Are today's kids 'spoilt' by their entertainer parents?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

Interesting topic and something I wonder about too, it was normal in the 80-90s for many more mums to be at home so more kids played out and kids see kids they want to play out too, simple as that, they then develop their own more indoendent play from there. I work part time but rarely every see many kids out, a shame as I do think it's very healthy that they are able from a suitable age to start venturing out. I was born in 84, I started to play out from about age 7-8, I found just 1 girl locally who became my best friend, both our parents were sahm, we stayed between our streets and each others houses for the first couple yrs then ventured to neighbouring streets etc as we got older and as you start high school and walk a further distance you meet new friends along the way and I formed a huge friendship group I spent most half terms, wknds and evenings with. Prior to the high school age thouhh I don't see many kids out! I can't tell you the amount of running and imaginative play I did and how I look back on those days as being tbh some of the best of my life, the idea of my child being unable to do the same or similar from age 7-12 honestly makes me a bit sad. I have driven to nearby estates to see if there are more kids out than there are where I am but I never see any. We played out on bikes, skates, roller blades, played football, water guns, chase and Kirby for hrs! Sat on the grass playing with dolls, making daisy chains, talking, walking to the field searching for caterpillars etc - do kids between those ages jjsy not do this sort of thing anymore??

We do a lot for our child, she is only 3 so I have time to find a new area if needed but I think from that age 8 plus they need to start interacting with children around the same age, I think it's healthy for confidence, independence and them getting to know themselves and who they really are. It's also healthy to not be constantly in the house all wk and to have a break from eachother occasionally. It's harder if you've both got to work full time and if your also part time then being a sahp but I do hope people will where they can on wknds and half terms try to let them play out more, there is a fine balance, we don't want them aimlessly roaming the streets all of the time nor do we want to be constantly entertaining them either, a good split though sounds like a perfect balance

My parents were born in the 1930s and I was born in the late 60s. They played with us, sang to us, cooked and baked with us. On holidays Dad would do these complex treasure hunts on the beach with clues etc. Every saturday morning my dad packed all the neighbourhood kids into our tiny car and drove us to the playground/park. They were the exact same with their grandkids. I was probably more hands-off than my parents were tbh They were just the best and they did it because they loved it. When they were grandparents they told me the happiest days of their lives were when we were little.

I also played out a lot and played independently.

My mum and dad came to stay with me when I had my first baby. The only piece of advice my mum gave me was "just talk and sing to them all the time" She was right.

Obv there are more clubs also now than there was too and perhaps they tend to do this sort
Of thing more nowadays and I'm Yet to realise this but some unstructured down time play is also very healthy

Not safe for kids to do that where I live. Older teens steal their bikes, etc.

@Pallisers that's lovely your parents sound so fab!! I'll remember that also about singing and talking, mine talks a lot tbh 😂 x x

@Beezknees it was a bit like this where I grew up also, but there was usually an older kid we knew that they were scared of that grabbed it back, it's situational I think too, if they can play at that younger more vulnerable age some place close to the home it's easier for parents to keep a look out occ but not every family is situated in such places. We're on a busy road atm with Amazon drivers flying up n down so it's not ideal for her to play out front, cul d sacs work quite well and def considering moving to one in the near future!

Interesting thread, I might spend some time reading it properly. I always had a theory that parents from the late nineties onwards made a bigger shift from what was done in previous generations of parents because they had both the means and the motivation, something lacking in their parents and grandparents. they either liked being cared for and entertained in childhood and copied that or disliked being ignored and worked against that. The parents working against a poor experience in childhood were more likely to overcorrect. I noticed a lot when parenting my DC that I was basing a lot of decisions on what I liked/disliked in my childhood and made conscious choices to optimise the experience for my child. Fortunately i was also lazy and liked to encourage independent play as well!

Ultimately most of us are just trying our best though? We will fuck our children up in some way though, it comes with the territory.

@NC499 totally agree! I did dislike being in the house with my mother as she jjsy didn't know how to play with us so I found an entirely differnt life outside of the home and found I loved the freedom but I had no memory of her ever taking us to the park or anywhere but we were quite poor. I take my child anywhere I can because I have the means but it would be nice occ I think some wknds as she gets older to be able to do things herself and not from a teenager perhaps a little younger. I don't think there's any rules to how any of it turns out providing we try to maintain safe play, that we do interact with them particularly only children and we just try and have a balance with it all and perhaps let them do the things they enjoy most a bit more often. We can't get it all right inevitably wlel mess up somewhere but we can only try our best. Do find this thread interesting though

I'm really glad you posted this because honestly I've felt terrible this summer about not adequately entertaining my 7 yo while I'm trying to work from home. I realised though that my parents never entertained me during the school holidays and my mum was a stay at home parent to the 4 of us! I bought a ton of craft stuff for her, set up a table in my bedroom and she was left to either watch telly up there or create something from the box of supplies. I do remember being out playing with friends a lot when I was a kid which isn't such an option now. While I would happily let her play out in the street (quiet cul de sac with a park adjacent to the lounge window which I work next to) the other kids on our street do not play outside without adult supervision.

