cleaner.
Tiny amounts of screen time
On the baby names threads everyone is called Sebastian or Rupert
No-ones kids eat oven food

I say all this light heartedly as I know it's not everyone, they just stand out

Also very middle-class privileged people insisting they are working-class with a ‘humble’ background because of the jobs their grandparents or great-grandparents did

How come no-one has come in with LTB yet? It's often the first solution offered to problems.

Forgot to add..
Yes to the everyone being skinny!
And yes to loo brush aversion, everyone I know owns a loo brush! HOW DO YOU CLEAN THE POO OFF OTHERWISE!? 😂

I don't use fabric softener because I'm in a soft water area, but it always smells quite nice to me.

MN does seem to have a bloodhound sense of smell. There are people who swear they are driven to distraction by the "stench" of a scented sanitary towel. You know, one that's being worn, absorbing blood, beneath three layers of clothing on someone several feet away. Then again, I mentioned the other day that I'd be put off buying a house that had a dog smell in it (houses with dogs really do not have to smell) and got accused of being one of the hyper bloodhound people.

People who won't have a crap anywhere except their own home.

People who have really bizarre rules about who should sit where in a car - I.e. it is SO DISRESPECTFUL for a person under 18 not to let an adult sit in the front, even if the under 18 was already in the car.

Oops sorry I broke the rules already, missed that bit!

LTB because he finished all the dinner and didn't leave you any.

We all throw out windows wide open every morning to let the fresh air in whatever the weather.
It makes the house smell clean and fresh so we don't need to use chemicals.
We also always have a vase of seasonal flowers on the dining table. They are the only air freshener we need.
We all put on several jumpers before deciding if we need the heating on.
We enjoy Tony's chocolate.
Occasionally allowed a square of Aldi's own brand.

People not letting their children eat coco pops

People limiting screen time to less than an hour per day

People spending more than £50 a week on groceries for a family of 6 plus pets

People cleaning door frames on the regs

People never buying a car less than 10 years old and costing more than £500

@CookPassBabtridge

Forgot to add.. Yes to the everyone being skinny! And yes to loo brush aversion, everyone I know owns a loo brush! HOW DO YOU CLEAN THE POO OFF OTHERWISE!? 😂

You're supposed to get down on your knees and use a bit of toilet paper to wipe it off.

To be honest, I don't mind doing this for me too much but I really, really don't want to do it after someone else. The brush is fine, you rinse it in the water while it flushes.

Definitely not being allowed to be upset if you have a shit birthday as an adult. Apparently adults who care about their birthday are strange.

The go to response to any poster with money worries Why don't you take in ironing?
This was suggested quite recently to a poster struggling after losing their job along with Why don't you sell your car and get a bike with a trailer for your children? With a link to a bike costing more than most second hand cars!

It seems so out of touch sometimes.

Feeding the entire nation for a year on a whole chicken - just the one.....

Every adult in the family doing their own washing. When my DS us home his washing goes in with ours. He is more than capable if doing his own washing when he's away but surely it's not economical to make him do his laundry separately when he's here.

Earning over £100k
Never, ever doing anything again for your child the moment they turn 18 because they are an adult now
Going NC at the drop of a hat (I understand that there are a huge number of issues that warrant this, normally built up over years)