The latest corporate bullshit term I've noticed starting to increase

[StealthPolarBear]

A year ago people used to want meeting 'minutes' or 'notes' .
As of about six months ago I started to hear the term 'meeting read out' and it's on the increase.

I'm loving this thread. I'm a civil servant in central gov policy and we are wankspeak central

If I’m asked for a meet read out I am going to write down some thoughts I have about meat and read them out.

Bacon is awesome and must always be crispy never chewy.

Steak should be pink not read.

Chicken must be white and not pink.

I bet I only get asked once.

I wrote red in my post and spellcheck corrected it to read. I changed it back to red but it’s still posted as read.

One day there will be an edit button...

@PlanetMJ

We get this shite where I am. Recently everyone is expected to be "in the detail". But my favourite is one DH came out if an online meeting laughing about. Someone said "Susan, you have a hand raised do you have a question?" Susan replied "oh sorry, no. Its just a legacy hand from before".

LEGACY HAND FFS.

I would have loved pleasant corporate slogans from my last manager who used to rant about ideas being ‘bollocks and shit’, other mangers being ‘soft as shite with more shite for brains’ and anyone in trouble would be getting their ‘cock in the block’
My office was actually worse than The Office.

Fucking "reach out"

@Hoppinggreen

Everyone I know is “pivoting their business”

Yeah.

Oh yes a staple now!

Especially like it when someone says 'thank you for reaching out' after I've sent a bollocking email about them not doing something they should have done

@Plussizejumpsuit

Never heard it.

But I think presser is commonly used by people who work in press and media.

Yes I started out in journalism in 1999 and they were pressers then - you’re stuck with it I’m afraid. I suppose it’s social media and people following journalists on eg Twitter which had made the office jargon spread wider...

The latest thing I keep hearing is “deep dive”. I would have more tolerance if we were really going to spend time getting into the nuts and bolts of the issue. But any random half hour chat is a deep dive these days...

My DH is working from home now (which drives me crackers but thankfully I'm out of the house working a fair bit) and has commandeered the kitchen table.
Every time I hear him use the term 'reach out' I do a little Four Tops dance round the kitchen - it really pisses him off.
Another one I hear a lot is 'problematic' - really makes be shudder.

@shadypines

'How do they know this colour' it should read!

It should also read threw, not through.

I hate "reach out" with a passion, and I definitely judge people who use it.

But the one that always comes to mind for me for these threads is "across the piece". It was one of the favourite pieces of management bullshit of someone I used to deal with who was a spectacularly bad manager. Ultimately he managed the business into failing completely.

The offending email started with all this crap and then told us what colour to wear! 'Dig out your orange nail varnish' (yeah, we've all got some haven't we..pricks) So now I am told when I'm miserable and what colour to wear to not feel miserable. How to they that this colour cheers everyone up?? Does it occur to them some people might feel happier in black not bright orange.

Do the check up on Zoom, @shadypines? I'd be tempted to tell them they'll need to supply the nail varnish.

Having just read a work email, I've just been reminded of another wanky phrase used for a meeting. Apparently I have a "remote visit" booked in next week.

What a bag of shite! It's a one hour meeting on Teams, where I might put my cam on.

Huddle is our latest one

What used to be a handover meeting is now termed a 'huddle'. Not very COVID secure is it?

Intact I loathe "reach out" so much that the next person who reaches out to me can go and do an effing deep dive

legacy hand

Legacy hand?! I've worked in big corporates a long, long time so have heard a lot of these but not that one.

A new one (to me) I've noticed in the last few months is 'optics' eg 'The optics won't look good to the shareholders if we spend £100k on our Christmas party'.

Oh yes, optics is everywhere all of a sudden!

@Plussizejumpsuit

Never heard it.

But I think presser is commonly used by people who work in press and media.

I’m a journalist and have only heard presser in the last year or so.

I hate it.

How has legacy hand passed me by? I think when people use it it is in a slightly ironic, 'isn't this stupid' way so doesn't irritate me in the same way.
Read out and deep dve on the other hand are used as if they're terms in common use

@Doobigetta well it is a bad thing if your opinion of him is known by him?

@GrimSisters a sensible response and I hope his colleagues have noticed this.

@PlanetMJ

We get this shite where I am. Recently everyone is expected to be "in the detail". But my favourite is one DH came out if an online meeting laughing about. Someone said "Susan, you have a hand raised do you have a question?" Susan replied "oh sorry, no. Its just a legacy hand from before".

LEGACY HAND FFS.

I came on to say legacy hand too! 🤣🤣🤣