Are today's kids 'spoilt' by their entertainer parents?

[BarryWhiteIsMyBrother]

Not a day goes by when I don't read about parents entertaining their children by reading to them, singing to them, doing crafts with them, planning entertainment for birthday parties, etc. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and back then kids played with the siblings and/or their friends. And it was enough. Why do kids today need their parents to stress out because they need to carve out time (they often don't have) to entertain them?

I grew up in the 80s and had kind of a mix between the two. My parents always read to us and my mum would sing to us. I had an older brother who I loved to play with and we were also always out with the neighbourhood kids.
My dad worked long hours building his business but when he was home he would always play with us; mostly in the garden but also other fun games - looking back I don’t know where he got the energy!
My own DDs don’t play out but they have each other and have good imaginations. We don’t give them a constant stream of entertainment but I like to do art and play games with them and we always have a bedtime story.

YABU.

You do realise, dont you, that kids CAN'T play with their friends right now? Most can't go to school either, so OF COURSE you will see lots of posts about "entertaining" children. Join the fucking dots.

Most parents are doing their best in very difficult circumstances, but hey, kick people while they're down if it brightens your day!!

Even when there isn't a pandemic on, moaners like you would probably moan about kids making too much noise if they play out with friends.

Poor kids can't win.

I'm with @Foghead. In between. Mine have always enjoyed independent play and time with friends, and I made a point of leaving them to find something to do if they said they were bored, but reading to them, doing crafts and activities etc are basic parts of parenting and part of family life.

@FenEel Your Mum sounds amazing.

@TempsPerdu- my two youngest couldn’t play independently. They both have ADHD and needed direction. I think that’s why many kids with it become addicted to gaming. Until they went to school, my days were filled with activities (that could be as simple as just going for a walk). I found it much easier in the long run to be proactive, rather than reactive.

My youngest is now 20 and at university; there were no long term effects of him being ‘spoilt’. My second youngest still struggles, but she has severe learning difficulties and attachment disorder (she’s an adopted child).

I'm wondering about this. My eldest will always go off and find something to amuse her. But my youngest won't. He well just hang around for ages asking when he can go back on his game (which he would play all day happily if I let him).

DH says leave him to get bored and he will find something to do. But he really doesn't - maybe he will read an annual for 20 mins but I very rarely see him absorbed.

Exception was yesterday when he washed my car and got fascinated by the soapy sponge -spent ages squeezing it out and soaking it again. I realised how rarely it is that I see him absorbed like that except on games/screens.

I wonder whether he is different to my eldest and needs more structure/help to play. DH insists he just needs to be allowed to get bored though!

Any ideas or advice would be much appreciated !

I think part of this comes from children going to nursery then before- and after-school clubs, holiday clubs etc. Some children are constantly entertained at these clubs from a very early age, or at least always have someone to play with or find them something to do, so they find it difficult to amuse themselves when at home. I would guess that makes some parents feel guilty and they make a huge effort to do interesting and exciting stuff with the children all weekend, rather than just spending a bit of time with them chatting, watching a bit of TV etc. I certainly know people who do that.

In lockdown many parents are having to practically ignore their children for a large part of the day whilst they work, so when they do spend time with them, they're trying to make up for it by doing something special.

When we were children (70's-80's) days out (to theme parks, activities etc) were a treat, reserved for school holidays, but for many families they're now a regular weekend event. No one goes for a walk in their local area, they drive 20 miles to a country park to have a walk; they get in the car to drive several miles to a children's playground because it's slightly better than the one on their doorstep, or just different. Many people seem to think that spending time in their home with their children is odd and it's even worse to admit you actually enjoy it!

Life is different in so many ways from yo 70s, you can’t compare

I was able to skateboard and play football or tag or stick ball in the road (when a car approached you’d step on the pavement).

That same street now has 5 times the amount of cars, going at twice the speed

Just a small example of changes

I think there's an in between too. And people won't post a picture of them all in separate rooms doing there own things, they will post pictures of them doing fun stuff together. It's not an accurate portrait of any families life. Building a den takes us a few minutes, then we leave her playing in it while we go and do other stuff.

I grew up in the 60s, my mum read us stories, we 'helped' her while she cooked and sewed - i remember being with her a great deal, she just used to sort of incorporate child care with the jobs she was doing, like having me wash my dolls clothes in a bowl in the garden while she used her twin tub, as we got older we played in the garden. I remember board games as a family etc. I dont think we were spoilt, its just called being a parent.

@Bumpsadaisie

I'm wondering about this. My eldest will always go off and find something to amuse her. But my youngest won't. He well just hang around for ages asking when he can go back on his game (which he would play all day happily if I let him).

DH says leave him to get bored and he will find something to do. But he really doesn't - maybe he will read an annual for 20 mins but I very rarely see him absorbed.

Exception was yesterday when he washed my car and got fascinated by the soapy sponge -spent ages squeezing it out and soaking it again. I realised how rarely it is that I see him absorbed like that except on games/screens.

I wonder whether he is different to my eldest and needs more structure/help to play. DH insists he just needs to be allowed to get bored though!

Some children are just different, my boys have very different ways. My youngest has always been more imaginative, eldest is more likely to get bored unless it was something specific about an interest of his

As he liked the bubbly water I wonder if he'd like something construction like? Have you tried Meccano? Junk modelling? Lego? He might like the idea of working out how something works

I’m a bit of both, my kids are 4 and so have each other to play with which is great. But I also read to them (usually at bedtime) and will do various crafty things although not all the time. The other day we make a packet brownie mix, but it’s not an every day thing. Sometimes i’ll get crafty activity packs and we’ll do them. We got them a load of board games at Christmas so i’ve been playing a lot of Kerplunk and Mouse Trap!

