Are today's kids 'spoilt' by their entertainer parents?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

I think it was more common to have siblings or play outside with neighbours back in the day. It is different times now. I agree, maybe some people are taking it too far today, but I don't think it was great back in the day either. There has to be a balance.

DS2's nursery teacher said that the children with entertainer parents (like you describe) always needed to be told what to do, and couldn't direct their own play

That's really interesting and makes sense.

DO NOT hit our children!!!

I do think in normal times a lot of children aren’t ever allowed to be left to their own devices and get bored, I’ve always allowed it and they always end up starting a really involved game, sometimes together sometimes not but I entirely disagree with your examples of reading to and singing to your children, that’s good parenting! Why does it have to be a 1950’s neglect type situation or a helicopter parent, there are loads of parents in between this.

That said, having free time to explore, be creative, create games and imaginary play is also very important. An endless over structured day is not good for any children. They need to find themselves and lose themselves in their own games sometimes without interruption or adult interference. Too clubs can burn children out. Time at home with toys and to learn to play independently is a gift to a child, and their own creativity will broaden, as well as their independence and ability to make up games/dens and imaginary play.

I used to try to entertain my DD all the time as a baby/toddler because I remember never having to play on my own. But, silly as it sounds, it took me ages to realise that's because I had a really close sibling that was my play mate, not because my DM entertained me the whole time.
I had PND after my 2nd DC was born and I did find it really stressful having a newborn, and a toddler who wanted me to play with her all day, and was unable to play independently.(she also wasnt sleeping so there was the added tiredness of them both waking several times a night) I think as pp have said there is a happy medium.
My MIL used to poo poo me trying to entertain DD and say she doesnt need interaction, shes got toys. I think there is scope for both but it took me a while to get used to that.

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them
It's called education.

@sneakysnoopysniper

I find people with your attitude are usually very jealous of the love and attention children today get. There’s something inside you that envies all this love, care and attention.

Understanding of human psychology has moved on (thankfully) and we now know that children become a lot more independent, able to make positive relationships and resilient through forming secure attachments and having loving relationships early on.

We mustn’t fall into the trap of blaming the younger generation for being wrapped in cotton wool. Parents are worried about paedophiles, child traffickers and county lines (all very real issues going on in our society right now).
Mammals all protect their young.

You can’t love a child too much.

Spiky, judgemental people are just a product of a youth without enough love, care and attention.

We always read to ours nightly at 7, right up to 11/12 my exh would read a chapter a night. But they also entertained themselves, Lego being the favourite toy. The trick is open ended toys and making sure things are age appropriate

@Alexandernevermind
Exactly, it’s just early education.

The equivalent of playing on the street is surely paid for clubs? They meet friends for activities in local community hubs instead.

Only it has to be adult led with with ideas.

We have a local group who offer free games in the local parks, they turn up on set days for football, cricket or water play, some bikes and scooters, etc are provided.

Kids all meet up and have a blast.

Why not set up a local one when allowed?

Kids flock to each other and before you know it they entertain themselves.

interesting, my colleague has one older girl and younger twins, all now in their 20s. The older one was always entertained but they let the twins play together on their own. She says the twins who played without them are more inventive and better problem solvers, more independent too.

I made the mistake of starting to read this thread late last night, and was feeling terrible by the end. I’m probably guilty of being one of those ‘entertainer’ parents OP is so scathing of. DD is a much wanted only; there are no other children in the extended family, and although she does attend nursery two days a week (a godsend at the moment), this is currently her only contact with her peers.

I’m a qualified teacher, love kids, and am naturally quite creative, so entertaining/imaginative play come very easily to me. Currently, given the lack of other distractions, I spend a lot of time using my teaching experience to plan activities for us to do together. This works well, but she does rely heavily on my input and is unable to play independently for longer than about 5mins.

I’m aware that DD is at risk of being unable to play independently - she’s always sought out adult attention and was quite a clingy, ‘interactive’ baby who wouldn’t be put down or left alone. But I can’t think what else I could do at the moment to avoid her becoming ‘spoilt’ - I’m a SAHM so have plenty of time to spend with her, there are no siblings or peers to distract either of us, DP is working from home so it’s my job to keep her occupied and out of his way in a small house. I don’t want to rely on screens to ‘keep her quiet’, and she’s never been that interested in toys, preferring activities like baking and crafting, which she obviously (at 3) can’t do alone. Short of putting headphones on and deliberately ignoring her, there’s not a great deal I can do right now to foster independent play.

I’d love for her to be running round exploring Swallows and Amazons-style in a semi-feral pack of cousins and peers, but these things are simply not available to us. So it’s essentially down to me to be DD’s teacher, playmate and, yes, entertainer.

