Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

Fucking Batch cooking
Reporting everything to 101 ( the most mentalist one being rowdy misbehaved children in the street)
Every courier who knocks the door to deliver a parcel is a weird sexual predator if they smile or make conversation.

not answering phonecalls from unknown numbers - only school or healthcare or my mother call from withheld numbers it sems. of course I answer those.

Sorry not lighthearted!

Logging everything with 101

Strangers hearing one sentence about others relationships, and shouting “LEAVE THE BASTARD” 😂

People being able to smell whether a dog has been anywhere within 1 mile of their sensitive noses.

@SmileyClare

I've never encountered the revulsion to fabric softener on here, in real life. I mentioned that on a thread once and was told People are just too polite to tell you your clothes smell vile

Ditto the hideous migraine inducing offence of scented candles, air fresheners or dare I say it, Glade plug ins. I remember a poster complaining she had to get off a bus and vomit because someone had sprayed Impulse. Everyone was agreeing that was a normal reaction.

I love scented things and always use fabric softener. But my mother in law is one of those people. She claims she has ‘super senses’, a much more advanced ability to taste and smell things than us mere mortals, despite smoking about 20 a day .

Only on mumsnet does almost every poster think having a glass of wine or having the odd night out and drinking a bit too much is a massive concern and cause for intervention! No one in my real life is this hysterical over booze.

The advice to head tilt and give a tinkly laugh. It seems such a passive aggressive thing to do and must look pretty weird in real life

Telling people to 'give your head a wobble' or 'why did you have more kids with this man?' As if anyone would ever say this to someone fave to face!

Face to face*

No longer taking foreign holidays because of aviation pollution. Naturally, all your future family holidays will be spent eating organic chick peas in a hemp tent in Wales presumably - yeah right....

No wedding evening guests (much better to not invite some people at all than ask them if they would like to come to the fun party bit

@Greenknees I would say the opposite. Never heard of an evening only invitation until I came on here

The aversion to calling ss. Somehow on mn calling nspcc is morally superior.

Maybe there are mumsnetters out there that regularly give their heads a wobble whilst head tilting and tinkly laughing.

Being snarky about baby groups.

"In our family we only eat chocolate from the local chocolatier"

"Do you think we should buy this multimillion pound house? "

...sure

@carlaCox

"In our family we only eat chocolate from the local chocolatier"

"Do you think we should buy this multimillion pound house? "

...sure

The mansion links are rife just now arnt they

Reporting everything or emailing complaints for every little thing.

Worrying about the environment and the future of the planet whilst booking 4 foreign holidays a year and having the heating cranked to 25 degrees because they've worked hard/deserve something to look forward to and they refuse to be cold but they use bar soap so that's OK.

Incredibly privileged people thinking they're poor because they have no idea what actually being poor means.

@SendHelp30

DC having only 15 mins of screen time per day Being THE.MOST.IMPORTANT.PERSON at work Putting vinegar in your washing machine because it’s better for the environment than fabric conditioner. Okay love, course you do 🖕🏼

I use vinegar. Cheaper and less saccharine smelling.

People getting upset at totally innocuous comments and interactions and calling people rude and mean, when the poster is presumably over 5years okd

Same with the infantile language around food. Yum. Yummy. Scrummy. Lush.

I don't know people IRL that would speak like this

@CosyAcorn

Being shocked and disappointed when women work part time when their children are small. In my real life, my friends have all chosen different work options and no one cares what anybody else does.

Ok yes. You have to work full time because your husband will definitely leave you and you’ll be homeless and poor.

It's the weird extremes I find bizarre.

Thread 1: Is it okay to leave my 11 year old for an hour while I do the shopping? Responses: that's child abuse, what if there's a fire, is he responsible, my 16 year old has only now started to be left alone.

Thread 2: My 18 year old is living at home, has a job and has finished school but I'm not charging him rent because I want him to save.
Responses: He's an adult. He should be cooking, cleaning, shopping and contributing at least 1/3 of all household expenses.

And yy to the alcohol thing. If you read MN, almost no women drink, ever. I only know one woman who doesn't enjoy a drink. That's not to say they're all getting pissed every night, but really!?

Militant man haters.

I don't know how half the mother's on this site became so when they can't stand to be in spitting distance of a man.

Every man is a bastard! Leave him at once! Take his house and his money and never let him see the kids! He raised his voice to you? He's an abuser. Slander him to anyone that cares to listen! Ruin his life and remove his bollocks.

Honestly.

Also earning 100k, living in a five bedroom house with a maid and advising people on UC on how to better manage their finances/feed their kids etc.

Knob off.

Anything that goes anywhere your vagina will give you thrush.

Children who live on only the most healthy foods. Vegetable crudités and hummus as a snack, salad sandwiches only, only drink water and never does sugar pass their lips.

Surely if you use vinegar instead of fabric softener you go round smelling like the local chippy 😂

@BlingLoving

It's the weird extremes I find bizarre.

Thread 1: Is it okay to leave my 11 year old for an hour while I do the shopping? Responses: that's child abuse, what if there's a fire, is he responsible, my 16 year old has only now started to be left alone.

Thread 2: My 18 year old is living at home, has a job and has finished school but I'm not charging him rent because I want him to save.
Responses: He's an adult. He should be cooking, cleaning, shopping and contributing at least 1/3 of all household expenses.

And yy to the alcohol thing. If you read MN, almost no women drink, ever. I only know one woman who doesn't enjoy a drink. That's not to say they're all getting pissed every night, but really!?

I think it’s the known increased breast cancer risk from drinking more than a small amount that worries some of us. It’s higher than the risk from HRT for most women.

That £80k is not a good salary in London because it’s “not enough for private schooling”.

And those who’s children never saw a screen until they were at school, even on in the background. Do people stare at the wall while feeding a baby or during a newborn nap rather than perhaps watch Netflix?