I don’t helicopter them but they’re not totally left to their own devices either

Interesting thread. My son's nursery teacher told me I had done too much with him, because he wanted her to direct him all the time. Yet I was the same mum to my two girls, and they're both perfectly independent. With my boy though, he was like a wild animal at home - just so unimpressed with being in the house. He went to two playgroups a day because he just hated being in the house. He still wants company all the time. Not going to beat myself up about it.

Yes,
We considered ourselves lucky if we got a piece of string and a conker for our Autumn fun.
In Spring we had a hoop and a stick.
Summer, we picked hops for entertainment.
Winter was log chopping.

But we was happy.

Ooh, I loved spending as much time as I could with mine when they were little.
I grew up in the 70's and enjoyed the freedom of playing with my siblings, and mum doing my Birthday party.
Now so much child rearing is outsourced and parents either don't want to or don't have the time.
We bacame scared of our own shadow and now fewer children walk to school or play out as they are usually dropped off by a parent or wraparound care.
Fewer parents sing and read with their kids then ever it's

@GypsyLee

Ooh, I loved spending as much time as I could with mine when they were little. I grew up in the 70's and enjoyed the freedom of playing with my siblings, and mum doing my Birthday party. Now so much child rearing is outsourced and parents either don't want to or don't have the time. We bacame scared of our own shadow and now fewer children walk to school or play out as they are usually dropped off by a parent or wraparound care. Fewer parents sing and read with their kids then ever it's

Ooh I love a good sing song with my children, it's just a shame they pull this face when I do it

Disclaimer- they are teenagers

We also did a lot of singing in this house

It's interesting to see that there's quite an even split here. Surely kids who can make their own fun, at least most of the time, grow up to be more resourceful and creative, don't you think?

Mine can definitely make their own fun, in part because they've learnt lots of interesting things doing them with us.

The older ones have some really great craft skills that have been a benefit during lockdown.

I think it is largely down to personality and the presence of other children.

I have lavished attention on my DS and the ungrateful little toad runs off into nursery without a backward glance. I see him through the fence playing with his friends and all they're doing is dropping stone after stone into a puddle to see the ripples. Keeps them happy for ages. When it's just us two at home, he'll play independently for a bit but then he does like to check in with me (I suspect mainly to make sure I'm not munching any snacks that I haven't offered him).

@GypsyLee

Ooh, I loved spending as much time as I could with mine when they were little. I grew up in the 70's and enjoyed the freedom of playing with my siblings, and mum doing my Birthday party. Now so much child rearing is outsourced and parents either don't want to or don't have the time. We bacame scared of our own shadow and now fewer children walk to school or play out as they are usually dropped off by a parent or wraparound care. Fewer parents sing and read with their kids then ever it's

Aren’t they still little?

I grew up in the 60s. My parents never played with us, read to us or did activities with us. I played with the neighbours kids a lot and the rest of the time played on my own as there was a really big age gap between me and my older DBs. I don’t wish they had played or read to me but I do wish they would have had the time/inclination to get to know me and be emotionally involved.

I played and read to my DD a lot when she was growing up. She was an only child so didn’t have siblings to play with. I did enjoy playing and doing crafts with her. She was also good at entertaining herself though.

I think it’s brilliant that parents generally are more involved in their kids play because it’s how they learn about themselves and the world around them. They do need to know how to occupy themselves and to handle boredom/tedium too though. I have to say that I’m very good at doing boring, repetitive stuff and don’t rely on others for entertainment.

My concern is that teachers have had to become entertainment officers at all times - no subject is allowed to be a bit repetitive or slightly boring. Heaven forbid they have to teach by rote or don’t make everything fun. And that does make for unrealistic expectations when it comes to the working world where a lot of things are really boring and very much un-fun. I’ve had Yr 9 kids indignant and whiny at the thought of having to copy a diagram off the board and im thinking god help you when you have to regularly update a database or build a brick wall.

Usually I'm quick to jump on threads like these saying that I think we do put our kids in cottonwool and they're not nearly independent enough. And I stand by that.

But I totally disagree that these examples you've given are odd or out there. My parents played with us, took us places, read to us etc. We Also had a lot of time playing out by ourselves and with our friends in the neighbourhood. Engagement from parents is, I think, really important and this idea that children should just be left to bring themselves up is an idea that really should be consigned to the past forever.

You birthday party example is particularly spurious. Certainly, where I grew up, birthday parties were absolutely the norm and if anything, parents were MORE involved than today because there ws no option to take the kids to a trampoline park or organise for spiderman to come. And convenient, well price party food was not easy to get.

So my mum planned pass the parcel and musical statues and baked biscuits and made the birthday cake because otherwise there wasn't going to be much of a party.

Most of the parties today are fare more hands off for the parents because we can outsource more of it!

Absolutely. I think the difference is trying to keep our kids off phones and computers. As my children have a tendency to gravitate towards phones, I feel the need to provide entertainment and activities to limit their time on screens.

When I was a child and not being entertained by my parents, I read, played with my friends or found something to do. With the plethora of tv channels and on demand entertainment, I feel I spend more time and money than I'd like to providing a fun alternative even though I regulate their time online.