What do you think of women who don't drink socially?

[Username2ElectricBoogaloo]

Be brutally honest!

I'm 49, and have never enjoyed drinking. I hang out with three different social groups of women, and they all drink.

It's easier in lockdown, of course, but with one particular group, in pre-Covid times, I'd lie to get out of drinking, especially at lunchtime. Pretend I'd driven there. Pretend to be on antibiotics. Etc. Because they always demand a reason: "I'm not drinking" isn't enough.

A few days after New Year, I had a zoom with another group, and someone asked who was doing dry January. I was the only one to put my hand up. I explained that I've done dry all-year-round, pretty much - I didn't even drink over Christmas - and there was an uncomfortable silence. Why?

I enjoy my friends' company sober, but they can make me feel like an outcast for not wanting to slur my words, lose my balance, or wake up hung over. I feel socially unacceptable. What do you think?

(Don't tell me I need new friends! I can't dump absolutely everyone I know )

I'd admire you. Alcohol is a big con (and I say that as a drinker!).

I don't think anything whatsoever. There again i'm not a big drinker myself. A couple of my friends are and I tend to decline their invites to meet at a pub for a couple of pints with our kids on a sat afternoon as I'm a light weight and drinking in the day just gives me a headache.

Fwiw when I ask women about their alcohol intake at work, many of them do say they don't drink because they do suffer with hangovers etc and can't tolerate as well as they did when they were younger. I'm finding that myself recently.

I regularly don't drink cos I can't be bothered with everything that goes with it - the hangover, expensive taxis, days to recover etc. It's not a big deal.

I wouldn’t think anything of it if you said you don’t drink, or don’t really drink, or “not today thanks I don’t fancy it”. I would find it a bit strange if you made a different excuse every time.

I rarely drink and I just order what I actually want. If I’m offered alcohol when I don’t want it I say “no thanks”. If people say something like “oh go on it’s on me” I just say I don’t drink. No one questions it, sometimes they say good for you. Maybe it helps that I mostly socialise with people 40+ and they are more likely to know people who’ve had to stop drinking for various reasons? I never ask because the honest answer could well be “I’m an alcoholic”, or “I’m pregnant and haven’t told anyone yet”, or “I’m on medication for ...” - and none of those things are my business!

I don't drink alcohol at all. Stopped in my late 20's and now in my 50's None of my friends seemed to care, I always had fun when we went out, and if at someones house they would just hand me a coke or juice when everyone else had wine. They all knew there was always a designated driver in the bunch, Me.

I don't drink (I have in the past but it doesn't agree with me); why should anyone think anything? You can have a glass of water or a soft drink in a glass and nobody knows any different.

I'd think you were a mature responsible woman who didn't pander to to peer pressure.

I'm not a big drinker and never have been,but I drink in moderation. I grew up with lots of drinking so I don't like being drunk or the drinking culture we have. But i
keep it to myself. The only time it was an issue was in my 20s when I went out with DHs friends who were all big drinkers. I was fairly friendly with the women who also happened to drink very heavily. They would be staggering around town drunk every friday. I didnt care what they did as it was up to them, but not something I wanted to do. They clearly felt uncomfortable as they would call me 'jokey' names and I never quite fitted in. 25 years later not much has changed. They still get so drunk they can barely stand , I still dont drink much. DH is now the teetotal so we dont socialise with them as much anyway but they no longer comment when we do see them now.

Last year an mnetter said that she couldn't trust anyone who didn't drink. That's a very small minded way of looking at the world. Lots of people don't drink for various reasons: health, religious, alcoholic, lifestyle, breastfeeding.

It's your body so your choice what you decide to put in it & it's none of anyone's business. It says more about them than you if they can't last one day without a drink.

Alcohol doesn't really agree with me (ibs) and I dont like the feeling of not being I'm control 100% so I rarely drink socially, I'm happy to be the driver.

If the conversation comes up when sober my friends are fully supportive but if we are out and they start drinking it gets pushed onto me and I hate it. We're all over 30 so dont go out drinking much but if we do my friends make a big thing of drinking loads and staying out until 4am and call me lame for heading home at 11pm. I'm not a boring person and my friends know that but they always drop a few comments once they get drunk.

One friends husband has ibs to and weve talked sober about how bad alcohol makes us feel for days yet when we go out he'll get very drunk and to him the week of ibs flare up is worth it and he cant understand why I dont put myself through it

In answer to your question, I'd never judge someone for not drinking, I'd hope to find you and have a good conversation in amongst all the slobbering messes!