Are today's kids 'spoilt' by their entertainer parents?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

@Lazypuppy

Mindgrapes i think its sad my BIL has done this to my nephew. He is incapable of it because he has never had to do, never been taught how to entertain himself. He wint even play the playstation on his own, easy single person activity.

Lots of parents i know have a goid mixture of pkaying with and leaving to their own imagination, but i also know a lot who do too much, and then moan their kids don't leave them alone

I think you're the first MN poster to moan about kids having not enough screen time and too much reading, singing, crafting and playing time with their parent! What is it you think he's incapable of doing? Does he enjoy stories?

I know children who have come to expect to be entertained. I don’t think it’s a parenting decision so much as a personality thing — if you get a parent wired towards entertaining and children who enjoy it then I guess that works fine.

I’m quite introverted and so is my older child, he wanted me to be near him, so he knew where I was, but then he busied himself with his toys requiring not commentary or encouragement from me — when I offered it he asked me not to disturb him! It worked brilliantly as I could read my book or think my own thoughts in each other’s company — and we both hated softplay and noisy playgroups. I got a shock when my daughter came along, she is quite the extrovert and from the moment she could talk she didn’t draw breath. She wanted continual attention, company and interaction. So, yes so did take her to things and provide the required entertainment, but she did also have to amuse herself to a certain extent too.

FFS.
Parents have more leisure time now than in the 1950’s, and like to spend that time with their children. Shock! Horror! People like their kids! How awful.

I was born in the 70s. I was read a bedtime story every night until I could read myself. My mum used to sing to me after a bath. She did crafts with us. My dad played with us, usually with the train set and lego (my mum less so). They took us on picnics and to the playground. We didn't have an entertainer at parties, but the parents would always organise party games. Me and my 2 siblings went to brownies, dance class, swimming lessons, music lessons, youth theatre, youth group and Sunday school at various times throughout my childhood. I think my childhood was fairly normal amongst my friends, and I didn't live anywhere special just a northern mill town.

I also played out with my siblings and friends too, from a much younger age than children do now. There was a lot less traffic than there is now, and neighbours would look out for you. I still remember a girl from my church died in an accident when she was playing in a quarry with some friends. She was about 8 or 9.

I was.born in the70s, we played outside from a young age so parents didnt need to entertain us. I think parents these days are more responsible than back then and show more interest in their children.

Do people today stress out at having to read to their child? I don’t.

Mindgrapes yeah he likes stories...but only if someone reads with him. Fine fir 1 or 2 but not great all day every day.

I think you must be confusing my posts, i've not said anything about screen time. My example is my nephew, he won't do anything on his own, he expects his dad to entertain and play with him 24/7. He wont watch tv by himself, or play or read a book or anything!

Agree with a PP that there is an in between. I grew up in the 60s and 70s but my parents did spend time with (the 5 of) us including reading to us at night, playing card and board games, and taking us on days out. We also had a couple of holidays (uk) and one where Dad was working but Mum took us away for a week.

I don't think it was as intensive as nowadays and we did do a lot on our own. From about 8 or 9 my brother and I would go off all day and just had to be back before dark. No-one would do that nowadays - from a traffic perspective as much as anything else.

But I do think we feel obliged these days to take our toddlers to 'sing and sign' and softplay, or whatever, and spend our lives interracting with our children - perhaps to an extent that busy parents feel guilty if they can't? Whereas in reality it probably is good for children to make their own amusement from time to time (and away from gadgets)!

Mine are pretty good, but don't like reading, and are too old for lego and airfix, so the screen time is a problem. But hopefully we'll all muddle through......

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and was bored shitless most of the time. School summer holidays were relentless tedium and I couldn't wait to get back to school for something to do. So no I am not going to idealise parenting of the past

Yes. So many children seem to be incapof playing thselves or have any imagination yo play games now. They need constant adult input and direction. It's quite sad to see. I look after children and its becoming more and more common.

Parents also seem to think that jts some sort of crime if children are bored or left to amuse themselves for even a second. If they are playing or doing activities, they are constantly talking at them and asking them questions etc. You can actually give them 5 minutes peace and quite. Its good for their brains. Let's them process things.

Apart from that - it is good for developing brains to be stimulated.

Stimulated by THINGS - colours, sounds, the natural world, their own imagination, a peer - yes.

By a parent playing with them all the time - not so much.

Free exploration of their environment, unsupervised imaginative play and developing their own confident command of their environment is pretty much the gold standard of child rearing.

Yes many kids are spoilt more than previous generations. However, kids are smarter and I think more emotionally capable than we give them credit for. My two have tablets but can play for hours independently in the garden or with toys. I do want my kids round other peoples houses every other day as I think that aspect of 80s parenting (and before) was a bit negligent.

But, in the grand scheme of things, the kids these days aren't being "spoilt" by receiving structured play time with parents.

