Are today's kids 'spoilt' by their entertainer parents?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

So many if my friends feel guilty if they don't play with their children but I really don't! I have a 5-year-old who entertains himself most of the time. I've never got down on the floor and played because its just not something I enjoy. I engage with him and talk to him a lot (from the comfort of the sofa!) but that's as far as I take playing. I do read to him but that's because I think it's important and I want him to grow to enjoy books. It's also part of our wind down for bedtime so works well with our routine.

Although I don't play with him, we do have fun. I try and make the more mundane stuff fun because it makes is nicer for both of us. So I'll make a game out of getting him dried and dressed after a bath etc...

I think you can still have fun and a child be happy, without being their playmate.

I also agree with the comment that being bored is a good thing. If we have an enforced period off phones etc, I notice that all the games and crafts suddenly make an appearance.

I play with my daughter quite a bit at the moment because I worry she gets lonely. All the toddler stuff has been cancelled and we don't live hear any other children. If I didn't play with her she wouldn't get to interact much with anyone at all.

I'm about to have another baby. Once the new baby is old enough to play with her I probably won't bother much anymore. It's a close age gap so I imagine they will play with each other. And probably fight a lot as well but... such is life.

I think there is a balance for instance I will sometimes set my kids up with paints. I will join in initially and offer words of encouragement and then leave them to it so I can wash the dishes, clean my kitchen all the while watching and intervening if my ds decides to lick his paint brush. I have two close in age that will happily play together and alone. I will often sit nearby and offer words of encouragement and get involved of they want me to. I don't however constantly set up activities for them and am happy to leave them to play without me.

My sil is the opposite and spends a lot of time coming up with activities for her son to do. He is an only child so it may stem from that. As a result he hasn't learnt to play on his own and I find looking after him to be quite draining as he constantly wants adult attention. He wouldn't just grab a toy and play with it but needs you to play with him too and gets upset if my children would rather play on their own.

I don't think the op has implied that reading or playing with kids in general makes them spoilt, that is basic parenting. However always having to entertain children probably does stifle freeplay, independence and imagination! There have been so many posts from parents about how they can entertain their children during lockdown and I always wonder why they won't allow them to figure out how to entertain themselves.

As with anything there must be some degree of balance with this.

We have really struggled with our three year old’s behaviour during lockdown - we also have a three month old and when I was pregnant and WFH, it was a real struggle. She never wanted to play independently and completely ignored her toys unless one of us played with her. I know she is a bit young to play completely independently, but we found the more she was left alone (out of necessity) the more she learned to entertain herself through imaginative play. It’s easier now and we do a bit of both.

I was born in the early 80’s and am one of four kids, all very close in age. I don’t remember our mum ever playing with us and common sense tells me now there is no way on God’s earth she would have had the time. We played with each other and out in the street.

The landscape has definitely changed for both parents and kids.

To be fair, I don't actually know many children who have structured activities scheduled more than a few times a week (none at all in some cases!), and some children do still 'play out' (which adults who grew up in the 50s-90s seem to do nothing but complain about that on our local FB group). I do think some (not all) children have access to constant stimulation from screens which isn't great for developing concentration and motor skills but that's a different issue.

Likewise, many children did things like scouts, guides, sports clubs, etc in the 50s, although maybe it wasn't as widespread.

This is also the only group of parents in living memory who are child rearing during a pandemic. So these smug posts pontificating how they cant understand why parents are constantly entertaining their children and how it was so much better in their day (most likely involved letting their child play unsupervised for hours therefore not a clue what was happening) need to take into account many parents are housebound with small children. What would you like them to do? Shove them in a cupboard under the stairs and ignore them? My parents never had the challenges of a pandemic to deal with and 70s/80s parenting by today's standards would be bordering on neglect. I am glad things are different.

I think a balance is good. Little ones can't pick up and do activities whenever they fancy in the same way you can as an adult, its not helpful neccessarily to always be doing crafts 100% of the time, i do think that the ability to develop independent play is also important; but would be pretty boring (especially at the moment) to never do anything.

Agree with PPs, parents can't just push their kids out of the door anymore to go and play with their friends. Imagine if we could do that. It would be great. It probably still happens in some places but at least around here it's very rare for primary aged children.

Is this the daily mail?
I remember my mum making a car out of a cardboard box with me in the early 80’s and it’s one of my best memories. Hardly indulgent! But her attention didn’t spoil me. I didn’t have siblings to play with. I played in the toad outside when older but my mum was home all day. Many women work these days so play dates probably have to be scheduled in. I don’t think your childhood was particularly better than nowadays, just different. Things change!

I find people with your attitude are usually very jealous of the love and attention children today get. There’s something inside you that envies all this love, care and attention.

I'd argue that if you think that parents should not read, play or spend time with their children because your parents never did that with you and you grew up fine then you did not, in fact, grow up fine.

I have a preteen and two teenagers - all can entertain themselves.

