The latest corporate bullshit term I've noticed starting to increase

[StealthPolarBear]

A year ago people used to want meeting 'minutes' or 'notes' .
As of about six months ago I started to hear the term 'meeting read out' and it's on the increase.

@Wbeezer

Everytime I hear the phrase "the optics look bad" I hear my old English teacher saying "Tautology!". The whole phrase can be replaced with "It will". Corporate speak seems to put an extra layer of verbiage between actions and results, almost as if it makes it easier to distance yourself if things don't work out?

Yes, totally agree that the words imply distancing!

Ie it not “I’ll do that”, it’s “I’ll reach out and circle back” (dance)

Haven't heard of C-suite. We have SMT (senior management team) which I think is pretty standard.
We quite like to promulgate things here too.

In my office you don't talk "about" things anymore, you talk "to" them.

I talk to a person and about a topic, but clearly I am way "behind the curve".

When I am Queen stupid uses of prepositions will be banned. And all the nonsensical verbing of nouns.

Capital punishment for "to impact" (unless you are talking about a asteroid impacting the earth - I'll give you that one), "to gift" (unless it's land) and saying "I am excited for the weekend". No, you are excited about the weekend.

I dont mind some of the usage if it makes globalised teams easier to understand - i.e. teams in India and the Americas and Europe - it is easier to get on board with if you see it as some sort of Esperanto for business.

Oh god teams in India....we have a support team there and I’ve lost track of times I’ve been asked to “Kindly Do The Needful”

@FenEel

I work in the press and media and said to DH only today “when did we start calling them pressers?!” He also is a journalist and said journalists have been calling them that for ages, but I have been going to press conferences since 1997 and never heard them called pressers! To be fair the press conferences I go to are pretty boring.

Former journalist and they've always been pressers to me 😊

'Doing the needful' is going out of fashion in India now sadly - I only hear it in an ironic way recently.

They do use 'prepone' though which I quite like.

Some of these are just eye wateringly awful. Do people talk like this to sound clever?

Apparently we no longer challenge people we "call them out".

Neither do we any longer propose anything extraordinary or unexpected, we "throw curve balls".

Both of these expressions make me nauseous.

@Wbeezer I have not even heard of that one thankfully!

I hate "having visibility of" e.g. documents. ("Has Wanky McWankface had visibility of the strategy revision yet?")

What's wrong with "seeing" them?

Are you not surfacing those documents?

Similarly, 'double down'. I don't really even know what it means but gather it's to commit to something in an energetic way

It's basically someone digging their heels in and getting stubborn. Usually in the face of getting something wrong and not wanting to admit it.

Personally, I think people use a lot of wanky jargon to try and hide the fact that they're not really as good as they want people to believe they are.

Yes 'has X seen this'

Replaced by 'is X sighted on this' 'has he had visibility of it'

Just why!

We've always done this in the military and I've been in over 20yrs!

I don't think 'sighted' has filtered through to my place, although we certainly have 'had sight of the document' rather than merely seeing/reading it.

Sighted must be easily confused with 'cited' - if I heard someone saying they'd 'sighted' a document I'd assume they meant they'd referred to it in another document!

@peak2021 rest assured I will be extremely pedantic; if someone tells me they are agile working I'll ask them to show me their double back flip followed by a triple cartwheel.

I'm sorry to report that during our meeting/powow/huddle/ whatever it is today the manager was going on and on and on about what a 'special' day it is because it's sooooo miserable and if we need to talk about our troubles to go to management. I woke up feeling quite cheerful but by the end of the day I was feeling thoroughly miserable due to having it rammed down my effing throat!

I give you "de-platformed"!

Some tosser on Sky was talking about Donald Trump being "de-platformed from Twitter".

Roughly translated, Donald Trump was booted off Twitter!

Where do they get this shit from!!

@shadypines your response to your manager taking a long time talking about 'Blue Monday' or whatever phrase he used, should be that his way of putting it made you feel less cheerful than you were. He has asked for a response if needed.