What do you think of women who don't drink socially?

[Username2ElectricBoogaloo]

Be brutally honest!

I'm 49, and have never enjoyed drinking. I hang out with three different social groups of women, and they all drink.

It's easier in lockdown, of course, but with one particular group, in pre-Covid times, I'd lie to get out of drinking, especially at lunchtime. Pretend I'd driven there. Pretend to be on antibiotics. Etc. Because they always demand a reason: "I'm not drinking" isn't enough.

A few days after New Year, I had a zoom with another group, and someone asked who was doing dry January. I was the only one to put my hand up. I explained that I've done dry all-year-round, pretty much - I didn't even drink over Christmas - and there was an uncomfortable silence. Why?

I enjoy my friends' company sober, but they can make me feel like an outcast for not wanting to slur my words, lose my balance, or wake up hung over. I feel socially unacceptable. What do you think?

(Don't tell me I need new friends! I can't dump absolutely everyone I know )

I don't drink much alcohol, maybe 1-2 units a year. I'm not much help to you as I don't have female friends round here to go out with, but on social occasions with my husband, I always ask for a soft drink, and it's never been a problem. My brother in law used to joke about the arrangement he had with my sister in law, who hardly ever drank alcohol, "We share the driving....I drive there, she drives back."
If you buy your own drinks when you're out, it's easy, Tonic water with ice and lemon, and people will assume it's gin!

I don't drink much, maybe one glass of Prosecco and that's it. My friends find it quite amusing and people who don't know me, seem to assume I'd be a total lush! 😶

I dont give it a second thought if someones not drinking. I dont go out v much but I can probably count the times I've drunk at lunch time on one hand. (The group I occassionally go out with where some might be lunchtime drinking live in the next town, so I usually have driven there)
A good friend of mine is allergic to alcohol and has never drunk at any time of day and it's a complete non issue.
In non covid times I do go out sometimes but I've never felt any pressure to drink.

I hardly drink either. Can’t handle the hangovers! Not worth it!

I’d be relieved to have another non-drinker in the midst!

It makes no difference to me.

From your post though, I wonder if your friends reactions are because they feel you’re judging them?

@Username2ElectricBoogaloo I could be you, apart from a few nights a year ( although less in 2020) when I do have a drink. But when I do drink my alcohol tolerance is that awful, that 2 drinks and I'm literally drunk. I don't like the feeling of being out of control which drinking is.

However my friends don't pressure me to drink more, a couple are similar to me and often we'll have one or two not drinking on a night out in one group of friends.

Old university friends however, insist I drink and I find those times excrutiating. Quite often I'll have non alcoholic g&t then it looks more like a drink and I get less comments then if I'm drinking a soft drink.

But I don't really get the undo pressure, I think its because they feel you must be missing out.

I tried to do ‘wet January’ and have failed miserably 😂
It was harder than I thought!

I dont drink at all, I had a glass of wine Christmas day 2015 and can't remember the time before that. If anyone judges you for not drinking alcohol it says more about them than you IMO.

I’m the same OP, never had any interest in drinking.

Sorry about your friends, it’s very rude to judge others like this.

I haven’t drunk for years, I don’t like the feeling of not being in control, I just tell people I don’t drink and it seems to be accepted.

I don't care. As in, if someone chooses not to drink alcohol, that's fine.
However if during the course of our time together they constantly go on about not drinking and why, I would find that tedious.
Equally if during the course of the 'session' someone drank with the intent to become incredibly drunk (and did so every time we met), I would find that tedious.

I think 'Great, I'm not the only one'

I'm the same, I would usually class myself as tee total but I may have enjoyed a hot Chocolate with a drop of baileys on Christmas Day

I don't really care what people think of me, I've never been a drinker, tried a little late teens/early 20's and just didn't find the love for it. I think had DS in my early 20's so having a break whilst pregnant/BF made me not interested in going back! I'm now 40 and can't see me ever being one to drink.

I'm teetotal because I take drugs for a medical condition and don't want to destroy my liver completely.
It is awkward, people are always pressing drinks on to me, I can't be asked to explain any more so usually just empty them into a plant as some people just won't take no for an answer.

Me too, I did my drinking when I was younger, I don't want to drink to get drunk anymore.
In my circle I'm label as boring and a bit of a party pooper.
When I have let my hair down in the past and had one too many I've been embarrassed afterwards as its unusual for me to be drunk it's talked about and I'm made fun of.
It's not a safe place for me

I've been in this situation before - I stopped drinking for a few years in my 20s as my tolerance and judgement about when to stop were rubbish and I am a colossal twat when drunk.
I was working in a very sociable company (sales environment) where drinking felt almost mandatory and on more than one occasion colleagues refused to buy me a diet coke and brought me drinks with alcohol in instead because I was being 'boring'. I did reluctantly go back to drinking because I was genuinely worried that my promotion prospects were being hampered by not getting drunk with management.
Now I've left, I haven't had a drink for five years except for an occasional small glass of wine with DH, and I do not miss the hangovers one bit!

I don't drink either.
I have one glass of champagne on Christmas day and that's it. Even on hols where its all inclusive I stick to water or maybe a soft drink if I'm feeling brave.
Used to drink when younger but now I hate feeling out of control so never touch it now.
It's never been a problem really.
On rare nights out pre covid I'd stick to water with ice and lemon - it then looks like a 'proper' drink and avoids any questioning.

Lots of people don't drink now!

I started a new job last year and the conversation on my first day was all about the last night out they had and how drunk they all were. There was a lot of laughter and I felt too embarrassed to say I don't drink. In my last job a colleague really had a go at me for not drinking on a night out, saying I looked like an idiot walking round with my diet coke. I think I need to put my big girl pants on and assert myself, but it is tricky. With lockdown I haven't been out with my new work mates yet but I am dreading it.

I would be honest and say I don’t drink. Yes you may get a few raised eyebrows to start. Your friends may well ask why so just explain. I haven’t drunk for around 5 years now. My friends are impressed and just get me a soft drink.

I don’t drink at all, my friends just don’t care. They’re used to it.

I rarely drink. Im 35 and I've discovered I don't like the feeling of being drunk anymore so its only on a rare occasion I will have a few..

I'm 37 and have never enjoyed drinking. I used to try to keep up with my friends as a teen and always ended up so Ill. I haven't had a drink now for about 10 years and don't miss it one bit. My friends are used to me but o do find that I have to explain myself a little , every been accused of being a recovering alcoholic at times. But as a general rule people are fine and don't give it another thought.

Those who don't drink alcohol I treat no differently from those who do (as long as those who do are doing so in moderation and not drink driving).

I don't drink at home except with Christmas Day lunch so Covid 19 means a dry January for me.

OP - sorry, haven't read the full thread (am at work so should be working ). You could almost be describing me. 48, don't drink but wouldn't say I'm teetotal. Have been that way since I was 21 due to the fact that I don't like the being out of control drunk thing or the hangover the day after. Own it, say it, it's your friend's problem not yours. Have the occasional glass of something if you fancy it, don't if you don't. If anybody asks me when I go out, I just say I don't like being hungover and I love being the only sober person that can remember everything...

I wouldn’t think anything of it. I hate people who make you feel like not drinking is weird - it’s a perfectly normal choice and you don’t need to justify it!