What do you think of women who don't drink socially?

[Username2ElectricBoogaloo]

Be brutally honest!

I'm 49, and have never enjoyed drinking. I hang out with three different social groups of women, and they all drink.

It's easier in lockdown, of course, but with one particular group, in pre-Covid times, I'd lie to get out of drinking, especially at lunchtime. Pretend I'd driven there. Pretend to be on antibiotics. Etc. Because they always demand a reason: "I'm not drinking" isn't enough.

A few days after New Year, I had a zoom with another group, and someone asked who was doing dry January. I was the only one to put my hand up. I explained that I've done dry all-year-round, pretty much - I didn't even drink over Christmas - and there was an uncomfortable silence. Why?

I enjoy my friends' company sober, but they can make me feel like an outcast for not wanting to slur my words, lose my balance, or wake up hung over. I feel socially unacceptable. What do you think?

(Don't tell me I need new friends! I can't dump absolutely everyone I know )

Why would I care? Unless you're lecturing me on drinking etc, how does it affect me?

I did college in my 20s and there were four of us who were quite close. Two of us drank, two didn't. Wed go to the pub and get a bottle of wine that would turn into two for us 2 , one would have squash, one hot lemon. We enjoyed each others company so no one cared

Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not taking. It’s odd.

I wouldn’t think anything of it. I know lots of people who are teetotal

@Username2ElectricBoogaloo

I wish I'd written my original post differently.

I don't never-ever drink. I drink socially, as little as I can get away with, because I'm often made to feel I have to, and there are only so many times I can excuse myself from it. I just really don't enjoy it.

Honestly you just need to learn to assert yourself.

Want a drink Electric?
Oh I'll have a Coke please?
What's going on it? Vodka? Tia Maria? Brandy?
Just coke thanks
Why? What's wrong with you? Why won't you get drunk?
I'm just not keen on the taste, shall i pour it myself?

On repeat. And frankly if they're going to try and built or coerce you, you need new friends

They don't sound like very supportive friends! Good friends would respect it - and potentially be pleased to have a designated driver!!

I find a lot of people can be suspicious as it makes them consider how much alcohol they drink and they might worry you judge them. That's about them though, and is their insecurity, not yours.

I do love a drink so did pre Corona go tonge pub alot and always have wine when out so it wouldn't always be fun for non drinking friends. I would rather go to the pub with a drinker tbh as I absolutely know how annoying drunk people are when you are sober and hate being reminded of stupid behaviour but I also love loads of non drinking activities

@sararh

To be fair I’m always up dancing on the tables or chatting to random people in bars anyway, to the point that most people are surprised that Im not drinking

I don't think about them.

I don't drink...

My kind of people!

I don’t drink very often. I find people are quite annoyed and angry about it, they accuse me of trying to shame them, not liking them, not being up to have fun, stopping them from drinking. Or spend a long time telling me about how they don’t usually drink / have been meaning to cut back themselves. Or even they assume I am a recovering alcoholic. Or pregnant.
The conversation ends up being all about how I am not drinking, and it becomes a ‘thing’

I don’t bring it up, I just order my drink (as quietly as possible) and try to get on with things. I’ve regularly lied and pretended there’s alcohol in my soft drink.

I don’t know why people are so invested!

But equally I do hate hearing people go on about dry January or how they’re cutting back, or act very virtuous because they don’t drink, it’s so dull.

Not fussed either way. People can do what they like. I won't even try to take advantage of the sober folk as drivers.

I don't get the 'feeling judged by the sober people' thing at all, but I don't generally get very smashed anyway - happy bouncy dancy rather than falling over, for preference. I find I can't keep up the dancy as long when I'm sober, so I'm always impressed if I find someone who can.

Mind you, during lockdown it's really the other way around. With all this talk of 'dry January' me and DP are actually making a concerted effort to get through the rest of the case of wine I bought for Christmas... we're both only social drinkers, and being social with each other doesn't need it. Which is pleasantly cheap :)

What a very strange group of friends you have.