@mistymoo555

I’m a few years older but agree with your posts. I “played out” with my friends for hours from a fairly young age. I called on them to play out and their parents said yes/no. We were in each other’s gardens, the street or v nearby fields. Occasionally indoors. Neighbours all knew us and if we were being a nuisance we’d hear about it; none of this passive aggressive malarkey with a note through the parents letterbox or posting AIBU online. You were told off, you stopped and that was that - it was over. Not everything in yesteryears was amazing but a bit of community parenting is fine in my book. Nowadays parents are so concerned everyone is a paedophile or abusing their position of authority with children or it’s not safe with traffic or insert lots of other reasons. So instead educate around the risk as the alternative is a group of children reliant on parents for entertainment, or planned excursions to clubs or glued to a device.

I still did lots of quality time with my parents, but they had stuff to do and I just wanted to play with my friends too. there’s a lot of play hours in the day when you’re younger.

I’m encouraging my daughter to call on her friend on the street now and ask if they want to play instead of me doing all the play dates. Parents are happier if it’s in our garden or house which is fine with me. Teaches DD some independence and that maybe the answer will be no as well.

🤣

I was a child in the seventies and my parents read to me every day, sang to me at bedtime, did endless crafts with me, planned fun games for parties.

None of that has changed. If you didn’t get any of those things, then that’s between you and your parents OP.

I have two children close in age. My eldest loves time to herself and just gets on with it very well. The youngest is clingy. He just won’t entertain himself for very long at all. It’s very hard work as all I hear from him is “Mum. Mum. Mum” all day long or he will pester his sister. He wants constant interaction.

Both parented pretty much the same 🤷‍♀️

I do play with dcs sometimes however if i had to wfh for 8 hours and sometimes do they entertain themselves trash the place but generally will play cars, barbies, lego etc. Age 4 and 2. Im in the room.

My son will play happily AFTER I've given him about 15 minutes of focussed attention. He needs something from us; I'm happy to give it.

@Disneydatknee88 I don't quite undertand where it all changed, I think there is this impression that there is just so many strange people about but there was this fear the same when I was a child and tbh services wouldn't have been as good then as they are now plus I can vouch from my own personal exp I never exp anything untoward and I came from what was considered a poorer area that wasn't as safe as other neighbourhoods but kids played together and left alone unless we were not behaving someone would tell you but we were good kids so left alone. We had to be in at a sensible time of course and we told parents where we were up until such time kids get older. I may be totally missing something obv here or we have become too worried. I was a very active child and would have struggled to sit in all day with just toys, from age 7+ I needed to be out running and playing physically as did a lot of other children. I recall doing a lot of craft type things prior to age 7 along with painting and colouring at home but by 7-8 I'd moved passed this and wanted to develop social skills and interaction, I spent many hrs outside climbing trees, making bases in local park where we'd all meet up, taking our stereo out with us and listening to music, as I got a little older venturing to the local park and playing on the swings walking often to the local shops for sweets and pop. My sister who was born 5 yrs after me was born in to the electronic era with games consoles, she was a totally different character to me we were raised exactly the same but she never wanted to play out on bikes or physically and spent her entire childhood indoors, she liked to play with paper, craft stuff a lot but her social skills were awful, she had very few friends at school & was s bit of a loner and had issues with kids but this was her as a character she just didn't strive for social interaction, mum never encouraged her to try and make social connections and she spent much time off school, this hasn't helped her in all
Honesty. I think it totally depends on the personality of the child, we are not all able to sit indoors for hours creating, some do not want the opposite, it's perhaps difficult as a parent to know what to do. For me I just want to provide whatever my child needs of either and if she needs to be out from age 7 then I will allow that and will help her to find friends locally to play with. My child is 3 and needs constant interaction but we think this is perhaps due to fact DH works FT I work 3 days she's spent 3-4 days in a nursery setting with structured activities all day, she is totally unable to do anything alone, even if we start her off for 15-20 mins she loses interest and wants us to play with her, this maybe nursery or it may be her character also, I suspect both as I was able to be left to it as a child but she cannot. It's never straight forward but being aware of these things is a start and you can only do what you think is right at the time but I think allowing independence from that middle age is a good thing as long as it's carefully monitored

@HouseOfGuineas

So so many play hours, it makes me sad to think that some are not getting fully the fun out of their childhood as they could be, you are only a child once and tbh it was the only time in my life where I was just physically out and free to do whatever I wanted until I got older and things change. Where I am currently I see some kids out but mostly boys, I think boys do physically crave more outdoor play and interaction but so do some girls who are more tomboys like I was, where I lived I had just one girl friend and the rest were boys but we all played together fine u til we got older and ventured to find school friends in nearby areas, which is when you start forming a life outside of school of your own and close friendships which you carry forward.

I think people are very very concerned more so it appears about strange people about but this was the same when I was a chilr( I saw many more strange characters around back then than I do now tbh and I didn't personally have any issues of course they exist but I don't expect to kick her out all day but if I have a measure of her being fairly sensible and I know where she is and she comes back when I say then I will allow more freedom if that is what she wants because that makes her happy

Hope to see more kids out playing together in the future, all of this being indoors glued to devices is fine but not all the time, physically it's terrible for them, they need to run occasionally and be kids too x

Depends on the parents and their approach but I think with new tecnhologies we all fail to entertain themselves a bit? The major part of entertainment is now focused around gadgets, no wonder children and teens spend time on social media or play with various apps. My niece had this phase when she would play with Photodiva for hours applying different hair colors and digital makeup to photos, and this is not actually a game software, yet she found it entertaining. The whole definition of fun is a bit different now, so I'm not sure children are really spoiled. It's just done differently.