My daughter's been assaulted. What do I do?

[surlycurly]

She nearly 17. She went out tonight to have a last meet up with friends before lockdown. Clearly she has had a lot to drink. She's been flirting with a boy, gone down an alleyway with him and then he's gotten her by the throat and made her do several things she didn't want to. She told him not to but then gave up and went with it after her bit her neck. She was afraid. She's had experience with boys and so isn't over reacting out of guilt. She has two bite marks and a swollen lip. Despite my attempts to convince her She's adamant that she will NOT press charges as she says she'll be made to look like a slut, only for it to drag on for two years and eventually go nowhere as it would be her word against his. She's Not capable of dealing with that (she's ASD). But I hate the idea of him behaving like that and not being punished for it. She was hysterical when she came home. She's ok now and has gone to bed but I'm lying here feeling like I've done the wrong thing and should have called the police. I may still do so in the morning. I've never felt so helpless or frustrated in my life.

[Yummymummy2020]

This isn’t your fault or hers at the end of the day. What an awful situation to be in. I do agree though, this should be reported but you will need your daughter to go ahead with it I think rather than you just automatically ringing. I wonder tomorrow might you be able to speak about it again and get her to reconsider. I feel very sorry for you and her.

[camoflaguesocks]

@surlycurly I have t read the full thread but your daughter can attend a sexual assault referral centre SARC without police involvement. She can hand forensic samples taken, injuries documented and care and support. They will store the samples for at least two years (often 7) while she processes the incident and decides what she wants to do. From what I have read it sounds as if there was an oral assault? She's got 48 hrs for forensics in that case (7 days for a vaginal assault) but can seek support anytime. Google SARC and your county and you will find the number. She doesn't even have to give her real name if she doesn't want to.

[DaisyDreaming]

I’m so sorry this happened

[Friendswithwhenifits]

OP I am glad she has support- that is so vital. Imagine being assaulted then being ostracised and called a whore, a tart or a liar. Thankfully that misogyny isn’t so prevalent these days. It’s OK to go out and flirt. It’s OK to kiss someone in an alley. But once consent is withdrawn it is NOT OK. She should not feel bad at all- who hasn’t been young and flirtatious? Keep supporting her OP and let her talk in her own time.

[WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]

Do you know the boys name? If it were me Id be sending photos of the injuries to his mother....
So sorry for you and your daughter. Sadly it is a lesson many many girls are forced to learn far too young. Males need to earn our trust, not be given it.

[toothfairy73]

How are you both doing @surlycurly I'm thinking of you xxx

[surlycurly]

Thanks @toothfairy73 we're ok. She had a major wobble the other day as there had been some comments made on social media. She really wasn't sure about her decision to not contact the police but seems back to be reconciled with it again now. Thanks for asking x