I have never encountered this. It’s incredible that it’s everybody you know.

I have friends who don’t drink, fine. But they’ll come with us to a busy pub with seats in demand and ask us to get tap water from the bar, or just sit with nothing. That’s rude

"You are a dull boring killjoy who doesn't know how to have a laugh"

Except I think nothing of the sort, don't drink myself, and I'm merely repeating what the presumably drunken trolls assume about me, if I post anywhere not fully agreeing it is essential to keep pubs open all the time and with public subsidy. They think that, because for them the words 'social life' cannot mean anything other than getting extremely drunk in proximity with others.

Hi Op
I hardly drink Alcohol!
I can really understand how you feel !

Its being with the right good Company makes a Good time not the Alcholic drinks.! 😕

The Good News is,
I used to every so often go to an alternative cinema place see thought Provoking /unasual films!

The woman who ran the cinema/Bar/Art gallery place told me being the way I am about Alcoholic drinks !
Is increasing becoming popular and fashionable even in places like London.!
So popular it is Now,this woman running this Alternative Arts place venue was thinking going to buy in Low/non Alcholic Botanical drinks into her place.

Op
Haven't you noticed peoples drinking tastes have changed
Look how many Low alcoholic/non Alcoholic drinks are available now
Compared to a few years ago..

Think of variety choice of these kinds of Alcoholic drinks in supermarkets chains such botanical range of Low Alcoholic drinks etc on offer.!

Hi Op

What's really off Putting is the people like my shit Arsehole ex partner and his female friend both Alcoholics who acctract Toxic Dramas Like Flies are Accracted To horse shit !

People like my ex partner and his female friends used to love creating DestructiveToxic DramasDramas
like this !

Certain people create Real life Dramas like this like Jeremy mkayrL TV shows ..

I'm teetotal. Most people think it's cool. 20 years ago there would have been pressure but now in my mid 40s I'm comfortable with that as are my friends. I do have different friends now than 20 years ago though.

I know loads of people who don't drink, mostly for religious reasons. As long as they don't demand that no one else drinks either (although sadly some of them do) no one even gives it a second thought. I'm older now but even when I was 18 or 20 no one ever mentioned being made to feel uncomfortable because they didn't drink. I'm always really shocked by these threads, it's like a different world.

I was the only one to put my hand up. I explained that I've done dry all-year-round, pretty much - I didn't even drink over Christmas

That comes across a bit smug, especially for someone who accepts drinks they don't actually want just to avoid the attention. Dry January is for people who want to take a break from drinking and I agree that it's a bit worrying that people drink so much that they need to take a month off for their health, but it's nothing to do with me how much other people drink so I don't get involved.

Me too OP.

Can I be your friend?

I'm 24, teetotal, and I'm sick of (pre covid) constantly trying to be enticed to drink, and I don't even go out clubbing anymore as I am a single parent but even so, I'm still encouraged to drink.

Why? It tastes gross. I don't understand it.

I don't drink alcohol because it tastes horrible to me also one drink and I conk out. More than one drink and I am sick all the next day.

I just say it doesn't agree with me.

Also, I have had breast cancer and taking alcohol isn't recommended for me.

OP I don’t really drink and despite what people say there is a lot of judgement. People don’t like it when others don’t drink. I’ve had loads of people try and push me into having a drink, fuck knows why. Maybe I’m boring! 😂

I don’t drink at all, haven’t for at least the last say fifteen years. I was never a big drinker anyway. I don’t care if others drink as long as it doesn’t adversely affect me. It does seem that non drinkers are the minority though.

Nothing at all - I rarely drink myself, in fact hardly ever.

To be fair I’m always up dancing on the tables or chatting to random people in bars anyway, to the point that most people are surprised that Im not drinking

You are definitely the exception that proves the rule!

@sararh - I 100% get you, and agree with every word you’ve written.