This is despite oppotunites to play out being much fewer than my childhood and my childhood they were much more limited than many on MN seem to have had.

I do think getting them away from screens and fewer pushing them out the door opportunites do lead to more organised activties.

Though I think we've spent more time with our children than our parents did with us - often interacting with them rather than just being in the same room as them - and overall I don't think any of us regret that time.

Yes I think children can and should make their own fun, sometimes.

But as a parent you are missing out if you do take time to play with your child, to experience their little world - to not cuddle up with books and teddies and story telling, crafting and all the other things that may parenting enjoyable! The child will only enjoy their childhood even more form the experience of being close to you, by feeling loved and feeling contentment. That is not spoiling, it is called parenting and not just going through the motions.

@Icanseegreenshoots

Yes I think children can and should make their own fun, sometimes.

But as a parent you are missing out if you do take time to play with your child, to experience their little world - to not cuddle up with books and teddies and story telling, crafting and all the other things that may parenting enjoyable! The child will only enjoy their childhood even more form the experience of being close to you, by feeling loved and feeling contentment. That is not spoiling, it is called parenting and not just going through the motions.

Totally agree, it's about balance. Kids need their parents to be involved in their lives, not just breakfast if lucky, bath and bed.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

It's interesting to see that there's quite an even split here. Surely kids who can make their own fun, at least most of the time, grow up to be more resourceful and creative, don't you think?

Do you know for sure, or are you just guessing? Are you aware of any studies to this effect? Are these the best markers for “successful” adults or childrearing? You’re making some quite sweeping statements and being very judgemental without making your motivations clear (do you have children, and if so how old? Are you raising children during lockdown?)

Like PP I think it's about balance, and also, there's a difference between loving attention, which can take many forms and is important, and lots of intensive activity with kids.

I had a (loving) childhood where I was left to my own devices a lot due to a number of circumstances. I often hear people say that boredom is good because it drives children to find their own entertainment, be creative etc but I think it can also be something you learn to tolerate without any expectation that life could be more enjoyable. I think there have been times in my life (uni for example) where I haven't made the most of what was on offer for that reason. I have a friend of my age (mid 40s) who had a more typically 'modern' childhood (generalising obv) in the sense that holidays revolved more around him, parents did loads of structured activities with him etc etc. As an adult he has done a lot of varied and interesting things, I think there's an argument that he has internalised what his parents did and now seeks out those enjoyable experiences for himself. Of course there's lots of individual differences etc but I think some children need a bit more support in learning that you can go out and seek fun and different things to do, just like some children will need more support with studying, or developing a wok ethic, or structure.

that's a work ethic, obviously. A wok ethic is quite different!

@Sitt it is my opinion - I never put it across as a fact. Then invited people's thoughts.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

It's interesting to see that there's quite an even split here. Surely kids who can make their own fun, at least most of the time, grow up to be more resourceful and creative, don't you think?

I think it's pretty clear that you have set ideas about this 😁

I grew up in the 80s, mum and I did loads together, but I also 'made my own fun' as you say. I loved having a mum who seemed interested in spending time with me, a lot of my friends had mums who just wanted them out of the house and 'not to bother them' which I always thought was a bit harsh

[quote BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]@Sitt it is my opinion - I never put it across as a fact. Then invited people's thoughts.[/quote]
Your opinion is that children that “make their own fun” are “more creative, resourceful adults”? I don’t know how you got to this opinion without some sort of evidence, or is it just a feeling? Your opinion isn’t unusual btw, it just sounds like a standard dig at “millennials” (I’m not one fwiw)

Children have less freedom today, so need a bit more entertainment. Parents have more disposable income to buy craft activities and social media has an influence.

@Sitt I think that if you have to come up with ideas on how to entertain yourself, you are training your brain to be creative, how to make the most of the resources you have at hand. I'm not having a dig at millennials - just sharing my thoughts on it.

There's much more expectation to be a perfect parent today. I grew up in the 70s/80s and apart from family holidays I don't remember my parents actively playing with my brother and I.

From having a newborn you are pressurised into baby groups, baby gym, Tumble Tots, etc. I felt I had to always be performing and entertaining my toddler age children too. My mum said in the 70s kids just fitted round their parent's lifestyles rather than everything being child focused.

I went to the shops with my mum then we might have stopped at the swings for 20 minutes before returning home and playing with toys. No doubt she read to me and indulged my childish games. A simple, better time.

I can see what you’re saying OP, but as with all these things I suspect it is a lot more complex than that, and will depend on the child, the parents, the home environment, the modern world etc. This is why it sounds like you’re looking for opinions for an article or something - you’ve got an angle and you want to wrap it up neatly. I think that any concern that current children are going to be lacking in resourcefulness and creativity is probably misplaced - the world is different so things are done differently, that’s all

@IrmaFayLear 😂😂😂 i can only imagine 😳 I was never in to imaginative play as a kid & I still don't get it now, but I appreciate some kids do 😂