DD12 wants to spend £92 on Robux

[IndieTara]

She had £220 of Christmas money ( mostly from her dad who claimed not to know what to buy her )
A few days ago she gave me £80 cash and asked me to transfer the equivalent into her bank account as she wanted to shop on Amazon.
So I did.
She bought a hat and spent £50 on a Robux e gift card and had some change.
20 mins later she went Into her bedroom And I realised I could here something. Turns out she'd been scammed of the Robux on Adopt Me and was crying her heart out. This is not the first time she's been scammed on there and we have had many conversations on the subject.

Tonight she has asked me to transfer money into her Go Henry account again. When I asked why she told me she wants to spend £92 on Robux.

Now obviously it is her money but I can't help thinking that it's a complete waste of money too. I really want to say no but also know that she should be allowed to spend her own money on whatever she wants. We both also know that if she asked her dad to do the same he would flat out refuse.
What should I do?

I think part of the issue is that kids don’t see it as ‘real’ money - it feels different to handing over actual cash for an item in the shops. I don’t have much experience in this game but it sounds like you have to spend money to advance, which doesn’t sound good. It sounds like it would be frustrating for the child and the excitement of spending the money would be short lived, leading to them then wanting to spend more to continue in the game.

It’s also not great because it’s encouraging spending money to advance, rather than something like lego where you get a sense of achievement from working to put the piece together then seeing the finished result.

Would it be possible to make a list of good things you can buy with that large amount of money? I always tell my kids to tot up money vs time, so you could show her that she could use this item every day/play with a certain set for hours, as opposed to buying something that doesn’t have as much time value.

A 12 year old isn’t a baby and should really have awareness of money and it’s worth. I also don’t think there’s anything at all with telling her how much someone would have to work to earn that money. It doesn’t grow on trees.

I agree with @Longdistance too

I’m early 20s so grew up with in app purchases like your daughter. If I had £100 at her age, I probably would have blown it in candy crush lives or something equally useless as I had no real concept of money.

I think there’s a balance between letting her use it however she likes and deciding how she spends it. Let her choose, but maybe tell her to sleep on it and see if she still wants it a few days later?

With most of these gaming apps, you can actually progress without paying. The progress is just slower with lots of grinding included. So she could get what she wants in the game if she waited a few days, but she seems pretty impulsive by taking the immediately gratifying option

I have read your posts. I couldn't see how she's been scammed or how it's been able to happen again.

@IndieTara - you seem to be very defensive against any post which suggests you shouldn't let your child keep spending the gifted money (or their own pocket money) on this game.

So rather than getting more agitated, why not just do what you wanted to do in the first place and let them spend their remaining Christmas money.

Not really sure why you started this thread to be honest...

@SkeletorAttack if you'd read my OP you would see ( as I keep having to repeat to numerous posters ) that I said I thought spending that would have been a waste of money and I wanted to say no. The reason I asked my question on MN was purely because it kept jiggling me that it was her own money to spend.

I guess another way of looking at this would be, would you be prepared to withdraw £92 of hard cash to give to your DD to spend on her own in a physical shop (without your accompanying her)?

I agree with a PP who suggested getting her Dad to decide/communicate with her, as he gave her the majority of the Christmas money.

Niggling not jiggling!

@Ithinkim

I have read your posts. I couldn't see how she's been scammed or how it's been able to happen again.

Do you play adopt me it’s very easy to be scammed if you are that bit to trusting and agree to a ‘trust trade’ on there! She’s a kid not a adult.

Tell her no but that you will reimburse her the £50 she lost. poor thing x

@Ithinkim presumably that's because you don't know what a trust trade is. Do you know anything about Adopt Me?

@Allispretty
Are you unable to disagree politely?
Its our job as parents to teach our kids that money is earned, valuable and can be pleasurable to spend. In this case the child is 12 has already been scammed and is going to spend more to achieve what outcome?
Almost 150 quid on what?
My kids do get money and save for something for ages, in their case they both ride competitively, my son bought a helmet for 250 quid which we contributed to. It is put back in its box after every use, cleaned and dried. Why? Because he knows it cost him 250 quid worth of birthday and pocket money. Once he has grown out of it he can sell it second hand because he kept it in good condition. He knows the value because he spent his money learning it.
Thats my take, sorry if it offends your liberal spending mindset.

