The latest corporate bullshit term I've noticed starting to increase

[StealthPolarBear]

A year ago people used to want meeting 'minutes' or 'notes' .
As of about six months ago I started to hear the term 'meeting read out' and it's on the increase.

I thought my work was business jargon central but havent heard some of these at all.

I may have to rethink my assumptions on the jargon piece by EOD today.

Presser is absolutely standard journo hack-speak.

Cascade/deep dive/piece/space are all peak puke Civil Service, as is my least favourite of all: a 'suite' of documents. FFS. What is wrong with 'set' - or just 'here are all the documents we have been working on. Please feel free to share them no need to cascade with colleagues.

Pivoting has really irritated me too, though not really for any good reason, it's a reasonable word but it's been used to suggest that if you're not pivoting your business you're not really trying! Pretty hard to pivot a business that depends on a physical building being open to deliver a service face to face! Not what we do, but hard to tattoo over Zoom!

I once worked on a ward where the unit manager was into the latest corporate speak. Nobody could understand a word she was on about. She even spoke this way during casual conversations.

I bet she was fun on a date 😄

@PhilCornwall1

I was asked by my manager to "signpost him" (prick!!) to where the document was that I was talking about.

I sent him this.

I'd like to know what happened to memos. Have they been consigned to the corporate bin?

We should all play civil service bullshit bingo next week

I nearly through my laptop out of the window yesterday when the latest patronising email came in from senior management.

To start with we've had this 'Blue Monday' shite for the last few years. Fuck off, ...I'll decide when I feel miserable I don't need to be told I am going to feel miserable on a certain day of the year (imagine if this day happens to be a special birthday or anniversary for you?).
The offending email started with all this crap and then told us what colour to wear! 'Dig out your orange nail varnish' (yeah, we've all got some haven't we..pricks) So now I am told when I'm miserable and what colour to wear to not feel miserable. How to they that this colour cheers everyone up?? Does it occur to them some people might feel happier in black not bright orange.

I'm happy for management to suggest helpful things for our mental health but I wish they would cut this complete BS.

'How do they know this colour' it should read!

@friskybivalves

Presser is absolutely standard journo hack-speak.

Cascade/deep dive/piece/space are all peak puke Civil Service, as is my least favourite of all: a 'suite' of documents. FFS. What is wrong with 'set' - or just 'here are all the documents we have been working on. Please feel free to share them no need to cascade with colleagues.

Ah we have document packs and slide decks Why, why is 'deck' a word that works there? Maybe as the people who read them own yachts.

Christ on a bike, dh got an email about an online activity for the dc tomorrow. He just said to me, completely unprompted, "I'll socialise it to them now". Tool.

Stupid British people copying stupid Americans!!

"Daily stand up" - quick catch up with everyone
"Working lean" - being efficient

Absolute bollocks

Urgh, I always get asked to scribe the meetings.
Irritated me for no reason, but why not just say take notes?

I have a lot of pivoting due to Covid in my line of work too.

Also ‘trainings’ - the pluralisation just sounds awful to me.

My DH has ‘all hands’ meetings, which makes me think of pirates.

Deep dive is also Ofsted speak. Which is the main reason for loathing it.

PhilCornwall1. It should have read "Prick".

@shadypines the response to this should be that Orange reminds you of the troubles in Northern Ireland and of the deaths that took place. And how inappropriate it is just two weeks before the anniversary of Bloody Sunday.

And ask for an apology to be sent to everyone. If you are in Scotland then of course it could be alleged to be sectarianism and I am sure that there are laws about this now.

@Blerg

I have a lot of pivoting due to Covid in my line of work too.

Also ‘trainings’ - the pluralisation just sounds awful to me.

My DH has ‘all hands’ meetings, which makes me think of pirates.

Yes we have all hands meeting too. It's kind of washed over me but what the hell does it mean?

Pivot - makes me think of an ice skater for some reason
Stand up meet
Reach out - just bloody email them!
Deep dive
Monetarising
Cascade

All management wankwords. Does anyone have a bullshit bingo card for my next "virtual teabreak" with my manager?

The detail of projects is often 'granular'

YY to sighted. Although it seems to have replaced being 'read-in' which is a small mercy

We get a lot of ‘baked in’ at the moment, wrt costs or detail.

I think they have been watching one too many gov‘t pressers —wankers—

Strikeout fail

Grr to meet instead of meeting
Like invite vs invitation

Colleague of mine uses the word 'smarts' at work - "I really love their design smarts". He is not an enthusiastic American frat boy, he is a balding middle-aged man from the Midlands. Twat.