Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

I don’t use fabric softener, and I know a fair few people who don’t either, mostly because of sensitive skin issues.

I haven’t encountered anyone in real life who has reached the dizzying levels of covid hysteria displayed by some posters on here. I remember a thread by a woman who was terribly cross that people were touching her gate, and another one who was seriously considering reporting someone for petting her cat. I mean I’m sure these nutters are real and do exist, but thankfully I haven’t come into contact with any of them.

I would have to pry it from their cold, dead hands

Oh I've thought of more!

Private school fees being an essential cost (so obviously £100k is a shit salary because there's no money left after school fees and the mortgage).

Nobody likes a wedding and its an insult to be invited. Never, ever try to help your guests out by having a gift registry. (I actually got told off by my grandma for being ridiculous and not setting up a gift list because I believed MN back in the day).

Once your child turns 18 you must do nothing for them !

Thinking £80k incomes aren't that high.

Men wanting sex are unreasonable selfish dickheads, women wanting sex are being abused by the selfish dickhead men withholding it from them.

People having the temerity to walk past your house in other than complete silence are encroaching on your absolute right to enjoy peace 24/7.

"I love my dogs as much as my children".

Thinking anyone eating more than a few grains of rice and an olive every few days is Jabba the Hutt in (barely) human form.

Tinkly laughs.

Going NC over very minor things rather than having a conversation same with LTB
You must absolutely never want to celebrate your own birthday or expect a card or any kind of recognition from friends and family if you do you are clearly a child
You must because of any tiny refuse a wedding invitation as it is "not a summons" in real life most people try to juggle any inconvenience with wanting to attend a wedding
Likewise you as a bride must never expect anyone to attend or want to celebrate or invite/not invite children as you will be exceptionally selfish

I actually sympathise with the people who won't answer the door, because I hate unexpected callers. But if we tried that here, some of said unexpected callers would call through the letterbox, come round and look in the living-room window, bang on the living-room window, come round the back, knock on back doors and windows, and if none of that had any effect, would phone to see where we were. And then possibly sit in the car and wait for us. There would come a point where it would be impossible to maintain the fiction that we were not in.

Can someone tell me what the fabric softener is that smells strong? I want to get it!

For the last 7 years I was just using fairy non bio, I started when ds1 was a baby and never changed. Fairy non bio has no smell! In the last month or two I started getting fabric softener but none of them give the strong nice smelling clothes that I want. Where am I going wrong?

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

I don’t use fabric softener because it makes my skin itch. Even the ones meant for sensitive skin. And I find the smell of the washing detergent quite enough.

@Biffsboys

Once your child turns 18 you must do nothing for them !

Or the opposite of that. You should never charge any child rent, even if they are in a full time job earning £30k. This would be child abuse to your early 20's 'child'

I sometimes don't answer the door. Because nobody comes around to see me, and if I'm not expecting a parcel and know it's not the postman, it's going to be some chugger!

And yes, to the loo brush and covid hysteria! Saw one during the first lockdown where someone was worried about being in their back garden (complete with solid 6 foot fence) in case the neighbours were out in theirs, less than 2m away...

I always remember at school or college in a big friendship group there would always be the one person with a ridiculously overbearing parent who everyone else would feel sorry for, then when I look at some of the parenting sections here I realise a lot these parents congregate here

I haven't seen this for a while, but a few years ago it was regular.

Boys demanding to be allowed to go to school wearing dresses.

Cue a load of posters competing to show how progressive they are, and woe betide anyone who points out that they might get a few funny looks and be laughed at, unfairly or not.

Recommending to Leave the "lazy/sexist/abusive/gaslighting" bastard for any minor indiscretion

You should never expect grandparents to help out with any childcare under any circumstances, no matter how rare, or how much free time they have (they've had their kids, look after your own!)

Ditto the hideous migraine inducing offence of scented candles, air fresheners or dare I say it, Glade plug ins. I remember a poster complaining she had to get off a bus and vomit because someone had sprayed Impulse. Everyone was agreeing that was a normal reaction.

Actually spraying Impulse on a bus is bloody antisocial.

Yep that one annoys me too @pistachionuts and then they insist that having money and a privileged lifestyle isn't the same as class it's nonsensical I don't know what they think of those us who are actually working class is low incomes ,non privileged life styles .

Nobody uses a jar sauce unless it's as a terribly guilty secret because they have 100 children and came out of hospital 20 minutes ago, and then accompanied with lots of faces.

I don't know anyone who makes curry from scratch as a weekday meal - sling a jar of Sharwoods on it and it's good!

Ohh yes birthday and weddings! Mustn’t ever celebrate or annoy anything ever!
I love being invited to weddings, relish the chance to have a night off so kid free weddings are a bonus.
Also would be pissed off if I didn’t get birthday cards (and...shock horror...pressie and cake from DH!)

@CounsellorTroi

Ditto the hideous migraine inducing offence of scented candles, air fresheners or dare I say it, Glade plug ins. I remember a poster complaining she had to get off a bus and vomit because someone had sprayed Impulse. Everyone was agreeing that was a normal reaction.

Actually spraying Impulse on a bus is bloody antisocial.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

People feeding starving sporty teenagers with an apple. I once started a lighthearted thread about 15 year old ds2 eating a (small) pizza as an after school snack and announcing he was starving an hour later.

I got loads of horrendous comments about how he will grow up to be obese (he didnt) and how the only acceptable snack is an apple.

Meanwhile IRL. all my friends agree that, yes, teenagers eat them out of house and home

I remember one of the Impulse sprays from my youth (I think it was called Fresco or similar, blue can with pink/purple butterflies on it) and to be fair you couldn’t breathe after spraying that.

I’m sure they are much better nowadays

I find the variation weird and wonderful and I’m sure we all think our way is the best and shake our heads at others (perfectly reasonable) bizarre ways of doing things.

One thing I don’t like on here is that you are seen as weak if you don’t have the same mental health or capacity to cope.
If you only have one child you aren’t allowed to be as tired or busy as those with three.
If you had a toxic relationship in your 20s you aren’t allowed to be as damaged as someone who was beaten and shoved in a cupboard by their ex.

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of consideration for capacity. It is not what has happened to you it is your capacity and mental robustness which matters so much. And we all have different levels of that, and it can vary so much between different stages of our lives.

I hate that because some MNers have robust ability to cope they assume and demand everyone else is the same.

On a lighter note, no I don’t know anyone who uses vinegar instead of softener! I like my clothes to smell of flowers ok.

Being shocked and disappointed when women work part time when their children are small. In my real life, my friends have all chosen different work options and no one cares what anybody else does.

The recommending nc posts, as a poster says above, the grief it causes those experiencing it who are just left devastated in a horrific limbo who cry every day and just don't understand what they have done to deserve it and neither does anyone that knows them so you can never move on.

No wedding evening guests (much better to not invite some people at all than ask them if they would like to come to the fun party bit)