@8obbingabout I have told her no but won't be reimbursing her the £50. When she told me what she wanted to spend it on I asked her if she was absolutely certain because it was a lot of money.

[quote IndieTara]@Longdistance seriously??
It's her money and whilst I'm glad every poster has come down on my side to say no I think you're very OTT.
She's having a hard enough time not being able to go to school and see her friends without me putting that on her too.
Whilst I'm at it shall I guilt trip her too as Ive been made redundant and could put that money to good use?
Get a grip[/quote]
You should listen to Longdistance, at least she’s talking some sense.

My sons dad let him spend 20 of his Christmas money on roblox. I was so angry!! Luckily he had 140 left, but that’s not the point. 20 quid down the bloody drain. Sons 10

@Jakey056 but my DD doesn't ride competitively, it would be a complete waste of my money for her to do that. It's also a lot more difficult for your son to be scammed out of his helmet don't you think? The 2 don't really compare. And whilst I completely understand the point you're making about taking care of things and valuing them I think you fail to understand that's what my DD does with her Adopt Me online pets. She wasn't scammed because she didn't take care of them she was scammed because she mistakenly trusted someone. Despite the many conversations we have had about this.

@IndieTara - then follow the advice of pretty much every poster (and your own view), who has said

a) she is a 12 year old child so the concept of "her money" is frankly ridiculous when it comes to spending on pointless crap /getting scammed again and

b) don't give her the money!

My dc both play games but we have pushed them into games which aren't in app purchases.
Animal crossing has been popular and ds has a good few steam games.
While they do buy new games it tends to only be once they have played through their last game.
It has more upfront costs but doesn't get them addicted to the little dopamine hits that the in app purchases give them.
Particularly in pandemic life gaming is a normal activity and one way or another it costs.
It is greener than buying physical tat.

@Persianparadise

My sons dad let him spend 20 of his Christmas money on roblox. I was so angry!! Luckily he had 140 left, but that’s not the point. 20 quid down the bloody drain. Sons 10

Well it wasnt down the drain if he enjoyed playing the game with his extras Or is he only allowed to buy stuff you approve of ? Or is it for a donate/invest only fund 😂

@SkeletorAttack as I have now said repeatedly I haven't given her the money , I stuck to my original thoughts and said no

[quote Jakey056]@Allispretty
Are you unable to disagree politely?
Its our job as parents to teach our kids that money is earned, valuable and can be pleasurable to spend. In this case the child is 12 has already been scammed and is going to spend more to achieve what outcome?
Almost 150 quid on what?
My kids do get money and save for something for ages, in their case they both ride competitively, my son bought a helmet for 250 quid which we contributed to. It is put back in its box after every use, cleaned and dried. Why? Because he knows it cost him 250 quid worth of birthday and pocket money. Once he has grown out of it he can sell it second hand because he kept it in good condition. He knows the value because he spent his money learning it.
Thats my take, sorry if it offends your liberal spending mindset.[/quote]

No absolutely not when you are outright questioning someone's parenting intact you didn't question you basically said they were a shitty parent!

No. We've had the same conversation about some Minecraft add-on. DS has spent £10. When he asked to spend another £20, the answer is no!

It's a total waste of money. He'll understand when he wants a car or insurance or school skiing.

@Jakey056 sorry posted to quickly. Your ds hobby sounds fab and that's great that they save towards it but as I've previously said this is completely different. Had the op came on and said my daughter has been saving £10 pocket money per week and now wants to spend it on robux then that is utterly irresponsible to let them do it and devaluing money as they have worked hard to save it.

This money is a gift and I can guarantee half of the people posting do not "save" every bit of their birthday/Xmas money and treat themselves with it as that is what the person who gave it to them would want!

@Allispretty thanks for the defence it's not just @Jakey056 though. It seems lots of MNer's are aiming their vitriol at me tonight.

Also dc are just different even if you raise them the same way.
My dc are twin tweens, one has saved all their money for months and the other has spent every penny.
Raised the same way, with the same access to money.
Totally different behaviors.
It doesn't mean one is more morally virtuous than the other.