@MindGrapes

How sad to be seven years old and be judged to be 'incapable' of something. And the idea that reading books to kids or playing with them somehow impedes their imaginative play... I can't see any logic there, sorry.

Well given that imaginative play is critical to development and should definitely be present by seven, it's not judgemental, it's assessing.

And imaginative play is MEASURABLY better (by child psychologists) when children believe themselves unobserved.

But hey, what do my ed psych friends know. What do EY specialists know. Better someone on the internet who "can't see the logic" of something therefore presumes others are being snippy and judgemental rather than supplying simple scientific facts.

(if those facts make you feel bad, I'm afraid it doesn't alter them)

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and my mum did games for our birthday parties, engaged us with treasure hunts, scavenger hunts, Dad read to us, I remember mum made us play doh, felt boards, clothes for our dolls,...yes, as older children we spent a lot of time outside/ watching TV/ didn’t want that input any more, but we definitely had it as younger children. My mum was organising games at my tenth birthday I remember. She ran a playgroup and had studied child development at college so perhaps she was ahead of her time.

Reading to children is somehow wrong now? My mum read to me every night for years (born early 80s) and it doesn’t seem to have turned me into a spoilt princess. What a mad post.

Parents were rubbish back then and much improved now.

Back then parents didn’t really do anything much, kids woke up and then went to play on the street for the day with the local kids. Most parents then didn’t even know where there kids were most the time.

Parents of today are much better and value their kids and time with them so much more.

It’s a good thing!

No I don't think so. I was born in the 70s and played with siblings, cousins and friends, but my parents also did all the things you've mentioned too, they are not mutually exclusive. We were never taken to the pub and left in the car or beer garden, or left alone. We never played out, and neither did the neighbouring children who we went to school with. We had what would now be called play dates; Mums arranging to take someone else's child home after school to play, or meeting in the park. We also watched tv, read and played without any particular structure, allowing us to use our imagination.

I hope my parents weren't "stressed" by it all, and DH and I are raising our children in a similar way and it all seems ok. It's not wall to wall Insta worthy photos of carefully curated, expensive activities. Now more than ever we are all so limited in what we can do outdoors with lockdown restrictions.

As a previous poster says, why even bother having children if you don't want to spend any time with them!

My DM always says we do 'too much' with our DD (who has an incredible imagination and can play for hours building and creating worlds). My response is threefold:

1. She is an only child due to medical reason, and not part of a sibling set as I was
2. Our house and garden is much smaller than ours were growing up (different country) and therefore we all climb the walls a bit if we don't go out
3. Children don't play out like we used to

Ergo, we organise more activities and spend more time engaged with her. Its a different world now to previous decades.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

Because a lot of children don't have siblings and so the only other people to 'entertain' as you say are their parents. My DD is an only child and manages to entertain herself without our intervention however funnily enough, I quite enjoy spending time with her so will continue to 'entertain' when I can.

I find my toddler is much happier to play independently if he getting enough focused attention from me, usually in short bursts over the course of the day. It’s not all or nothing.

I was born in the early 80s and did all those things- my parents read to me, did crafts with me, my mum took me to baby groups. It wasn’t that unusual, they chose to do it.

I was a child in the 80s and mum did loads of singing, reading, baking, dancing and crafts with me and my siblings! And my dad taught us to ride bikes, do gardening, build dens etc. I look back and I feel like I had a completely idyllic childhood where I never felt afraid or unsafe (as I imagine I would have done if I'd just been turfed out of the house at 9am and told not to come back until teatime, as many on here seem to be advocating).
I also didn't grow up spoiled or handed everything on a plate - I was taught respect and the value of hard work and turned out fine thanks.

The parents of today are a world away in terms of connection, investment in time and resources and prioritising their children, to me this is a vast and wonderful improvement!

The upbringing of many in 50s-70s was bordering abusive, with parents that did not even know where their even very young children were much of the time. Children could play outside from 5, and in most cases were not even fully aware of road safety or to be careful around strangers. Most parents just supplied food, clothing and somewhere to sleep - spending hours reading together, playing and all the rest was not so common place. Now it is normal to teach your child to read, bed time stories, investment in education, playing with them and most importantly time - time to get to know your child.

Spoiling is only used when people feel guilt/ are judging and are not/were not good parents. Something my father would say, the same person that did not read me a single story in my whole childhood.

We are better than the parents before, we do hit our children, we care for them, they do not roam the streets nor do we 'leave them to it' with their school work. We are raising caring, cared for human beings that are valued properly - and the benefit will be seen in the decades to come.

I would take the parenting I got over what was considered normal in the 50s-80s.

It's a different world now too - I also don't think it is spoilt to spend time with your child. I didn't have a kid with the assumption I wouldn't actually have to invest time and energy into them and that their siblings and friends would bring them up.