What do you think of women who don't drink socially?

[Username2ElectricBoogaloo]

Be brutally honest!

I'm 49, and have never enjoyed drinking. I hang out with three different social groups of women, and they all drink.

It's easier in lockdown, of course, but with one particular group, in pre-Covid times, I'd lie to get out of drinking, especially at lunchtime. Pretend I'd driven there. Pretend to be on antibiotics. Etc. Because they always demand a reason: "I'm not drinking" isn't enough.

A few days after New Year, I had a zoom with another group, and someone asked who was doing dry January. I was the only one to put my hand up. I explained that I've done dry all-year-round, pretty much - I didn't even drink over Christmas - and there was an uncomfortable silence. Why?

I enjoy my friends' company sober, but they can make me feel like an outcast for not wanting to slur my words, lose my balance, or wake up hung over. I feel socially unacceptable. What do you think?

(Don't tell me I need new friends! I can't dump absolutely everyone I know )

I don’t drink (to get drunk), I don’t see the point. Too much money wasted to make myself feel sick. I don’t think so.
I enjoy a few ciders in the summer and the odd glass of wine now and again at dinner with dp. But I don’t socially drink with friends and never felt the need. Rather spend the money on the kids and pets.

If you want an honest answer, I think that if I'm out and everyone is up for a few drinks, it can feel like a bit of a dampener if one isn't drinking. There's a camaraderie that is lost iyswim. I also need to remember who isn't drinking as I'm likely to be a little less silly if I talk to them one to one during the course of the night. I think sometimes it can make me a little uncomfortable, worrying if they're having a good time, are they bored watching every one else dancing and being overly giggly etc.

Having said all that, I now have a 2 drink limit and my friends will have no problem drinking 6-8 drinks in a night. I'm very good at poking like I'm still drinking when I'm not. I've been known to pour shots down the drain at the bar etc.

I can’t drink because of my medication, I don’t wish to disclose it when I go out or start discussing it with people I don’t really know because it’s no one’s business. If I drink alcohol the side effects of having alcohol with my tablets are blackouts and seizures, so I’d rather not spend my night in A&E because someone thinks I’m a killjoy, boring etc etc.

Looking not poking!

I think it depends on the group of friends. Not for myself - none of mine really care whether you drink or not but we're now all in our 40s and 50s - and I wonder if it would have been a bigger deal when we were younger.

You should just say you don't drink. Quite a few if my friends don't, I think nothing of it!

I have never drunk alcohol. All my friends bar two do.
It has never been a problem.
In normal times, I do a lot of the driving to social events!

I'm in awe of people who don't drink! Certainly no judgement. I love a drink with my friends but I don't think anything of those that don't drink. In fact, I admire how healthy they must be and how much better they will feel in the morning!!

There are worse things to worry about. Some people don't like alcohol. I know only one person of my acquaintance who had a drink problem. The rest drink moderately and not that often either. The drinker (when she drank that much) would be boorish and ultra aggressive. Slightly better sober!!!

I'm in awe of people who don't drink!

Why? It’s not exactly climbing Everest. You could not drink if you wanted to.

Not drinking is a good choice but let’s not get ridiculous about it.

Nothing at all unless a big deal is being made of it for some reason by the person not drinking.

Sometimes I go for quite a while not fancying anything alcoholic and then will have a run of having a glass a night for a few days just because I feel like it. No big deal!

I very, very rarely have more than one or two glasses of wine because I'm a lightweight and don't enjoy feeling actually drunk (or the next morning!) so when someone suggested we share a bottle, I always hope they'll have significantly more than half. For some people this makes me an ideal drinking buddy, I'm sure .

I don't drink at all. Everyone loves me as I can drive. People are surprised but not in a negative way.

I don't think anything, I actually admire their willpower and am grateful in pre Covid times that they offer to drive . I do drink myself & know I drink too much (trying to cut down) but it doesn't make me giggly or slur my words .... not everyone who likes a drink does that.

Exact same as what I’d think about a man that didn’t drink socially - that they either don’t enjoy it or they’re tee total for whatever reason. I rarely drink socially, I don’t enjoy it either. But I also hit alcohol pretty hard in my early 20s and found it really addictive so I tend to steer clear of people that enjoy regular drinking.

Unfortunately if you don’t enjoy drinking yourself you really are better off finding friends that also don’t enjoy drinking. It’s not on for anyone to make you feel like an outcast for disliking alcohol. And it’s absolutely ok to not want to make a tit of yourself like every other drunk person around!

Do you need to find new friends? Nobody should be judging you for choosing not to drink. I'm not a drinker, I'll have one if somebody puts a glass of wine in my hand, but it's not important to me.

I guess it was the explanation of not drinking all year that caused the silence?

I don't drink much & so perhaps find it hard to grasp how giving up for a month seems to be such a thing.

Drink, don't drink, somewhere in between-why is it such a big deal?

If someone wants one or two & someone else wants to get pissed-why do they want he other person to get pissed with them?

Make your decisions & let other people make theirs!

I’m the same. Maybe a glass of wine at Christmas or special occasion’s but honestly I could do without it. My friends don’t care either way, but then at our age we’re not exactly out on the lash anymore anyway! Probably when we were younger they did question it a bit as going out usually involved alcohol. Not an issue now though.

Tbh, I wouldn't judge a non-drinker, but I'd be afraid she was judging me. I'd also be a bit envious. That said, I didn't drink for about a year and although I got some teasing from my good friends, it wasn't really a problem at all.

I don't need to be a non-drinker - I can judge people on all sorts of things anyway!

I wouldn't even notice.

I alarmingly self absorbed.

And also likely to turn up already half cut so I wouldn't notice if you had two heads, let alone what you were drinking

Yes I agree with those who say o feel non drinkers may judge me! My SiL doesn't drink and I always feel judged by her! But that could be for a whole host of reasons

I have friends, male and female, who don't drink.
It's never an issue and no one I know of judges them for it.
They are non drinkers for a range of reasons, including medical reasons.

The only time it would ever be an issue is if the non drinkers were judgemental over the drinkers, like some of the comments from the non drinkers on this thread. Now that would be annoying and I can see why people might be somewhat annoyed or frustrated by it.

I drink a lot (probably a bit too much) and I wouldn't think twice about someone not drinking, especially in a group. If you told me you had driven there then that would have been end of conversation for me, I feel bad that you have to lie about it tbf.

Absolutely fine by me, in fact it would probably encourage me not to drink too.
I wouldn't care whatsoever, as long as I wasn't being lectured if I did fancy a drink myself.
I'd prefer a non drinker to mates who wanted to get hammered. I really don't enjoy that.

Drinking in a group is about a shared relaxation of boundaries. That's why it makes people feel awkward if you aren't joining in.

In my experience there are a) social events that are mainly about drinking (post work drinks in the pub - often but not always male dominated); b) social events where people are drinking but it's not primarily about that (dinner party); c) social events where some people might be drinking but the atmosphere is non-drunken (beer garden with kids).

In my experience it is only really in case (a) where people would feel uncomfortable with a non-drinker, even though the drunkest individuals are usually found at dinner parties. It's like everyone else is in a hot tub in their bikinis and you are dressed from head to toe.