[quote Doodallysally]@Changechangychange
Yours is exactly the kind of attitude I work very heard to break. That because you were once a victim, you think you speak for all victims. And because you deal with one police team/CPS you now have knowledge of every policing team and CPS in this country.
I too was sexually assaulted at 19. By a classmate. In a room. When I was very drunk. And I am so grateful I had people around me who encouraged me to speak to the police, not because they thought I would get a conviction. But because they cared enough to let me know ALL my options and the consequences of each, and make an informed decision
I did go the police. This was 10 years ago. A big, scary bustling station in a city (in this country) where I didn't know anyone but my flatmate. I remember being interviewed, I remember being told cases like mine were hard to prosecute but they would do what they could. Mostly I remember being offered a cup of tea, and the calm manner of the officers in the room listening intently, and writing down what I said. And feeling like someone did believe me, someone was listening to me, and that what happened wasn't my fault. Sure, my parents and friends all re-assured me. But it was not the same as being with people in a position of authority, it carried more weight. Sure enough CPS didn't decide to prosecute. But that did not matter to me. What mattered is that I had spoken up, the scumbag who did it knew I had spoken up, and for the time he spent anxious and fearful of an outcome, I am pleased. It meant that everytime I walked past that asshole at uni, he couldn't make eye contact because he knew I wasn't scared of him.
Years later I don't fear drinking, or being around strange men, I don't get paranoid about what I wear, and don't struggle to get intimate with men. I genuinely believe it's because I had some form of closure of making that official police report, feeling like I had done something. I volunteered at a group at uni then to help students who suffered assault, and I remember being told that victims of sexual assault were often more susceptible to assault again. There were stats on this. That's what well meaning parents, internet strangers and friends can't predict - whether you'll be a victim of a crime, any crime, ever again. And sometimes the only way to feel remotely in control of your life is to feel like you can do something about it.
Not every victim is the same, not every assault is the same, not every investigation/case is the same. But the only right thing is to let victims know they have options, and not take them away because someone somewhere had a bad experience with it.[/quote]
THIS. I complete agree with you @Doodallysally It's about knowing what your options are and you taking back your power. I also reported (eventually after nearly 40 years). I felt amazing afterwards, six feet high that I had finally done it and they had listened and believed me, they knew what he was. But that was followed by nearly 3 years of pain. It did go to court, the found other victims, we went to court twice (as 3 guilty verdicts which I will never get over, but a hung jury on the remaining 12) and at the second trial he was found guilty on every count and got 16 years (could be out in 8). It was hell, but we were the lucky ones. My ISVA told me afterwards it was the first conviction they had seen in a long time. Roughly 6% that report (and most don't) get a guilty verdict. We were lucky. But it shouldn't come down to luck. I would never insisted that someone should report, or that they have a responsibility to stop this person. The only one that has the responsibility is the perpetrator. Being given a choice, knowing your options, gives you the power back. For me, I had to try and take it as far as I could so he knew I hadn't kept his secret. So he could be terrified for a while. But it was the hardest thing I've ever done and I felt like I was falling apart. She needs to know she has a choice. Because that choice has already been taken away from her once
