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Original poster

Are today's kids 'spoilt' by their entertainer parents?

143 replies

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 17/01/2021 23:38

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 17/01/2021 23:42

Because fewer of them have siblings and it’s conditioned into them that they don’t just go play with some neighbourhood kid they don’t know so their friend pool is smaller.

MoodyMarshall · 17/01/2021 23:43

They're not spoilt, they're just chronically unable to amuse themselves Grin

DS2's nursery teacher said that the children with entertainer parents (like you describe) always needed to be told what to do, and couldn't direct their own play.

sneakysnoopysniper · 17/01/2021 23:44

I grew up in the 1950s when parents rarely did these kinds of things.

There were no indulgences like play dates, before and after school clubs and so on. Children's activities were much more informal and often organised around friendship groups and street games. Indoors we made our own entertainment with reading, puzzles, board games and so on.

Children today are wrapped up in cotton wool by their parents and handed life on a plate. Then they get into the real world with their air of entitlement and the little princes and princesses get a rude awakening.

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Stompythedinosaur · 17/01/2021 23:45

I think it woukd be much weirder to have dc and not to want to spend time with them - I like my dc! Doing things that bring them pleasure gives me great pleasure.

Apart from that - it is good for developing brains to be stimulated. I don't think the parenting of the 70s and 80s is really something most of us want to emulate.

Foghead · 17/01/2021 23:45

There is an inbetween as well.
We organise some activities and leave them to amuse themselves at other times.
I think many of us are probably like that.

Broadbeanssleeping · 17/01/2021 23:45

Children are no longer allowed to play out. I think it makes a big difference.

AJ297 · 17/01/2021 23:47

I am relieved to see this. I often feel guilty seeing friends on facebooks making fairy houses with all natural materials and then baking cookies and then film time etc etc. I play with my kids, but sometimes I leave them to it. I feel horrendous for it, I feel like I'm failing somehow. But I don't have the time or the energy (or the imagination) to entertain them 24/7. I don't remember playing with my mum much as a child, and I always felt loved and cared for. I take comfort in that when I feel bad for not amusing them all day every day.

LouiseTrees · 17/01/2021 23:47

@Foghead

There is an inbetween as well. We organise some activities and leave them to amuse themselves at other times. I think many of us are probably like that.
Bingo! I am anyway and I feel my daughter is way more advanced because she has had a fair bit of independent play but I still get the joy of playing with her now and then.
purpleme12 · 17/01/2021 23:47

There's one family next door
I am quite happy to let my child play for hours with children on the street/in ours and their houses.
I find other families don't let them play as much (not as much as I would) No idea why

There was one family who used to play all day with my child. It could be annoying sometimes but it was also really good cos she had company. So sad that they moved away

My child is so happy with other children

She has never got the hang of playing by herself. Such a struggle now When I'm working and she's here

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 17/01/2021 23:48

I think reading and singing to a small child is kind of a minimum standard for parenting, to be honest. It's bonkers to say reading to a kid spoils them. My DM read me a bedtime story every night until I got into chapter books and I'm a glimmer.

There is something about the endless whirl of activities that I find odd (and didn't do with my own DC) but I think a lot of it is to do with DCs not getting to go out and free-roam as much as they did.

MindGrapes · 17/01/2021 23:50

What do you mean, you're "reading about parents entertaining their children"? In what context, the newspaper? Which parents are stressed out by singing to their kids? What an odd OP!?

I can point you to some reports of children who've had shit childhoods, if you'd prefer to spend your reading time on those instead?

I grew up in the 1950s when parents rarely did these kinds of things.

ah yes, parents notoriously never read or sang to their kids before the 80s.

Cam2020 · 17/01/2021 23:50

My parents played with me and I was born in the 80s!

nimbuscloud · 17/01/2021 23:50

They're not spoilt, they're just chronically unable to amuse themselves

Probably because a lot of them are given screens as toddlers and have no idea how to play

MonkeyPuddle · 17/01/2021 23:50

Kids that play out round here get moaned about on the local Facebook page (pre covid restrictions obvs), even if there’s just a group of them in the park. They can’t win.
I really don’t think reading, playing and doing crafts with your kids is spoiling them. I’m all for independent play and for them to be a bit bored sometimes, but spending time with your kids and engaging with them is pretty central to building a good parent/child relationship.

Diverseduvet · 17/01/2021 23:51

Theres a different between entertaining and helping them develop skills, which is what I'd class reading, crafts and singing as. The idea being as they become more independent they are able to amuse themselves, because they have a strong foundation. Of course people should read, sing and play games with their children! How ridiculous to suggest parents in the past never did these things.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 17/01/2021 23:51

In the good old days you turfed your kids out to play on the street until dark. If parents wanted a drink they would drive to the pub and leave the kids outside in the car with a packet of golden wonder to share. Since then there has been huge increase in traffic, rolling news, increased perception of stranger danger and more expensive housing meaning both parents now work. Changes happen. Bitching about parents and kids now days doesn’t make you any more enlightened.

Sitt · 17/01/2021 23:52

Are you writing an article?

I doubt everyone is doing it, it’s just inevitable that the people who are are going to be more obvious than the ones who aren’t.

Why do you care though? Are your children clamouring for you to entertain them like their friends’ parents or something?

Kottbullar · 17/01/2021 23:52

I grew up in the 80's and my parents did all those things for me and mY sister.
We played out daily as well but they did a lot with us. I don't think we were spoilt.
To me those are the best bits of parenting, the times that make the crappy stages bearable.

I do think it's important that children are allowed to do nothing and be bored sometimes though.

Lazypuppy · 17/01/2021 23:53

OP 100%! My nephew is 7 and actually incapable of playing on his own, his dsd has always played with/entertained/trips out etc. Irony is he gets bought sooo much and xmas and birthday and never uses it 🤦‍♀️

Alb1 · 17/01/2021 23:54

I don’t understand what’s wrong with reading to your children, or how that could make them spoilt. I do all of those things with my children, it’s just bear basic parenting, but I do also expect them to entertain themselves when I’m busy and they also play with friends/go to after school club. It’s a middle ground. I’m sure parents from all decades have spent time reading, singing and crafting with their own offspring.

Sitt · 17/01/2021 23:55

I love the idea of after school clubs as an indulgence Grin

It’s kind of frowned upon these days to let primary aged children wander the streets until their parents finish work

Oh OF COURSE it’s all those mothers working who are causing the problem. Now we’re in familiar territory

SinisterBumFacedCat · 17/01/2021 23:56

Btw i grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and all we heard was how tv would ruin us. In the Victorian times girls were discouraged from reading because it would stop them from finding a husband. I can go back to Aristotle if you like.

MindGrapes · 17/01/2021 23:56

How sad to be seven years old and be judged to be 'incapable' of something.
And the idea that reading books to kids or playing with them somehow impedes their imaginative play... I can't see any logic there, sorry.

notangelinajolie · 17/01/2021 23:58

OP in answer to your question.
Yes.

Lazypuppy · 18/01/2021 00:00

Mindgrapes i think its sad my BIL has done this to my nephew. He is incapable of it because he has never had to do, never been taught how to entertain himself. He wint even play the playstation on his own, easy single person activity.

Lots of parents i know have a goid mixture of pkaying with and leaving to their own imagination, but i also know a lot who do too much, and then moan their kids don't leave them alone