I have always read/done jigsaws/Lego with my dcs. But as for “make believe” - aaaaaarrrghhhhh !! Just can’t do it.

I remember meeting up with a mum from toddler group, for a walk in the park. I assumed the dcs would be bundling along in front whilst the mum and I chatted. Wrong! She absolutely threw herself into a full reenactment of “We’re going on a Bear Hunt”. And I mean full. She was snaking through the grass, wriggling on her stomach, swung in a tree. I was half mortified for her, and half mortified for my own lacklustre parenting

My parents read to me, sang to me and played board games. We also camped and hiked a lot. Other times, I played out; read, or listened to music in my room. From age 11 onwards, I sometimes watched TV (we didn’t have one before that).

Balance is a good thing.

Oh half of this goady, tiresome thread reads like something out of the Daily Mail. I really hate these 'children nowadays are so spoilt' threads. Every generation reinvents this narrative, just like the 'young people nowadays have no respect for their elders' one has been going since Roman times. They seem to me to come from a place of spite and hatred of children and young people. As many posters have pointed out, things were not better in the good old days, which is always a generation back.

@TempsPerdu- she’s only 3 though. You’re currently giving her the tools for play/activity, then when she’s older, she will be baking and crafting independently.

One of my friends is constantly planning “fun” for her children on a daily basis, and the wonders why they have no friends and always look to her for entertainment. Our DCs are the same age as mine and they don’t get along well at all because they struggle to play independently with other children.

I spend time with my DCs but I also let them know “mummy is reading so you play with legos and show me what you’ve built when your done.” I’m not making a treasure hunt every weekend.

@Roadtohades

Oh half of this goady, tiresome thread reads like something out of the Daily Mail. I really hate these 'children nowadays are so spoilt' threads. Every generation reinvents this narrative, just like the 'young people nowadays have no respect for their elders' one has been going since Roman times. They seem to me to come from a place of spite and hatred of children and young people. As many posters have pointed out, things were not better in the good old days, which is always a generation back.

Absolutely this. It always amazes me how many people on Mumsnet seem actively to dislike children.

Oh, and I was very at the reading comment - reading to your child every day is probably the single most effective thing you can do to nurture future literacy skills. I’d consider it neglectful if parents weren’t doing this daily tbh.

Don’t feel bad, @TempsPerdu... there’s always someone on MN doing things so much better .

My dcs are a bit isolated, and we have barely any family, let alone a feral pack of floppy-haired cousins with whom to do the Swallows and Amazons thing. If your dd is enjoying herself, that’s fine. The only thing that was banned in my house was the word “bored”. I told the dcs I’d rather they used every swear word out there than say that.

This is nonsense anyway, parents spent plenty of time with kids in the 70s, my father took me to a sporting hobby, helped me raise animals and my mother taught me crafts.

This is not a generational divide imo, it is a parenting approach divide.

It does appear there maybe more people who pay others to teach their children things rather than teaching themselves.

But for example dressmaking - many children would learn and do that with their parents in the 'olden days'

@MoodyMarshall

They're not spoilt, they're just chronically unable to amuse themselves

DS2's nursery teacher said that the children with entertainer parents (like you describe) always needed to be told what to do, and couldn't direct their own play.

It's interesting , my DS1 was in nursery aged 3mths - 4 years - he was terrible at being able to entertain himself away from nursery. Constantly needed someone to play with him etc.

DS2 was at home as I was a SAHM, he attended a few weekly pre school lessons from 2.5. He was far better as playing alone than his brother, imagination was much better

@Lazypuppy

Mindgrapes yeah he likes stories...but only if someone reads with him. Fine fir 1 or 2 but not great all day every day.

I think you must be confusing my posts, i've not said anything about screen time. My example is my nephew, he won't do anything on his own, he expects his dad to entertain and play with him 24/7. He wont watch tv by himself, or play or read a book or anything!

I quoted your post in my post. You said he won't even play the Playstation on his own. Do you not consider that screen time?

I also grew up in the 70s and 80s. I spent a lot of time playing out with siblings and friends.

We were bored shitless.

People who have had a great childhood tend to want to replicate that for their own children if they possibly can. If they're doing things very differently now, it's usually for a reason.

Thank you @Imissmoominmama and @IrmaFayLear - on balance I think our approach works pretty well; DD is happy and thriving and I’m sure all the cooking and crafting we do will give her some useful skills for the future. Not feeling too guilty about spending so much time with her!

But I’m slightly worried about the independent/imaginative play thing, given that DD has never shown an natural affinity for this, or for toys in general really. She even wants someone sitting with her to watch TV at the moment! So if anyone has any tips for how to ‘artificially’ teach independence (in the absence of natural distractions like work, siblings, other family members etc), these would be gratefully received! I’ve wondered about a sand timer to encourage short bursts of independent play?